Bro's, allow this alpha male show you the ropes

[Sam1647545489]

http://i.minus.com/i1KP75o9Du2MB.gif

[thorne]

http://is.uoyo.org/i/s/yq3CniBr

[351mach11647545510]

Lost it when the shirt came off

[why87]

If only I had followed in this man's path. I would have lost my virginity decades ago.

[Geeesammy]

If only I had followed in this man's path. I would have lost my virginity decades ago.

 

But you have barely been around over two decades? :dumb:

Not like I'm any better :fuuuu:

Edited November 16, 2012 by Geeesammy

[why87]

But you have barely been along over two decades? :dumb:

Not like I'm any better :fuuuu:

 

YOU KNOW ME SO WELL FIGHT ME IRL.

 

Jk. :fa: I wonder if they will use this as an instructional video for sex ed classes?

[Otis Nice]

why87

 

Join Date: Nov 2011

Posts: 4

 

Didn't even know that was possible. :lolguy:

[Rustlestiltskin]

I am a horrible ****ing person. Today was my little sisters birthday, it is also my last day as a free man. The cops are on their way right now. As my last act before being put on death row I wish to relinquish this story onto misc, so I can die knowing at least I gave you sick ****s some lulz. So lets start from the beginning shall we?

 

It was a fairly normal morning. It was 1:30 when I got out of bed. I walked into the bathroom to take my meds. I'm prone to bouts of rage and sexual frustration. As I tilted my head back to down the capsules I swallowed wrong and vomited into the sink. I cursed the pills then went out to the living room. I was surprised to see balloons and party favors all over. It then occurred to me that it was my 11 year old sister Jessica's birthday. My little sisters probably having a surprise party with all her loli and shota friends after school. I'm 26 and unemployed so I'm usually home all the time. I sat down with a bowl of Fritos and watched some **** on Fuse for a while.

 

It was around 2:30 when my mother got home. "Micheal, come help me with these bags!" she yelled. I obliged since she'd just bitch me out if I didn't. After everything was inside she dropped the disappointment bomb. "Micheal, I want you to set up this stuff. You'll be running Jess's birthday today." "But mom!" I whined. "No buts," she said "I'm going to go take a nap." She was pretty lazy, even for a pregnant woman. I got in the van and drove up to the school. Jessica was standing outside with a group of 5 of her friends. All the little ****s climbed into the van. They were all giggling and making immature noises. "Hey aren't you Jess's gay brother?" one laughed. All the kids giggled. "Haha, yeah **** you kid" I snapped. "MICHEAL!" Jessica shouted. I just rolled my eyes and continued driving. One girl began singing some ****ty pop song. It began to make me unbearably angry. I swerved the van violently. The kids started screaming. One boy jolted forward and slammed his head into the seat. "KYLE HIT HIS HEAD!" one girl cried out "MICHEAL, YOU'RE GOING TO KILL US YOU JERK!" Jessica screamed. I don't know what came over me.

 

As we got home the kids began crowding around the little plastic party furniture begging for food. "Alright, hold the hell on you brats!" I said angrily. I went and got the cake and set it out on the table. Grabbing my Zippo lighter from my pocket, I lit the candles. I stood back and watched as the brats began shouting for her to make a wish. As she leaned to blow them out, I spotted her pink panties coming out of her jeans. She was tempting me, that little bitch, I know she was. "BLOW IT OUT! BLOW IT OUT!" the shrill monotonous tone rang in my head. I couldn't take it anymore misc! I ran for my room. As I came back out I had donned my viking helmet and held my battle ax mightily above my head. I was naked. The sight of my hairy genitalia swinging back and forth struck fear into the children. "FOR THOR!!!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed to the heavens as I charged for the table. I threw my battle ax, chopping a loli in half. Her torso frailed into the air as my battle ax wedged into a wooden bookshelf. I jumped onto one of the plastic chairs, it broke under my weight. I plunged my fist into the cake and smeared it all over my cock. The soft frosting and crumbly texture made me hard. I took a candle and rammed it down my urethra. The kids were frozen with shock. I lit the candle and pushed as hard as I could. The candle rocketed out of my cock and hit a girl in the eye. The force caused me to ****. The girl screamed wildly as her eye was burned out. Her eye socket looked like the perfect hole for my dick. I jammed my cock into her eyesocket and ****ed it. She cried as her head jolted back and forth. The violent jolting snapped her neck killing her instantly. I came.

