Old School Comedian Red Skelton

[justcause]

For those of you who are too young to know who Red Skelton is, he was a super comedian back in the days when entertainment wasn't so raunchy.

>Red Skelton's tips for a happy marriage:

>1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, then comes good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

>2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Ontario and mine is inTucson.

>

>3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

>4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

>5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

>6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. Then she said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

>7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, she told me "In the Lake."

>8. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

>9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said "No, jump in!"

>10. Remember. Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

>11. Statistically, 100% of all divorces start with marriage.

>12. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

>13. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

>14. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked "What's on the TV?" I said "Dust!"

[nurkvinny]

Very funny. smile.gif

[Buck531]

Damn, you get that one from Pat eh Bart? smile.gif .