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Hypothetical Domestic Violence ???


Tpoppa

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If you suspected domestic violence was occuring, what would you do?

 

In this hypothetical, these are not family or close friends, more aquaintences.  And I don't 'know' anything, but I have a suspicion. 

Edited by Tpoppa
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I would report it.

 

There's a lot of scenarios that could be playing out, but it's always best to err on the side of caution.

 

I think worst-case scenario (for you) is that your neighbor knows you called the cops on them, and gets pissed off.  I say man-up and risk that.  If the wife/kid denies that any DV is going on, and you know better, then I'd start claiming you're alarmed or annoyed by the noise (which is getting toward disorderly conduct).  The police aren't dummies (mostly) and they will see through a BS story if wifey is crying, but claims nothing happened.  If they observe injuries, most departments mandate an arrest.  It may get dismissed before going to a trial, but having the arrest on record is helpful.

 

I know I look at DV cases a lot differently when the alleged perp has prior accusations.  If there are prior DV (or assault) convictions, subsequent offenses become felonies.

 

 

Call the cops and tell them what you KNOW, and what you are HEARING.  If that's limited to unexplained injuries on the victim, then that's all you report.  You can express concerns about what you think might be happening, but avoid speculating.  And be prepared to become a witness if you hear a threat or a smack or an object being thrown.  It sucks to be dragged into domestic disputes, but think how the victim feels... living with a person who has physically harmed you is torture far worse than missing work for a day to testify.  /$.02

Edited by redkow97
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1. If you report it and you're wrong, you could ruin the guy's life.

2. If you don't report it and you're right, that poor woman is being beaten.

I wish the system wasn't the way it is. The guy shouldn't be dragged through the dirt if he isn't beating his wife. My conscience would probably make me report it. Like what was said above, only report exactly what you know. Maybe mention a well-being check. I probably wouldn't report it while they're fighting. That'd only escalate things. Maybe the day after while both have had time to calm down.

Just my opinion.

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I would have already done something if I knew for certain.  I don't.  So the question is how certain would you need to be?

 

Also, would it change your opinion if the man is question happens to be a cop?

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report it, if he is innocent then nothing will happen. But, if she is being beaten i can guarantee she is scared. Most times women do not say anything in fear of more beating and no place to go. Yes they have shelters but, in the real world most women dont know how to get to them or where to find them.  alway report it, it could save a life.

COPS do break the law too.

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I don't think him being a cop matters. The fact he's a male does though.

I think it does.  I think the good ole' boys network would make sure there was no record of the report, unless there was something severe or obvious.  And if my suspicion is correct, I think it would get taken out on her.

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1. If you report it and you're wrong, you could ruin the guy's life.

 

how?

 

I understand the stigma of being accused of DV, but if someone is that concerned about their reputation, they can easily take it to trial and air all their grievances.

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I think it does.  I think the good ole' boys network would make sure there was no record of the report, unless there was something severe or obvious.  And if my suspicion is correct, I think it would get taken out on her.

 

If there's an investigation, she will be questioned, and then she can decide whether or not she wants to be truthful, or lie to the police.  I would make that her call though. 

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I think it does.  I think the good ole' boys network would make sure there was no record of the report, unless there was something severe or obvious.  And if my suspicion is correct, I think it would get taken out on her.

you dont have to report it to local police, you can call the sherriff and explain it to them. all she needs is enough time to get out and away, without being caught.

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depending on the situation most friends are more than likely his and family does not always want to be involved.

 

you could always ask her, if you ever see her alone.

also, there is a breaking point with most women, hopefully she finds hers before it is to late.

Edited by snot
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you could always ask her, if you ever see her alone.

also, there is a breaking point with most women, hopefully she finds hers before it is to late.

This is most likely what I am going to do.  I am good at reading people even if they aren't willing/able to tell the truth.  I am typically compelled to do something rather, do nothing and regret it.

 

Once I (correctly) had to call out a former friend for lying about having cancer.  He was accepting all sorts of charitable donations form friends, family, and coworkers...and it was all bullshit.  I could only go on a gut feeling, but how can you prove someone doesn't have cancer?

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If she hasn't reported it by now, there's a strong chance nothing will get reported until she is injured severely enough to require medical attention.

Agree. Most women I know never reported it, it always took something to happen.

A lot has to happen for women to get out of these situations.

It is very sad and only once they are out to they realize it was wrong.

Edited by snot
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At what point did they talk to you about it?

They is me...

And I learned a lot. I know women who over came the same situations.

We never talk about it till its over. Even after hospital visits and numerous complaints from neighbors. Police never did anything. My current hero helped me get out. He did try to strangle me to death but stopped when I started to change colors, he was scared he would go to jail. My employer saw the bruises on my neck and asked if they should call the cops. I said no, I had nowhere to go and was scared he would kill me when he got out.

I finally realized I was stronger than him and I stopped being scared. I then started to look for my way.

Even my family and his friends could not stop it. I thought it was my fault and I deserved it.

Edited by snot
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I think it does. I think the good ole' boys network would make sure there was no record of the report, unless there was something severe or obvious. And if my suspicion is correct, I think it would get taken out on her.

Maybe, the gender bias is usually so strong I think it would surpass the good ole' boy network mentality. I wouldn't unless I witnessed something. To bypass your good Ole boy concern You could just call anonymously and talk to someone at a victims assistance program. Those ladies will be on it like flies on poop.

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They is me...

And I learned a lot. I know women who over came the same situations.

We never talk about it till its over. Even after hospital visits and numerous complaints from neighbors. Police never did anything. My current hero helped me get out. He did try to strangle me to death but stopped when I started to change colors, he was scared he would go to jail. My employer saw the bruises on my neck and asked if they should call the cops. I said no, I had nowhere to go and was scared he would kill me when he got out.

I finally realized I was stronger than him and I stopped being scared. I then started to look for my way.

Even my family and his friends could not stop it. I thought it was my fault and I deserved it.

 

Fuck.

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If you speak to her, remind her she really is not alone and time does heal. Unfortunately it takes a lot of courage to fight back or run away. It will cost her, her life one day if she stays.

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