El Karacho1647545492 Posted August 24, 2006 Report Share Posted August 24, 2006 Due to the recent influx of "I got a ticket, what do I dooooooo!?" threads, I've decided to pool the infinite wisdom that my 19 year old, wise-beyond-its-years mind has to offer and the myriad of tips and tricks that the members of this board have enlightened us all with in the past few weeks. This is essentially an amalgam of foolproof ways to stick it to the man without any consequences whatsoever. Tip #1: Evade police. If they can't catch you, they can't issue you a citation. Your "I can't drive fifty-five" mantra wasn't meant to be torn down simply because there's a few red and blue lights flashing behind you. Besides, if they pulled you over, they'd have probable cause with your ticket and would invariably find the twelve kilos of Columbian black tar heroin hidden in your wheel wells and spare tire compartment. And always remember, when you're evading police, the best way to escape is to go into a dried up canal and use your nitrous, which is always toggled by a button on the shift knob. Tip #2: Should you find yourself low on gas, drunk, or high behind the wheel and evading police is not a possibility, get out your gun. As an officer of the law, police always understand the bond between two people with firearms. He will see you as an equal, both as an intelligent person and as a protector of his territory. Therefore, he will walk away without a word and you will be free to go on your merry way. Tip #3: Shit yourself. No cop likes dealing with a dookie-covered pansy. MYTH: Flashing a cop will get you nowhere. Chances are that you'll just end up getting pounded in the cornhole by Officer Smokey Sausagecock, and you'll still get the speeding ticket. In the event that you run into a gay cop, or a female cop, you'll just have to take the ticket because gays and women are impossible to create foolproof solutions to. Fortunately, there are ways you can get out of the ticket once you've already been cited. Tip #4: Mafia. It exists for a reason. Hire the mafia to either coerce the judge into letting you off, threaten the cop into not appearing and thus voiding you of responsibility, or just using their mob connections in ways that you pay not to know about. Tip #5: Blowjobs. Lots and lots of blowjobs. Tip #6: Show up and deny the incident. Deny that you were ever present for the issuing of the citation, deny that you've ever seen that cop in your life, deny that you even have a drivers license. In fact, deny that you're even a U.S. citizen. If they think you're not a citizen, they won't charge you and they won't even make you pay income tax! Its like killing two birds with one gigantic retarded stone. Tip #7: If all else fails, call Turbs3000 and he'll magically change Ohio law to work in your favor. He's experienced like that because he's gotten 2 tickets! I hope this helps you all and puts and end to all your problems with the po. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coty061885 Posted August 24, 2006 Report Share Posted August 24, 2006 Too much time on your hands...but thanks for the laugh! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Pomade Posted August 24, 2006 Report Share Posted August 24, 2006 And always remember, when you're evading police, the best way to escape is to go into a dried up canal and use your nitrous, which is always toggled by a button on the shift knob. As an officer of the law, police always understand the bond between two people with firearms. He will see you as an equal, both as an intelligent person and as a protector of his territory. Therefore, he will walk away without a word and you will be free to go on your merry way. These two made me laugh out loud. Great post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Science Abuse Posted August 24, 2006 Report Share Posted August 24, 2006 lollerz! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turbosi44 Posted August 24, 2006 Report Share Posted August 24, 2006 I About fell out of my chair when I read #2 and #3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Balian Posted August 24, 2006 Report Share Posted August 24, 2006 Nice.........That covers everything.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skinner Posted August 24, 2006 Report Share Posted August 24, 2006 LMAO sticky FTW Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin R. Posted August 24, 2006 Report Share Posted August 24, 2006 You're my hero. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lustalbert Posted August 25, 2006 Report Share Posted August 25, 2006 That was actually worth reading. Bravo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
s13 Posted August 25, 2006 Report Share Posted August 25, 2006 What do I do if I'm in a canal and my NOS tank is empty? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Karacho1647545492 Posted August 25, 2006 Author Report Share Posted August 25, 2006 What do I do if I'm in a canal and my NOS tank is empty? Chances are your bottle isn't empty, you just forgot to lift the passenger seat and open the bottles. In the rare case that your NOS bottles didn't magically refill themselves last night, all you have to do is exit the canal and pull into the nearest parking garage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeteS40 Posted August 25, 2006 Report Share Posted August 25, 2006 :pics: add pics for a play by play i may need to carry them with me.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miller Posted August 25, 2006 Report Share Posted August 25, 2006 Alex, dattwas golden. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rally Pat Posted August 25, 2006 Report Share Posted August 25, 2006 This is up there with the most brilliant things every posted on CR. Props to you sir, you should write a book. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slowbusa Posted August 25, 2006 Report Share Posted August 25, 2006 Tip #1 -- t0 add to this make sure the gas light isnt on when runing from the cops on the busa ur on ---just ask mike, tilly know who im talking about Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Pomade Posted August 26, 2006 Report Share Posted August 26, 2006 Tip #1 -- t0 add to this make sure the gas light isnt on when runing from the cops on the busa ur on ---just ask mike, tilly know who im talking about True story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeathSandwich Posted August 27, 2006 Report Share Posted August 27, 2006 this thread should have been "don't violate traffic laws" /endthread Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeathSandwich Posted August 27, 2006 Report Share Posted August 27, 2006 and also.. I like how Johnny Depp's character in 'Fear and Loathing' got out of it... (By kissing Gary Busey) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thorne Posted August 30, 2006 Report Share Posted August 30, 2006 Another awesome tip... Tell them there pulling you over because you drive a TIGHT ride.. and that they should stop hatin... works all the time try it and see Turbs uses it i hear Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stangsn95gt Posted August 31, 2006 Report Share Posted August 31, 2006 almost shit myself on #3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Karacho1647545492 Posted September 1, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 1, 2006 almost shit myself on #3 good to know you're following directions already Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sawbinder Posted September 4, 2006 Report Share Posted September 4, 2006 I liked that it was good, actually worth reading and funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Karacho1647545492 Posted September 4, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 4, 2006 I liked that it was good, actually worth reading and funny. I'd say thats a good enough stamp of approval for me, given the nature of your career. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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