 

The Kyle boy started to get up to run away so I grabbed a chair and cracked him in the skull. His face landed flat in my **** and he suffocated. "THE CAKE IS A LIE!" I said flapping my cock about, shaking cum in several directions. A fat little girl was waddling over to the phone to call the police. "ITS PINATA TIME!" I yelled. I grabbed the cake knife, and with my viking prowess, backstabbed the fatty. I slid the knife upwards making a slit in her back. Her fat made it like cutting through cream cheese. I reached in and grasped her spine. With all my strength I tore out her spinal cord. I wanked some little nerdy girl over the head with it. I then set it on the floor and slowly inserted it into my rectum. The ribbed feeling gave me immense pleasure. "MAY THE THUNDER GODS BLESS ME!" I exclaimed grabbing my battle ax out of the woodwork. I cut little Suzie's legs off. This made her more ****able. Jessica vomited and passed out. I scraped up her vomit and stripped little Suzy. She was too preoccupied to resist. I smeared the barf all over her vagina. I then licked it off. The taste was god-awful. It made me throw up onto her face. She choked to death on my sick.

 

The commotion made my mother come out. "SWEET TOASTER ****ING JESUS!" she screamed. I ran up and FALCOOOOOOOOON PAUUUUUUNCHED her in the vagina. My arm slid all the way up to her womb. I tore the fetus out. As I pulled out a bunch of slimy goo watered out. "Hey mom want this fetus?" I asked. She was too busy violently throwing up to answer me. I raised my arm and crushed the baby in my hand. My mother was heaving blood at this point. I took the crushed fetus into the kitchen and slam-dunked it into the blender. "And now its time for cooking with Micheal!" I said like a t.v. chef. Adding an eyeball, the fat loli's liver, and Kyle's scrotum into the blender, I turned it on high. I took a sip of my smoothie. It was the most delicious culinary masterpiece in the world. I took the rest and sliding the spine out from *******, I gave myself an enema.

 

My sister began waking up from her concussion. As her eyes opened she awoke to the sight of my hairy ******* pointing in her face. She opened her mouth to scream, now was my time. I launched the smoothie out of my ******* along with watery, bloody ****. Her scream was muffled into a gargle. My sloppy enema shot down her throat. Her eyes were tearing up. The smell was so intense it gave her a bloody nose. I turned around and pointed my hard cock in her face. I positioned it towards her nose. With immense power I ****ed her nose at full force! The blood was an awesome lubricant. The pleasure became more intense. I came buckets right up her nose. My cum went straight into her lungs, tarring them up. As she began gasping for air I looked around the bloody smeared, **** stained room. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESSICA!" I said smiling at her tear and enema covered face. She took one last gasp. I gazed happily upon her corpse. The only I regret is that I didn't take my pills today...

[Geeesammy]

Didn't even know that was possible. :lolguy:

 

He can hang with the most godly of lurkers and trolls..:lolguy:

[Sam1647545489]

I am a horrible ****ing person. Today was my little sisters birthday, it is also my last day as a free man. The cops are on their way right now. As my last act before being put on death row I wish to relinquish this story onto misc, so I can die knowing at least I gave you sick ****s some lulz. So lets start from the beginning shall we?

