Dweezel Posted May 21, 2008 Report Share Posted May 21, 2008 A young man goes to his dad and says, dad, for class, we have to define the difference between theory & reality, can you help me. His father ponders, then says, go ask your Mom if she will go to bed with the neighbor for one million bucks. The kid responds, are you sure? Dad says yes, go and ask her, so off he goes, He comes back and says, dad she says yes she would. Dad says, ok now go ask your sister, so off he goes. He comes back and says, dad she says yes she would. His dad says, well son there’s your answer. The kid is confused and says, sorry dad, I don’t understand. Dad says, well son in THEORY we are Multi Millionaires, but in REALITY we are living with two Hookers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kip Drordy Posted May 21, 2008 Report Share Posted May 21, 2008 That reminds me of the joke about the kid who wants to know the difference between confident and confidential.The father responds by saying, "You are my sonI'm confident about that. Your friend next door, he's also my son but thats confidential." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Posted May 21, 2008 Report Share Posted May 21, 2008 A man walks into a bar. His alcoholism is destroying his family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benyen Soljax Posted May 21, 2008 Report Share Posted May 21, 2008 A man walks into a bar. His alcoholism is destroying his family.thats not funny john. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kawi kid Posted May 21, 2008 Report Share Posted May 21, 2008 i heard a different version so i edited yours A young man goes to his dad and says, dad, for class, we have to define the difference between theory & reality, can you help me. His father ponders, then says, go ask your Mom if she will go to bed with the neighbor for one million bucks. The kid responds, are you sure? Dad says yes, go and ask her, so off he goes, He comes back and says, dad she says yes she would. but only for the betterment of the family.Dad says, ok now go ask your sister, so off he goes. He comes back and says, dad she says just cuz she is a virgin she would only suck his dick.dad says now go ask your brother.he comes back and says, dad he said he would but he prob wouldnt like it.His dad says, well son there’s your answer. The kid is confused and says, sorry dad, I don’t understand. Dad says, well son in THEORY we are Multi Millionaires, but in REALITY we are living with a whore, a cock sucker and a queer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
psyco1 Posted May 21, 2008 Report Share Posted May 21, 2008 A baby seal walks(waddles? scoots?) into a bar, the bartender asks what he'll have, he says "anything except a Canadian Club".A termite walks into a pub and asks "Is the bartender here?"A guy walks into a bar, the other guy ducks.A priest, rabbi and minister walk into a bar, the bartender looks up and says "Is this some sort of joke?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Posted May 22, 2008 Report Share Posted May 22, 2008 There's an Irishman, a homosexual, and a Jew standing at a bar. What a fine example of an integrated community. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Posted May 22, 2008 Report Share Posted May 22, 2008 Q: What's a pirate's favorite element on the periodic table?A: Carbon, because it forms the backbones of many energy rich sugars. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dweezel Posted May 22, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 22, 2008 I don't get it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jermattak Posted May 22, 2008 Report Share Posted May 22, 2008 sorry, but those are pretty dumb john! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redbarron77 Posted May 22, 2008 Report Share Posted May 22, 2008 Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:a. When a heroic dog dies to save it's masterb. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blousec. After wrecking your boss' Ferrarid. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into The Crying GameUnless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.Acceptable excuse for not helping a friend move: Your legs have been severed in a freak threshing accident.If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy who's running late is 5 minutes. Maximum.Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. Gripe at will if the temperature is unsuitable.No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (in fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional).When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.It is permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach....and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem---you didn't see nothin'.Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.Never join your girlfriend or wife in dissing a buddy of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.You cannot rat out a coworker who shows up at work with a massive hangover. You may however, hide the aspirin, smear his chair with limburger cheese, turn the brightness dial all the way down so he thinks his monitor is broken, and have him paged over the loudspeaker every seven minutes.Finally...Always split aces and eights. No arguments! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Posted May 22, 2008 Report Share Posted May 22, 2008 they are anti-jokes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SAMBUSA Posted May 22, 2008 Report Share Posted May 22, 2008 A husband carrying a sheep under his arm walked into the bedroom where his wife was laying in bed. Has says "Dear, this is the pig I screw when you have a headache." His wife rolls her eyes and says, "I think you'll find that is a sheep." He replies, "I think you'll find that I wasn't talking to you." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redbarron77 Posted May 22, 2008 Report Share Posted May 22, 2008 The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals.The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Posted May 22, 2008 Report Share Posted May 22, 2008 why does a blonde wear panties?to keep her ankles warm. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redbarron77 Posted May 22, 2008 Report Share Posted May 22, 2008 One day a man came home from work to find his wife crying hysterically in the kitchen."What's wrong dearest??" asked the confused husband."Oh darling," sobbed the wife, "I was cleaning little Suzie's room when I found whips, handcuffs and chains under her bedm, along with a very erotic porn magazine! What ever are we going to do???""Well," replied the man..."I guess a spanking is out of the question?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SAMBUSA Posted May 22, 2008 Report Share Posted May 22, 2008 One day a man came home from work to find his wife crying hysterically in the kitchen."What's wrong dearest??" asked the confused husband."Oh darling," sobbed the wife, "I was cleaning little Suzie's room when I found whips, handcuffs and chains under her bedm, along with a very erotic porn magazine! What ever are we going to do???""Well," replied the man..."I guess a spanking is out of the question?":lol:That's sick and wrong:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jermattak Posted May 22, 2008 Report Share Posted May 22, 2008 why does a blonde wear panties?to keep her ankles warm. theres a winner buddy, haha :cheers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Disclaimer Posted May 22, 2008 Report Share Posted May 22, 2008 they are anti-jokesI like the anti-jokes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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