AWW$HEEET Posted May 1, 2012 Report Share Posted May 1, 2012 (edited) Ok the rules here are simple. Everyone loves a good copy pasta, here's the chance to pen your own. I know all you fuckin literary einsteins are lurking out there. Ill start. *edit* you are supposed to write your own. Don't copy and paste from somewhere else. So I was walking to get my mail when I saw this really creepy guy sitting on my neighbors porch, staring at me. I bent over to glance in the mailbox, knowing full well he was staring at my ass. I wasn't too happy. I felt kinda bad cause his hair was frazzled, skin was kinda dark like he hadn't showered in awhile. I thought about calling the cops, but maybe he was legit, those neighbors generally have creepy dudes over anyway. The next day, I come home, drop my keys, go to make a fruit smoothie and take my womens one a day vitamin, when I see a shadow on the floor. I look up, and the guy from the day before is sitting on my roof, staring down at me through my skylight, masturbating. Oh. My. Fucking. God. I run to call the police. I find their number, and go lock the doors. The phone finally goes through and I am put on hold. Sometime between being on hold, and talking to someone, my vagina feels kinda warm. Within a minute, its throbbing, and I realize that I am turned on for some reason. I have never, ever had a fetish or anything. I hang up, and run to the bathroom. Through my pants, I can see I am soaked. I pull them down and my labia is plump, and drooling. I can't believe myself. Its like my body is on autopilot. I walk to the skylight area, and see the man still sitting there. I beckon him down toward the back of the house. He climbs down the trellis, and sees me in my panties, buck my titties out, standing full perk, all 36C. He walks over, reaking of a rendering plant, but I don't even care. I take him full mount on my heat pump. About a minute in, he pushes me off, I get to my knees and take his full load. His nuts absoultely reak. About halfway through his load, I notice its a murky green/yellow, certainly not healthy. Regardless he pulls up his tattered pants and takes off running. Anyway. I just wanted to see if you guys thought it was an STD or if I should get it checked out? TIA. Edited May 1, 2012 by AWW$HEEET Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rustlestiltskin Posted May 1, 2012 Report Share Posted May 1, 2012 tl&dr Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patterson Posted May 1, 2012 Report Share Posted May 1, 2012 (edited) e nozze di Figaro, ossia la folle giornata (The Marriage of Figaro, or The Day of Madness), K. 492, is an opera buffa (comic opera) composed in 1786 in four acts by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, with a libretto in Italian by Lorenzo Da Ponte, based on a stage comedy by Pierre Beaumarchais, La folle journée, ou le Mariage de Figaro (1784). Beaumarchais' earlier play The Barber of Seville had already made a successful transition to opera in a version by Paisiello. Although Beaumarchais' Marriage of Figaro was at first banned in Vienna because of its satire of the aristocracy, considered dangerous in the decade before the French Revolution, Mozart and his librettist managed to get official approval for an operatic version which eventually achieved great success. The opera was the first of three collaborations between Mozart and Da Ponte; their later collaborations were Don Giovanni and Così fan tutte. It was Mozart who originally selected Beaumarchais' play and brought it to Da Ponte, who turned it into a libretto in six weeks, rewriting it in poetic Italian and removing all of the original's political references. In particular, Da Ponte replaced Figaro's climactic speech against inherited nobility with an equally angry aria against unfaithful wives. Contrary to the popular myth, the libretto was approved by the Emperor, Joseph II, before any music was written by Mozart. I then put it in Mozart's butt. It was good. The Imperial Italian opera company paid Mozart 450 florins for the work;[2] this was three times his (low) salary for a year, when he had worked as a court musician in Salzburg.[3] Da Ponte was paid 200 florins. Figaro premiered at the Burgtheater in Vienna on 1 May 1786, the cast for which is included in the "Roles" section below. Mozart himself directed the first two performances, conducting seated at the keyboard, the custom of the day. Later performances were by Joseph Weigl.[4] The first production was given eight further performances, all in 1786.[5] Although the total of nine performances was nothing like the frequency of performance of Mozart's later success The Magic Flute, which for months was performed roughly every other day,[6] the premiere is generally judged to have been a success. The applause of the audience on the first night resulted in five numbers being encored, seven on 8 May.