ninjachic

Sweet! Thanks!

Evidently only MT does!

A lady walks into Tiffany's..she looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts...Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little whoops and prays that a salesperson was not anywhere near... As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her...good looking as well. Cook as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Tiffany's. He politely greets the lady with, 'Good day, Madam.. How may we help you today?" Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little 'incident', she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?" He answers, "Madam..if you farted just looking at it - you're going to shit when I tell you the price."

When hurricane Sandy stuck the East Coast, even houses of worship were not spared. A local television station interviewed a woman from New Jersey and asked how the loss of churches in the area would affect their lives. Without hesitation, the woman replied, "I don't know 'bout all those other people, but we ain't gone to Churches in years. We gets our chicken from Popeye's"

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently, I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my and heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man. And as I played 'Amazing Grace', the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full. As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I've never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years." Guess I need to start asking for directions...

Awesome good to know. Any idea, when it will open?