Illegal Immigration

[Guest Crankshaft]

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The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada

has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols

to stop the illegal immigration.

 

The re-election of President Bush is prompting the exodus among

Left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray

and agree with Bill O'Reilly.

 

Canadian border farmers say its not uncommon to see dozens of sociology

professors, animal rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields

at night.

 

"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood

producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield,

whose acreage borders North Dakota. "The producer was cold, exhausted

and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range

chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a

chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"

 

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher

fences but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers

that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he

said. "The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much

they wouldn't give milk."

 

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals

near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive

them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves. "A lot of

these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border

patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking water.

They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."

 

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often

wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors

have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing

re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic

beer and watch NASCAR.

 

In the days since the election, liberals have turned to sometimes

ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as

senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs.

After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs,

Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the

supposed senior-citizen passengers. "If they can't identify the

accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about

their age," an official said.

 

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are

causing an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan

Sarandon movies. I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian

economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many

art-history majors does one country need?" In an effort to ease tensions

between the United States and Canada, Vice President Dick Cheney met

with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would

take steps to reassure liberals, a source close to Cheney said. "We're

going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might put some

endangered species on postage stamps. The President is determined to

reach out."

 

 

A note to Neo: I believe every word of this is true. graemlins/nod.gif

[TurboII7]

haha, that is pretty funny, make them drink beer and watch nascar.. that is great

[old dirty bastard]

LMAO!!!

[OGRE]

hahahaha

[Guest GSRchick714]

hahaha

Some have taken to posing as

senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs.

After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs,

Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the

supposed senior-citizen passengers. "If they can't identify the

accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about

their age," an official said.

Thats hilarious!! graemlins/grin2.gif

[95probegt]

nice, very nice