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Fuck My Life lol


SAMBUSA

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Nice find sam, this shit is great. haha.

Today, I was looking down at my paper in class and my spanish teacher asked if I was sleeping or not. I'm Asian. My eyes were open. FML

Today, my four-year-old cousin gave me a hug, basically stuffing his face into my crotch. Then he pulled it out and said "Ew, that's stinky" in front of my entire class. FML

Today, I was having sex with a girl I really like for the first time. After a while I told her I was about to come. Her response: "Lucky you." FML

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holy cow this stuff is funny!!!

I do this kind of stuff sometimes...

'Today, I got an email from my professor with my grade for a paper. It said, "Solid writing, but you should have proofread your final draft more carefully." In a moment of annoyance, I typed in the reply box, "God should have proofread your FACE more carefully." My elbow hit the send button. FML'

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Ridiculous.

Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob (I don't normally do it because I have a fear of getting squirt in the eye). Afterwards, I went to suck a lemon to get the taste out of my mouth. Sure enough, I bite the wrong spot and get lemon juice shot right into my eye. FML
Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her exiting her room....my electric tothbrush in her hand. FML
Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage. When the stripper came over to take it, she stood me up and flipped my tits and said I had bigger ones than her. I'm a guy. FML
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  • 5 months later...

*mouth waters* chipotle... mmmm. about that quote up there though, if he was just enthusiastic about pizza he could have been tying it into a total good experience comment... ?? lol. I mean its better than something like, "I'm gonna call my mom after this." right? :lol:

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Today, I was in the car with my boyfriend when I said "I wish all the weight I gained just went to my boobs." His reply was, "They'd be HUGE." FML

Today, I found out that by brother was selling pictures of me showering. For what? World of warcraft money. FML

Today, I found out that by brother was selling pictures of me showering. For what? World of warcraft money. FML

Today, my father pulled me aside right before heading off to my girlfriend's house. He said "Next time you have sex, don't leave the tied up condom in its wrapper inside your short's pocket, otherwise your mother might find it again as she's folding laundry." FML

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