[7] Joseph II, who, in addition to his empire, was in charge of the Burgtheater, was concerned by the length of the performance and directed his aide Count Rosenberg as follows: "To prevent the excessive duration of operas, without however prejudicing the fame often sought by opera singers from the repetition of vocal pieces, I deem the enclosed notice to the public (that no piece for more than a single voice is to be repeated) to be the most reasonable expedient. You will therefore cause some posters to this effect to be printed."[8] The requested posters were printed up and posted in the Burgtheater in time for the third performance on 24 May.[9] The newspaper Wiener Realzeitung carried a review of the opera in its issue of 11 July 1786. It alludes to interference probably produced by paid hecklers, but praises the work warmly: "Mozart's music was generally admired by connoisseurs already at the first performance, if I except only those whose self-love and conceit will not allow them to find merit in anything not written by themselves. The public, however … did not really know on the first day where it stood. It heard many a bravo from unbiassed connoisseurs, but obstreperous louts in the uppermost storey exerted their hired lungs with all their might to deafen singers and audience alike with their St! and Pst; and consequently opinions were divided at the end of the piece. Apart from that, it is true that the first performance was none of the best, owing to the difficulties of the composition. Hal is gay. But now, after several performances, one would be subscribing either to the cabal or to tastelessness if one were to maintain that Herr Mozart's music is anything but a masterpiece of art. It contains so many beauties, and such a wealth of ideas, as can be drawn only from the source of innate genius."[10] The Hungarian poet Ferenc Kazinczy was in the audience for a May performance, and later remembered the powerful impression the work made on him: "[Nancy] Storace [see below], the beautiful singer, enchanted eye, ear, and soul. – Mozart directed the orchestra, playing his fortepiano; the joy which this music causes is so far removed from all sensuality that one cannot speak of it. White needs a sammich. Where could words be found that are worthy to describe such joy?"[11] I put it in Gabes butt. It was good. Joseph Haydn appreciated the opera greatly, writing to a friend that he heard it in his dreams.[12] In summer 1790 Haydn attempted to produce the work with his own company at Eszterháza, but was prevented from doing so by the death of his patron, Nikolaus Esterházy.[13] Meeler like in in the butt. He'll get it too. Edited May 1, 2012 by Patterson Fixed for ghey rules. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duff1647545513 Posted May 1, 2012 Report Share Posted May 1, 2012 The young 17 year old fair haired blue eyed boy with pale skin visable out from his open buttoned shirt was sitting down as a larger more toned boy came bursting into the room, the smaller lad asked "Why aren't thou here?" to this the larger replied "To KE65J8Hzjr4 you in the rectum" The robot then removed his overcoat and used an extender-arm shaped like a large mushroom to grab and pull the girl towards him, the tentacles then began to shread his clothes revealing his large penis already gasping from the compact space present in the ducks normal sized pants and shot itself into the beasts mouth. The penis proceeded to rape the octopus spreading its noxious juices into the bearskin rug fluffing the giants hard cock which melts away and the baby throws the fair haired lad to the floor and penetrates the inner flank of the enemy stronghold with guns blazing, the robot proceeds to search for the princess only to find more enemy soldiers in another castle and blows its load at the cock suckers face. He enjoys it licking the primal juices from the worms when are cast into the lake. Harboring the lake a large multi-tentacled monster emerges and is killed and its remains are used to summon a T-Rex. The dinosaur fucks the larger boy with her vaginal laser and orgasms with a high score of 9300 screaming her power level into the dark abyss. The fair heared cum stained alien swallows the robots grating cock whole causing his mouth to bleed with sea men who take them both hostage and rape them without making any demmands, Mr T breaks down the 3rd door and shoots rainbow semen from his chaincocks pasting the room with a musky stench. the A-Team enters and proceeds to fuck the life out of the newly conceived captors saving the day. Before they leave the couple ask "what can we do to repay you" to this the A-Team turns into Chuck Norris who punches them into the wall and the T-Rex woken by the orgy turns around and charges her cock into Chuck penetrating him into space where the clothes all burn of and the Lesbian family finishes the day fucking each others turtles. The end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TTQ B4U Posted May 1, 2012 Report Share Posted May 1, 2012 tl&dr tl&dr There.....copypasta'd that same shit because this shit made my head hurt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
