Jump to content

a "possessed" Benz


cinergi

Recommended Posts

Quote:

Alas! Patrons of Craigslist Detroit Metro,

 

I have something very special for you! So sit down, get comfy, and prepare to read my epic ad:

 

Picture it, Craigslist, October 2007, a small ad offering a used 2000 Polar White Mercedes Benz ML430, $13,500 OBO. (I bet you’re thinking to yourself, Damn, I shouldn’t have passed that ad up.) Well I had people respond to the ad (Unlike YOU!) come, look at the car, an old lady at Somerset, some man and his child at a restaurant in Downtown Rochester. Some weirdo that flew in from Chicago, but sadly for me (luckily for you) all the bozos passed up this fantastic offer.

 

Well it’s back, and it has been in 2 car accidents since! So picture this, a pristine white Mercedes ML430, now with no rear view mirrors, drags its front bumper, the rear right and left quarter panels have dents in them. The hoods a little loose, and the grill is hanging. Not to mention the back bumper is falling off as well. Now, I bet you’re wondering why I would put such a fantastic automobile up for sale, simple, it’s possessed. That was my suspicion, and then the dealership confirmed it. Now, why is this car possessed? Well, I will tell you why.

 

It all started way back in August of 2007. It was a lovely summer day and I was meeting my father for lunch at The Rochester Mills Brewing Co. I pulled into the oh-so tiny parking lot and was closing the sunroof when the metal wind deflector broke off flew threw the air and hit me in the head. (Oh yea, I’m fine, thanks for asking.) Now, why would I say it’s possessed, that was one instance, well I will tell you of another journey when the car tried to kill me. October 2007, I’m driving the Benz down Walton Blvd. when all of the sudden the seat moves as far forward as it can pinning me up against the steering wheel traveling 55mph. Well what the heck! Who did that! Not I! I’m alone in my car, I’m being crushed by the seat, luckily, I’m very thin. I start to panic, “What are you doing car” I shout! I hit the memory seat button (Another fantastic feature on this car!) and the seat moves back, no, it moves all the way back, to the point of “Oh, I can’t reach the brakes” so I unbuckle, slide forward, pull over, and go to Subway.

 

After I have my $3.99 sub of the day (I think it was Wednesday, because I had a Turkey sub), I decide to fight this thing to the Mercedes Benz Dealership. Well I pull into the garage get out go to the service desk where I tell the receptionist all about how I think the car is possessed. She says that’s not possible. She comes with me to go inspect the car. “The seat motor is dead” she exclaimed. I said “no, the car is possessed” She went and got a mechanic, “The seat motor is dead” he exclaimed. “No, the car is possessed” I replied. He shook his head no and walked off. Me and the receptionist stood there and argued, possessed, motor, possessed, motor, ect. Well what do you know, while we were arguing, the seat moved all the way forward, all the way back, and all the way forward again (BY ITSELF!). “See” I said, she couldn’t believe it. I told her the car is possessed, she said ”yes”. When I got in to leave I said to the car “thank you for not making me look stupid back there” It said nothing back.

 

Now, why would I tell you the car is possessed, is it because I don’t want a law suit when it kills you. No, that’s not it. Is it because I wanted to tell you this really long story, no, that’s not it either. It’s because there are billions of cars in this world, billions. How many of these billions of car are possessed. Not a lot mister, not a lot. So, seeing how my car is like 1 in 1,000,000,000 and I’m sure there’s some freaky creepy Goth nitch market for this, I can now charge more for less. So if you would like to purchase a possessed, human killing, bumper dragging, seat moving, Bose Stereo equipped, seven passenger Mercedes Benz, I will sell it to you for $30,000!

 

$30,000 What a deal! How can I let this car pass me up again! Well here’s how you can make sure that doesn’t happen! You can call me, Jimmy, that’s Jimmy with two M’s, at 248-709-0822. So you don’t have a phone, well you’re still in luck, because I have e-mail! For all you older people don’t worry about that, it will just confuse you. My e-mail is jwprosser1988@yahoo.com.

 

Now, if phones and e-mail aren’t your forte, (damn Amish -- just kidding) you can send me a smoke signal!

 

Assignment America: Go, run, tell your friends, and family to get their checkbooks out and call me, because I’m having such a good day, I’m willing to go $30,000 OBO! Wahoo! This particular vehicle non-possessed would Kelly Blue Book for around actually, Kelly Blue Book doesn’t say! Haha! So I’ll lie and say it was $15,500! Good Luck, no seriously, if I sell you the car, GOOD LUCK!

 

http://images.craigslist.org/01020301161101041220080217b308bae8996b2ac53f009331.jpg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...