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A man walked into his backyard one morning and found there was a gorilla in a tree. He called a gorilla-removal service, and soon a serviceman arrived with a stick, a Chihuahua, a pair of handcuffs and a shotgun.

 

"Now listen carefully," he told the homeowner, "I'm going to climb the tree and poke the gorilla with this stick until he falls to the ground. The trained Chihuahua will then go right for his, uh, sensitive area, and when the gorilla instinctivly crosses his hands in front to protect himself, you slap the handcuffs on"

 

"Ok, got it." the homeowner replied. "But whats that shotgun for?"

 

"If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla," the man said, "shoot the Chihuahua."

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What do you call a man without arms or legs....

 

Q: In a hole?

A: Phil

 

Q: In your mailbox?

A: Bill

 

Q: On your porch?

A: Matt

 

Q: Hanging on your wall?

A: Art

 

Q: Under a pile of leaves?

A: Russell

 

Q: Water skiing?

A: Skip

 

Q: In the lake?

A: Bob

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The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding across the plains of the west when Tonto dismounts his horse and puts his ear to the ground.

Lone Ranger ask him "What is it Tonto?".

Tonto replies, "Buffalo come"

Lone Ranger asks, "And you can hear them?"

Tonto stands and replies, "No, ear sticky".

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The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding across the plains of the west when Tonto dismounts his horse and puts his ear to the ground.

Lone Ranger ask him "What is it Tonto?".

Tonto replies, "Buffalo come"

Lone Ranger asks, "And you can hear them?"

Tonto stands and replies, "No, ear sticky".

 

EW

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Micky and Minnie mouse are in court to get a divorce.

 

Judge says "Mr. Mouse, I can't grant you a divorce simply because you think your wife may be mentally disabled"

 

 

 

Micky says "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she was fucking Goofy!"

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Micky and Minnie mouse are in court to get a divorce.

 

Judge says "Mr. Mouse, I can't grant you a divorce simply because you think your wife may be mentally disabled"

 

 

 

Micky says "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she was fucking Goofy!"

haha i love this one... i have friends of the family that used to be micky and minnie in florida.. they have sense gotten a divorce haha

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What do you call a sleeping bull?

 

A bulldozer! Ha ha ha

 

--------------------

 

Two pirates were talking. One pirate noticed a steering wheel attached to the other pirate's crotch.

 

"Why do ye have a steering wheel on yer crotch?" the pirate asked.

 

The other pirate replied, "Arrgh, it's driving me nuts!"

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