Can't figure this out? Men and women

[madcat6183]

Andy, if you really did that, you might never get laid again, the end.

Good luck.

[CattaniAFJ]

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women

differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars

thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head

and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week , my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says,

"I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads

to hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman

enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just

love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend

time with her.

We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big,

big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she

tried on several different very expensive outfits.

She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just

buy them all.

She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said,

"Lets get a pair for each outfit."

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a

pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I

was one wave short of a shipwreck.

I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a

tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the

excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think

this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I

don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a

baffled, "WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a

while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man

enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me,

I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for

the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.... but at least

that bitch knows I'm smarter than her

Epic.