 

It was a fairly normal morning. It was 1:30 when I got out of bed. I walked into the bathroom to take my meds. I'm prone to bouts of rage and sexual frustration. As I tilted my head back to down the capsules I swallowed wrong and vomited into the sink. I cursed the pills then went out to the living room. I was surprised to see balloons and party favors all over. It then occurred to me that it was my 11 year old sister Jessica's birthday. My little sisters probably having a surprise party with all her loli and shota friends after school. I'm 26 and unemployed so I'm usually home all the time. I sat down with a bowl of Fritos and watched some **** on Fuse for a while.

 

It was around 2:30 when my mother got home. "Micheal, come help me with these bags!" she yelled. I obliged since she'd just bitch me out if I didn't. After everything was inside she dropped the disappointment bomb. "Micheal, I want you to set up this stuff. You'll be running Jess's birthday today." "But mom!" I whined. "No buts," she said "I'm going to go take a nap." She was pretty lazy, even for a pregnant woman. I got in the van and drove up to the school. Jessica was standing outside with a group of 5 of her friends. All the little ****s climbed into the van. They were all giggling and making immature noises. "Hey aren't you Jess's gay brother?" one laughed. All the kids giggled. "Haha, yeah **** you kid" I snapped. "MICHEAL!" Jessica shouted. I just rolled my eyes and continued driving. One girl began singing some ****ty pop song. It began to make me unbearably angry. I swerved the van violently. The kids started screaming. One boy jolted forward and slammed his head into the seat. "KYLE HIT HIS HEAD!" one girl cried out "MICHEAL, YOU'RE GOING TO KILL US YOU JERK!" Jessica screamed. I don't know what came over me.

 

As we got home the kids began crowding around the little plastic party furniture begging for food. "Alright, hold the hell on you brats!" I said angrily. I went and got the cake and set it out on the table. Grabbing my Zippo lighter from my pocket, I lit the candles. I stood back and watched as the brats began shouting for her to make a wish. As she leaned to blow them out, I spotted her pink panties coming out of her jeans. She was tempting me, that little bitch, I know she was. "BLOW IT OUT! BLOW IT OUT!" the shrill monotonous tone rang in my head. I couldn't take it anymore misc! I ran for my room. As I came back out I had donned my viking helmet and held my battle ax mightily above my head. I was naked. The sight of my hairy genitalia swinging back and forth struck fear into the children. "FOR THOR!!!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed to the heavens as I charged for the table. I threw my battle ax, chopping a loli in half. Her torso frailed into the air as my battle ax wedged into a wooden bookshelf. I jumped onto one of the plastic chairs, it broke under my weight. I plunged my fist into the cake and smeared it all over my cock. The soft frosting and crumbly texture made me hard. I took a candle and rammed it down my urethra. The kids were frozen with shock. I lit the candle and pushed as hard as I could. The candle rocketed out of my cock and hit a girl in the eye. The force caused me to ****. The girl screamed wildly as her eye was burned out. Her eye socket looked like the perfect hole for my dick. I jammed my cock into her eyesocket and ****ed it. She cried as her head jolted back and forth. The violent jolting snapped her neck killing her instantly. I came.

 

The Kyle boy started to get up to run away so I grabbed a chair and cracked him in the skull. His face landed flat in my **** and he suffocated. "THE CAKE IS A LIE!" I said flapping my cock about, shaking cum in several directions. A fat little girl was waddling over to the phone to call the police. "ITS PINATA TIME!" I yelled. I grabbed the cake knife, and with my viking prowess, backstabbed the fatty. I slid the knife upwards making a slit in her back. Her fat made it like cutting through cream cheese. I reached in and grasped her spine. With all my strength I tore out her spinal cord. I wanked some little nerdy girl over the head with it. I then set it on the floor and slowly inserted it into my rectum. The ribbed feeling gave me immense pleasure. "MAY THE THUNDER GODS BLESS ME!" I exclaimed grabbing my battle ax out of the woodwork. I cut little Suzie's legs off. This made her more ****able. Jessica vomited and passed out. I scraped up her vomit and stripped little Suzy. She was too preoccupied to resist. I smeared the barf all over her vagina. I then licked it off. The taste was god-awful. It made me throw up onto her face. She choked to death on my sick.

