Buck531 Posted April 26, 2004 Report Share Posted April 26, 2004 Subject: UPDATED EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK - 2004 DRESS CODE: It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your pay. If we see you wearing Prada running sneakers and carrying a $600 Gucci Bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a pay raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a pay raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. SICK LEAVE: We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of illness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. PERSONAL LEAVE: Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. TOILET BREAKS: Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. LUNCH BREAK: Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast. Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex1647545498 Posted April 26, 2004 Report Share Posted April 26, 2004 I doubt many would work there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngryBMW Posted April 26, 2004 Report Share Posted April 26, 2004 That's funny! -Marc Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest stevil Posted April 26, 2004 Report Share Posted April 26, 2004 lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vitamincj Posted April 26, 2004 Report Share Posted April 26, 2004 I think I work at that place. The joke is on them though, I love having my picture taken while on the toilet and then having the picture made public. CJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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