Wondering if this is right...

[oldschoolsdime92]

^so thats how he gets by! He does jack's shit!

[Fonzie]

I don't envy you at all here Ned. My middle's about to turn 15 shortly, and I'm reminded of that old saying "Hire a teenager now.... While they still know everything!"

Doesn't help that wifey waffles back & forth between tough love & enabling

Ever seen the movie "A River Runs Through It"? Can't even watch it anymore, 'cause it haunts me everytime

[redbarron77]

I just have to look at my list on the wall, "The Facts of Life".

The last one states "It is impossible to change the character of another."

[wrillo]

Character is an arbitrary unit we assign to describe ones' choices in life, and you can affect someone's choices.

[redbarron77]

at some point we have to let others make their own choices, and live with the consequences.

[DangBruhY]

I'm going out on a limb here and saying that most of you don't have older kids and don't know what it's like to do something like that to your child.

By letting him go, you aren't helping. By kicking his ass, you aren't helping. You said the military won't take him? What branch? I'm sure the army and marines would take him.

You need to help this kid. Apparently there are some things going on that he is dealing with. If those issues aren't addressed, then he will continue down that path.

Also, you kick his ass out and what would you think of yourself if something bad happens to him?

[redbarron77]

We raised our son and daughter identically...in the same household same rules, etc....she went on to college, graduated Summa Cum-Laude as a Mechanical engineer. The son did not have an interest in education, no matter how involved we were in his education, had him evaluated by shrinks(before and after he "tried" the military), and refused completely to do any work/help around the farm.

He confided to a family friend that his "plan" was to put some clothes in a bag, and hop on a train the day after his birthday.

I'm thinking that giving him a bus ticket to his Grand-mother's(my ex-mother-in-law) was a bit better than having him get raped/maimed/killed hopping trains. But that is just my opinion.

[Disclaimer]

I wonder which one is your favorite?

[redbarron77]

...

Also, you kick his ass out and what would you think of yourself if something bad happens to him?

When he ran away(when we lived in Columbus) during the harshest winter temps(well below freezing), we had to assume that he froze to death. His pic was on the news, etc.

When he ran away here in Texas, during extreme hot weather, we had to assume that he wasn't ever coming back, and hopefully didn't get picked up by some weirdo/rapist/killer.

[redbarron77]

I wonder which one is your favorite?

I love them both the same, but we both like the choices the daughter has made with her life. We told our son if he does what his sister did(school, work, sports, ANYTHING) he'd get the same stuff we did for her.

The better question is, Which one cares?

My birthday is the 4th of July....kinda hard to miss on the calender....the daughter has yet to miss sending cards, etc. The boy lived in our house, and would say, "oh yeah, is that today?"

You raise two kids the same, and they make different decisions on how to treat others.....

[Disclaimer]

All problems are solved when you don't have kids Probably too late for you to have a 54th trimester abortion.

Seriously though... that's tough, my parents had it easy with me and my sibs (save for my sister who's currently on a 'failure to launch' path, post college).

The best comparison I personally have is my dad vs. my uncle. Same family, but my uncles' a deadbeat. And maybe I'm an emotionless prick, but there comes a point where you've given people as many opportunities as you could and they still don't want help. They chose the rough life for themselves.

If it makes you feel better, vote Democrat so you'll know he's got all those social safety nets that'll catch him when you kick his ass out the door.

[DangBruhY]

So what you are saying is that you really don't love them equally? Do you constantly tell your son that he should be like his sister? Do you always praise her in front of him? Maybe he is jealous that he isn't her? Maybe he is jealous that he doesn't have the "smarts" like her.

I'll tell you this... Just like if one of my kids were fighting for their life. (ie in the hospital) I would give every effort to make sure my kids didn't end up doing drugs and whatnot. I would NEVER give up on them.

You know what... Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

[ReconRat]

Some kids when they turn 18, it's suddenly "pay back time" and everyone they've ever pissed off or messed with, comes looking for them. Including the Law, with or without a warrant. Maybe there are good reasons to be leaving town. And the farther away the better.

Events after turning 18 can drastically change a person's perspective on life. And unfortunately, those under 18 often can't see that coming.

[Artmageddon]

I have a nephew(who isn't that much younger than me and I've always treated like a little brother) that is a great kid but makes really bad decisions and has been getting into trouble. He graduates(hopefully) this year. Some of it I attest to the town he lives in(not good at all), but the entire family has told him we help those who help themselves.

Basically meaning that if he is working or in school and staying out trouble, we will help him out. If not, he gets nothing, except a hug and a "I love you" when we see him.

If does get in trouble but eventually straightens up, we'll be there to help him again.

Basically what I'm saying is follow through on your word, buy him a ticket, tell him you love him and you'll always be his father and friend, but you're done taking care of him until he can take care of himself. If he proves himself, he'll be welcome back.

Like others have said, maybe military would be a good decision to try to steer him to.