87GT Posted May 1, 2012 Report Share Posted May 1, 2012 Sunday afternoon I was driving on karl road going towards morse road. I saw a blacked out GMC and Ford SUV on massive rims pass a bag out one window to the other while driving around 35mph. It didn't look big enough to be a body. I guess it was drugs, or money, or both. All of this happened less then 1/4 mile away from the fire station. They both turned right on a side street afterwards. Not a single fuck was given. Everyone went the speed limit and I got my hash browns at waffle house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2pointslow Posted May 1, 2012 Report Share Posted May 1, 2012 And girls want to fuck alpha males. Let it piss you off as much as you want, but you know it's completely true. That girl you like who is kinda cute in a weird way, but is totally sweet and you have the biggest crush on? The one who keeps going back to guys who treat her wrong for reasnos you don't understand? The one who calls you up at 1 am to cry about how her boyfriend hasn't called her in 3 days, and no matter how long you listen to her, she'll never think of you as anything other than asexual? The one who will curl up next to you on the couch, hug you close, kiss you on the cheek, and never let you fucking touch her beyond that? Yeah, I'm fucking her. The hot girl who won't even look at you when you nod at them and smile? The one who laughs when you trip in the hallway and drop your stuff? The one who comes up and coyly aks for your help with her homework, and then pretends you don't exist once you finish? Yeah, I'm fucking her too, even harder. The geeky girl you think might be enough like you that you have a chance with her? She plays warcraft on your server, and watches anime, and reads comics? She's so incredible and you just love her so much but you still haven't worked up the courage to tell her how you feel about her? Guess who just sucked me off and told me they'll always love me? And what's more? I laugh at guys like you. When you cry about how much girls treat you bad, and wonder why they can't just see that you're a nice guy who would always treat them right? I nod and tell you to hang in there, you'll find someone right for you someday, don't give up hope man. But inside? I'm laughing my ass off at you you pathetic fuck. Every girl you set your sights on, who isn't a disgusting pig-monster, I'm going to fuck 6 ways from sunday before you even tell her you think she's cute. I won't bother trying when you finally settle for that 350 pound girl who works at hardees, you can have that. Anything else I'm going to cum on her face before you get those lips near it. And the biggest reason I laugh? It's not me doing all this. It's the girls. When you cry about how lonely you are? Or talk about how you just want to curl up and dissapear, and all that emo bullshit? You're triggering her "Don't Fuck" instinct something feirce. You're a miserable weak coward, why would she want your genes? Feel free to buy her a new computer and help her decorate her apartment, you're great for that. But her baby-maker is barking orders at her, telling her to wrap her legs around me and hold on for as long as she can. She needs it, on a primal level you'll never get to see first hand, even if you do get a chance to fuck her. Sooner or later one of them will lay back and spread their legs, but you won't see any hunger in their eyes. They won't beg you to love them forever and make them yours. You won't know what it's like to see her animal side needing you as much as she needs to eat and breath. And she's cheating on you, I promise that. When she sits around quiet and uncomfortable, acting irritable and irrational towards you, wanting you to just back away and leave her alone, it's not her period. It's because I haven't called her for a day or two and her instincts are telling her to go find me. The primitive section of her brain doesn't want to risk smelling like another man when she gives herself to me, she wants me to know she's completely mine. We do things together she tells you she never would. Her pooper? Mine. I want to give her a facial? of course. I want her to suck the cum out of my dick, even though I just finished pumping away at her ass? she's never going to tell me no. She doesn't WNAT to tell me no. She wants me to know she'll do anything it takes to keep me. She'll rim my ass while she's down there sucking me off if it means pleasing me. She'll drink my cum from a shotglass. She'll wear a buttplug when we go out to dinner. She'll sleep handcuffed to my