Cdubyah Posted November 20, 2013 Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 OK so there are some hypotheticals first...Every president is in the best physical and mental condition they were ever in throughout the course of their presidency. Fatal maladies have been cured, but any lifelong conditions or chronic illnesses (e.g. FDR’s polio) remain.The presidents are fighting in an ovular arena 287 feet long and 180 feet wide (the dimensions of the [1] Roman Colosseum). The floor is concrete. Assume that weather is not a factor.Each president has been given one standard-issue [2] Gerber LHR Combat Knife , the knife [3] presented to each graduate of the United States Army Special Forces Qualification Course. Assume the presidents have no training outside any combat experiences they may have had in their own lives.There is no penalty for avoiding combat for an extended period of time. Hiding and/or playing dead could be valid strategies, but there can be only one winner. The melee will go on as long as it needs to.FDR has been outfitted with a [4] Bound Plus H-Frame Power Wheelchair, and can travel at a maximum speed of around 11.5 MPH. The wheelchair has been customized so that he is holding his knife with his dominant hand. This is to compensate for his almost certain and immediate defeat in the face of an overwhelming disadvantage.Each president will be deposited in the arena regardless of their own will to fight, however, personal ethics, leadership ability, tactical expertise etc., should all be taken into account. Alliances are allowed. So who would win? What's your take?Reddit originated this, I saw it here. Thought it would be a lively OR discussion over the winter months. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jbot Posted November 20, 2013 Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 teddy would have all those milk drinkers gutted and dressed before mid-morning tea time, mother fucker. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tpoppa Posted November 20, 2013 Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 Ronald Ray-Gun Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScubaCinci Posted November 20, 2013 Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 I'm pretty sure Obama would win by bringing a gun or otherwise manipulating the rules to his favor. Yeah, I'm bitter. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gixxus Christ! Posted November 20, 2013 Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 William McKinley. He fought in several battles during the civil war. Thinking he knows how to weild a knife. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuikAccord Posted November 20, 2013 Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 teddy would have all those milk drinkers gutted and dressed before mid-morning tea time, mother fucker.This was my first thought. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pokey Posted November 20, 2013 Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 George Washington or Ulysses S Grant......hands down one of those 2 would win. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cdubyah Posted November 20, 2013 Author Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 (edited) George Washington or Ulysses S Grant......hands down one of those 2 would win. I'm curious as to why?I believe Washington would survive based on Hero worship. e.g. "I can't kill him, he was the 1st president."Grant would get pretty interesting when someone broke his whiskey bottle. Edited November 20, 2013 by Cdubyah Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pokey Posted November 20, 2013 Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 I'm curious as to why?I believe Washington would survive based on Hero worship. e.g. "I can't kill him, he was the 1st president."Grant would get pretty interesting when someone broke his whiskey bottle. George Washington was portrayed on the show Deadliest Warrior on Spike TV "I liked that show" and he historically was portrayed as being a pretty bad ass guy, he was physically a pretty good size fella as well. Of course so was Teddy Roosevelt, not somebody you would want to cross either. Yeah Grant loved the brown bottle for sure, and I guess he was probably a much better at war tactics than anything else. I still give the nod to ole George, and I will now change to Teddy as a runner up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redbarron77 Posted November 20, 2013 Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 Sorry, but most of the cool US presidents were Masons, and they don't allow killing/fighting among the Fraternity. US President pairings that would have to be exempt: George WashingtonJames MonroeAndrew JacksonJames PolkJames BuchananAndrew JohnsonJames GarfieldWilliam McKinleyTheodore RooseveltHoward TaftWarren HardingFranklin RooseveltHarry TrumanGerald Ford Outside of pairing any of these guys together, I'd put my money on Washington due to his war experience(and the Spike TV show). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cdubyah Posted November 20, 2013 Author Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 I believe Ford would trip over his own feet and stab himself. Not really having to worry about his mason breathernTaft is a HUGE target, he's going down quick. He would need oxygen to last longer than 5 minutes.FDR's chair would eventually be his downfall. So what your saying is they can't kill each other?? So they could team up with someone else that isn't a mason, and have them killed. The plot thickens... