Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of the swamp near the lake. The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, "I can't understand how You can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age; we were the same size as kids. I just don't get it." "Well," said the big Croc, "what have you been eating?" "Politicians, same as you," replied the small Croc. "Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?" "Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot by the Capitol." "Same here. Hmm. How do you catch them?" "Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock The car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of Them and eat 'em!" "Ah!" says the big Crocodile, "I think I see your problem. You're not Getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the shit Out of a Politician, there's nothing left but an asshole and a briefcase. _____________________________________________________________________ A little girl asked her mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat." "What's that mean?" asked the child. "Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage." The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you." Dad said, "Bring Belle over here." He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said "OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block." The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?" The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block so another dog is pushing her home."