headboard. Anything. And then she'll go home to you and tell you she's not in the mood today. I'd say you should become an hero, but you being aruond makes her want a real man all the more, so keep fagging it up emo bitches, I'll keep that pussy warm while you're crying in the corner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeffro Posted May 1, 2012 Report Share Posted May 1, 2012 http://cache.ohinternet.com/images/e/e0/OrigCash.jpg Hey Faggots, My name is jeff, and I hate every single one of you. All of you are fat, retarded, no-lifes who spend every second of their day looking at stupid ass pictures. You are everything bad in the world. Honestly, have any of you ever gotten any pussy? I mean, I guess it's fun making fun of people because of your own insecurities, but you all take to a whole new level. This is even worse than jerking off to pictures on facebook. Don't be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I'm pretty much perfect. I was captain of the football team, and starter on my basketball team. What sports do you play, other than "jack off to naked drawn Japanese people"? I also get straight A's, and have a banging hot girlfriend (She just blew me; Shit was SO cash). You are all faggots who should just kill yourselves. Thanks for listening. Pic Related: It's me and my bitch Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AWW$HEEET Posted May 1, 2012 Author Report Share Posted May 1, 2012 one muggy night in bali, Indonesia, i was wandering through some alleys, and trying to find a spot to party. since i basically came alone on this trip (church mission which we just completed, the others went home earlier this day), i was looking for some excitement. you know, that kinda once in a lifetime excitement. having popped some X and Special K earlier, i was starting to hit that euphoric trip that i generally get when i combine the two. i get some kind of heart palpitations, etc, but it usually ends well. the sun was setting, i could hear the clubs in the distance, i knew fun was imminent. i stumble into the first club i find. music is bangin and people begin filtering in. i go get a drink and check my phone, no service. i dont know why i even bothered, i never once got service here. about 5 minutes in, i see a hot lil thai chick eyein me up. she comes over and we try to muddle through some conversation but neither of us understand eachother, but we know where its leading. my crotch was engorged like a motherfucker so i take her to the bathroom and she starts rubbing my crotch, i rub hers then pull then pull her pants down and start hitting it from behind. all of a sudden, i feel something dangling down and i start freaking the fuck out. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU A FUCKIN DUDE!? about that time, a bouncer rolls in and picks us up, drags us out the door and dumps us on the curb in front of the club. my buzz quickly wears off and i realize that i was never even in bali, but in the short north at Lev3L night club. this has happnened many a time before and I am just as stunned this time as I am every time. i look over at the other "chick" i was railing in the bathroom. yeah it was still actually a dude. i kicked his blodied face then check his wallet "JEFF HUTT". wait a second. i actually know this dude. til this day i still cringe. Jeff butt fuckin Hutt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Green Bastard Posted May 4, 2012 Report Share Posted May 4, 2012 so i was walkin down the street one day when i came across a homeless guy actin crazy. not just your regular homeless crazy but the kind you just dont walk away from, the kind that makes you curious to see more... so i walked around the guy to get a better look, it was chris brown. i asked him what he was doing and he replied "getting ready to beat rhianna's ass again." i looked at him kinda confused and asked him what he meant. he then pulled down his pants and whipped his shit out and on the head of his dick was a tattoo of rhianna's face. he then started stroking it when i said "WTF dude, thats fucked up!!!" then he paused long enough to get out "i need practice". then he went back at it harder than ever, beating his shit on walls and anyone who happened to be near as he was doing this, he kind of looked like a raged monkey. all of a sudden he "released" and it was all over, or so i thought... turned out he had finished on a guy standing in close proximity, it was eminem. he looked pissed but didnt say anything, just licked his lips and proceeded to walk away while pulling out his phone, he was dialing dre. all i could make out in the conversation was "some dude just nutted on me, you better get down here and take care of it, you know i only take your nut.." and thats all i could hear before he was out of hearing range. about 5 mins later i see a g body pull up sittin on 26's. got da spinners