Casper Posted October 22, 2007 Report Share Posted October 22, 2007 This is it. No point in voting. Chuck has it determined already.http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2007/10/22/martial-arts-tv-star-picks-presidential-candidate/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EagleCock Posted October 22, 2007 Report Share Posted October 22, 2007 bwahaha! chuck norris > presidential candidates Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rockybalboa Posted October 22, 2007 Report Share Posted October 22, 2007 Chuck Norris once shot down a plane by pointing his finger at it and yelling BANG! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McLovin Posted October 23, 2007 Report Share Posted October 23, 2007 There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rockybalboa Posted October 23, 2007 Report Share Posted October 23, 2007 Chuck Norris doesn't sleep he waits. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gsxr750girl Posted October 23, 2007 Report Share Posted October 23, 2007 Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down! ha ha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pedro Posted October 23, 2007 Report Share Posted October 23, 2007 A few of my personal favorites,"When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.""Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Casper Posted October 23, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 23, 2007 There is no chin under Chuck's beard, just another fist. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Casper Posted October 23, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 23, 2007 Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Casper Posted October 23, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 23, 2007 Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Casper Posted October 23, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 23, 2007 Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EagleCock Posted October 23, 2007 Report Share Posted October 23, 2007 Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McLovin Posted October 23, 2007 Report Share Posted October 23, 2007 Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rockybalboa Posted October 23, 2007 Report Share Posted October 23, 2007 The chief export of Chuck Norris is PAIN! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rockybalboa Posted October 23, 2007 Report Share Posted October 23, 2007 Chuck Norris has two speeds walk, and kill. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rockybalboa Posted October 23, 2007 Report Share Posted October 23, 2007 Contrary to popular belief America is not a democracy, its a Chucktatorship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pedro Posted October 23, 2007 Report Share Posted October 23, 2007 Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.Lol, that's good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EagleCock Posted October 24, 2007 Report Share Posted October 24, 2007 The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rockybalboa Posted October 24, 2007 Report Share Posted October 24, 2007 Chuck Norris is the stunt double for Optimus Prime. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pedro Posted October 24, 2007 Report Share Posted October 24, 2007 In Microsoft Windows, only chuck norris can delete the recycle bin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Casper Posted October 24, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 24, 2007 Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops.People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris...Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the automobile accident.When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.Dinosaurs went extinct because of the Chuck Norrisaurus.Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can roundhouse-kick his head through a wall and take it.What’s known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn’t use its full name, which happens to be “Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-Chuck-Norris-Division”.Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about.Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls.As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."Chuck Norris invented the internet… just so he had a place to store his porn.Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.Chuck Norris’ sperm is so badass, he had sex with Nicole Kidman, and 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EagleCock Posted October 24, 2007 Report Share Posted October 24, 2007 When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axles, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rockybalboa Posted October 24, 2007 Report Share Posted October 24, 2007 Chuck Norris speaks in all CAPS. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tolli Posted October 26, 2007 Report Share Posted October 26, 2007 Researchers discovered the cognitive and physical effects of Chuck Norris' urine. They began to bottle it and is known today as Red Bull. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dweezel Posted October 26, 2007 Report Share Posted October 26, 2007 Why does president Bush studder? because he knows Chuck Norris is watching.Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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