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ReconRat Posted November 20, 2013 Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 Teddy was a first thought, but Jackson is better. He didn't just lead his battles from the back, he was known to charge in swinging a sword and pistols at the front. Shot four times in duels. Near dead multiple times from various sicknesses. Violent temper. Yeah. Books about his experiences in combat paint an aggressive picture. But so did stories about Teddy Roosevelt. Jackson has it in tactics. The battle of Horseshoe Bend was 16 to 1 in his favor, and the battle of New Orleans was 100 to 1 in favor. Even if outnumbered two to one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CBBaron Posted November 20, 2013 Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 Age matters here. Jackson was 62 when he was president, Teddy was 41. Grant was in his 50's George was 57. While Jackson may have been the most bad ass, given that it is a physical matchup a 62 year old Jackson, will have a tough time in a long battle against younger and healthier presidents like Teddy. I dont think many modern era presidents have the combination of fighting experience, ruthlessness and physical ablities to match up with the old war heros like George Jackson and Grant.Only problem is Jackson and Teddy are known to be bad asses. So they are likely early targets of group efforts to remove the biggests threats. Strategy and luck would probably play a bigger role than most give credit too. Getting a few Allies together early would probably be key. Ofcourse a hunger games style event would allow the more strategic thinkers to have a better shot. Craig 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gixxus Christ! Posted November 21, 2013 Report Share Posted November 21, 2013 Give Lincoln an Axe and I'm pretty sure the ole rail splitter would clean house. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScubaCinci Posted November 21, 2013 Report Share Posted November 21, 2013 He was a vampire hunter afterall 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cdubyah Posted November 21, 2013 Author Report Share Posted November 21, 2013 I'm pretty sure Obama would win by bringing a gun or otherwise manipulating the rules to his favor. Yeah, I'm bitter. I'm gonna say his method of attack would be sublte distraction. Or blowing smoke up your ass. As a former smoker, he doesn't have the lung capacity to last long in a fight. However, he's younger and an avid basketball player. So he's got a touch of athletisism. Give Lincoln an Axe and I'm pretty sure the ole rail splitter would clean house. Maybe so, but that isn't within the hypothetical rules. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zx3vfr Posted November 21, 2013 Report Share Posted November 21, 2013 G.W. Would win. His daddy would get him exempt for the actual battle then would show up as the last man standing was about to bleed to death. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gixxus Christ! Posted November 21, 2013 Report Share Posted November 21, 2013 Then I'm sticking with McKinley. Hometown guy, fought at bull run...solid bet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cdubyah Posted November 21, 2013 Author Report Share Posted November 21, 2013 G.W. Would win. His daddy would get him exempt for the actual battle then would show up as the last man standing was about to bleed to death. I'm assuming you're talking about George W. Bush? Well then it would be down to him, HW, and the last standing. What happens then? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cdubyah Posted June 30, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 30, 2014 Summertime bump Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gixxus Christ! Posted June 30, 2014 Report Share Posted June 30, 2014 Harding all the way bitches. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DAC Posted June 30, 2014 Report Share Posted June 30, 2014 Give Lincoln an Axe and I'm pretty sure the ole rail splitter would clean house.Even with the knife, Lincoln wins it. I don't know shit about knife fights, but my guess is reach and hand strength would be huge factors and in his best condition, Lincoln was a machine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gixxus Christ! Posted June 30, 2014 Report Share Posted June 30, 2014 Thing about knife fights is almost always one person goes to the hospital, the other the morgue....and all in a matter of seconds. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redbarron77 Posted June 30, 2014 Report Share Posted June 30, 2014 Thing about knife fights is almost always one person goes to the hospital, the other the morgue....and all in a matter of seconds. And that is why you bring a gun to a knife fight, but I think Lincoln might have an issue with guns..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gixxus Christ! Posted July 1, 2014 Report Share Posted July 1, 2014 Dual axe - wielding Lincoln for the win! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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