 

The commotion made my mother come out. "SWEET TOASTER ****ING JESUS!" she screamed. I ran up and FALCOOOOOOOOON PAUUUUUUNCHED her in the vagina. My arm slid all the way up to her womb. I tore the fetus out. As I pulled out a bunch of slimy goo watered out. "Hey mom want this fetus?" I asked. She was too busy violently throwing up to answer me. I raised my arm and crushed the baby in my hand. My mother was heaving blood at this point. I took the crushed fetus into the kitchen and slam-dunked it into the blender. "And now its time for cooking with Micheal!" I said like a t.v. chef. Adding an eyeball, the fat loli's liver, and Kyle's scrotum into the blender, I turned it on high. I took a sip of my smoothie. It was the most delicious culinary masterpiece in the world. I took the rest and sliding the spine out from *******, I gave myself an enema.

 

My sister began waking up from her concussion. As her eyes opened she awoke to the sight of my hairy ******* pointing in her face. She opened her mouth to scream, now was my time. I launched the smoothie out of my ******* along with watery, bloody ****. Her scream was muffled into a gargle. My sloppy enema shot down her throat. Her eyes were tearing up. The smell was so intense it gave her a bloody nose. I turned around and pointed my hard cock in her face. I positioned it towards her nose. With immense power I ****ed her nose at full force! The blood was an awesome lubricant. The pleasure became more intense. I came buckets right up her nose. My cum went straight into her lungs, tarring them up. As she began gasping for air I looked around the bloody smeared, **** stained room. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESSICA!" I said smiling at her tear and enema covered face. She took one last gasp. I gazed happily upon her corpse. The only I regret is that I didn't take my pills today...

 

 

 

I received an Abercrombie and Fitch gift card from my girlfriend for Christmas. She should have known that someone as swole as me cant fit into clothes designed for 125 lb metros who wear flip flops in winter, but what can I say?

 

I walk into my local mall, lats flared and aviators on. I head into A&F, remove my glasses and look around. I was a bit shocked by the awful techno blasting in my ears, and even more so when I looked around. Two male employees in purple and yellow sweaters were dancing to the music.

 

“F**k, this store really is for queers,” I thought to myself. I headed

over to the beaters, picked up a few and told a young girl wearing an “Oscar’s Surf Shop” t-shirt to let me into the dressing room.

 

<I try on the beater, and its absolutely skin tight and too short.

And its an XL too. I guess A&F wants to make its buck and a quarter

pound employees feel swole. In fact,the XL beater was so small I

couldn’t get it off. I called A&F girl into the room with me.>

 

Me: <grinning> I can’t get this beater off, its too tight? Care

to help?

<She took off my shirt and started gasping>

A&F girl: Oh my GOD! Your body! Your chest, your abs, its PERFECT!

Me: <shit-eating grin on my face> You don’t see many bodies like

these in this store I bet.

 

A&F girl rips off my pants and starts to blow me in the dressing

room stall. Ten minutes later I blew my load all over her Oscar’s

Surf Shop tshirt. At that moment, I realized what Abercrombie and Fitch was all about. It’s not just about polka dot flip flops and 12

inch biceps in pink tshirts that say “Steve’s Clam Shack”. No. It’s about stealing your parents ’46 Model T and running into the woods to have a circle jerk with other betas. Yes, I had experienced a true Abercrombie moment.

 

As I walked out, I threw my $50 gift card in the direction of the

two queers who were dancing to the techno. “$50 gift card here! Just think of all the ripped jeans you can buy with that!” I yelled at them, then watched as the two boys, weighing combined less than I do in the off season, pulled each others hair and slapped each other for rights to their gift card. I laughed, threw my aviators on, flared my lats, and left the mall. I had other business to attend to.