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THE REVEREND ELTON JONES (joke)


lagalaxy8

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THE REVEREND ELTON JONES

The Reverend Elton Jones

The Rescue Mission

Cedar Falls, Iowa 61409

Dear (Insert your name here),

Perhaps you have heard of me & my nationwide campaign to further the cause of Temperance. Each Year for the past fourteen, I have made a tour of Florida, Georgia, Indiana, Iowa, Missouri, Kansas, New Jersey & Illinois & have delivered a series of lectures on the evils of drinking. On this tour I have been accompanied by my young friend & assistant, Clyde Lindstrome. Clyde, a young man of good family & excellent background, is a pathetic example of life ruined by excessive indulgence in whiskey & women.

Clyde would appear with me at the lectures & sit on the platform wheezing & staring at the audience through bleary, bloodshot eyes, sweating profusely, picking his nose, passing gas, & making obscene gestures, while I would point him out as an example of what drinking, etc., can do to a person.

Last summer, unfortunately, Clyde died. A mutual friend has given me your name, & I wonder if you would care to take Clyde’s place on my next tour?

Very truly yours,

Reverend Elton Jones

Rescue Mission

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