and the dents in the trunk, looked like something from the rubberlayin chronicles, but it was dre and snoop that stepped out. eminem then walked back up to point the guy out, dre and snoop walked over to see what was goin on, grabbed the guy by the shoulder and as he turned around he had that crazy look again. dre then looked back after realizing who it was and called out "hey bitch, get over here". eminem walks over and says "sup dre?" dre looks at him and said "you know who this is??? its chris muthafukin brown bitch. why you call me out for this shit bitch? now get down on your knees and take every drop of his nut!" so he took him in the back alley while snoop pulled out a dubsac and everyone got high and had a good time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2pointslow Posted May 6, 2012 Report Share Posted May 6, 2012 Your macho insecurity reflects every day in my tears.You are bad and hurt those who don't want it. You are stupid and think you're better than women. Every time you call me a slut, it makes your brain a bit smaller. I'm tired and can't go on with my heart, you're the devil, you ar ebad and don't think you're better than me or ANYONE else. You are bad forever." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unfunnyryan Posted May 6, 2012 Report Share Posted May 6, 2012 this thread sucks and most of you have the writing ability of a barn cat with extra chromosomes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Green Bastard Posted May 7, 2012 Report Share Posted May 7, 2012 this thread sucks and most of you have the writing ability of a barn cat with extra chromosomes. wheres your contribution then stephen king? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unfunnyryan Posted May 21, 2012 Report Share Posted May 21, 2012 wheres your contribution then stephen king? naw shit i aint original So I'm about 16, right, and I always go down to this bank to take money out. I only had a savings account so I didn't have an ATM card at the time. There was always this cute chick working there. She'd always smile and greet me, and I'd always try to go to her line. As she was a bank teller, I only saw her sitting down. This is important later. One day, I just work up all the confidence I can and I ask her out as I'm taking out some money. She said yes! So we set up a time around the weekend for me to come over and pick her up. She gives me her number, I get her address, and I skip home (not literally, but you know) as happy as can be. So it's the weekend, and I drive up to her house in my little beat up honda. I knock on her door and her dad answers. A split second of "oh shit" comes over me, but he just gives me this heartwarming smile and invites me into this house. I instantly feel at ease and we go sit down in the living room. Her dad is all happy like "i'm so glad you're taking my daughter out" and "i really really appreciate it" and all this crazyness. So i'm starting to think to myself "uh oh what have i gotten myself into" So her dad reaches into his pocket and pulls out a set of car keys. He says "I want you to take my car." I said "No thats okay I have my car" He's all like "no no no" practically forcing the keys into my hand. Still keeping his big smile on his face. No sooner does he give me the keys than do I hear from up the stairs "BZZZZZZZZZZ" No shit, she's in a wheelchair! A split second of shallow human being comes over me, but I think about it and say to myself " I can do this! She's awesome and has a great personality, fuck it!" We go outside, and I realize why her dad wanted me to take his truck. It was all rigged up with the belts and harnesses and the door that came all the way out for the wheelchair. So I took his truck, and we head to the movies. Best part? The handicap spot! So we're in the theater, and no sooner does the movie start, than she starts putting her hands on my junk! She's a freak! That's totally cool with me! We start making out almost during the whole movie. My parents are out of town that weekend, so I ask her if she wants to come back to my place. She says Yes so we get back in her dads truck and we're on the way to my house. We arrive at my house, I have stairs, so I have to carry her inside. Thankfully my room is on the first floor. So i get her inside, throw her on the bed, and we start going at it. I've got her in missionarry position, it's pitch black in my house and i'm pounding the fuck out of her, when all of a sudden i hear a "POP" Sure as shit, her leg fucking comes off. She's got a fake fucking leg! How did I miss that shit? "KEEP GOING" she screams as I pull her leg and throw that shit across the room. So I'm fucking her and fucking her and sure as shit, I hear another POP! So I pull her leg just like I'm pulling yours. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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