If world war one was a bar fight

[gen3flygirl]

Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria’s pint.

Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit because there are splashes on its trouser leg.

Germany expresses its support for Austria’s point of view.

Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit.

Serbia points out that it can’t afford a whole suit, but offers to pay for the cleaning of Austria’s trousers.

Russia and Serbia look at Austria.

Austria asks Serbia who it’s looking at.

Russia suggests that Austria should leave its little brother alone.

Austria inquires as to whose army will assist Russia in compelling it to do so.

Germany appeals to Britain that France has been looking at it, and that this is sufficiently out of order that Britain should not intervene.

Britain replies that France can look at who it wants to, that Britain is looking at Germany too, and what is Germany going to do about it?

Germany tells Russia to stop looking at Austria, or Germany will render Russia incapable of such action.

Britain and France ask Germany whether it’s looking at Belgium.

Turkey and Germany go off into a corner and whisper. When they come back, Turkey makes a show of not looking at anyone.

Germany rolls up its sleeves, looks at France, and punches Belgium.

France and Britain punch Germany. Austria punches Russia. Germany punches Britain and France with one hand and Russia with the other.

Russia throws a punch at Germany, but misses and nearly falls over. Japan calls over from the other side of the room that it’s on Britain’s side, but stays there. Italy surprises everyone by punching Austria.

Australia punches Turkey, and gets punched back. There are no hard feelings because Britain made Australia do it.

France gets thrown through a plate glass window, but gets back up and carries on fighting. Russia gets thrown through another one, gets knocked out, suffers brain damage, and wakes up with a complete personality change.

Italy throws a punch at Austria and misses, but Austria falls over anyway. Italy raises both fists in the air and runs round the room chanting.

America waits till Germany is about to fall over from sustained punching from Britain and France, then walks over and smashes it with a barstool, then pretends it won the fight all by itself.

By now all the chairs are broken and the big mirror over the bar is shattered. Britain, France and America agree that Germany threw the first punch, so the whole thing is Germany’s fault . While Germany is still unconscious, they go through its pockets, steal its wallet, and buy drinks for all their friends.

[jbot]

someone is going to give you a wedgie for making a history dork joke

[Big Chief201]

You could argue the Triple Entente did but no-one has actually won a war since 1865. Consider the following:

• Serbia: disappeared for a century. Not a winner.
  
• Russia: sensibly backed out halfway through and had a revolution instead. Didn't recover till 1990. Loser.
  
• Austria-Hungary: ceased to be an Empire, split into component parts, lost many of them, weakened to the extent that Austria took Nazi invasion lying down less than 20 years later. Not a winner.
  
• Germany: Lost its Emperor, became a Republic (so far so good), but was forced by Woodrow Wilson to pay for the war; did so in the only possible way by devaluing the currency; totally ruined by galloping inflation; all savings wiped out; Republic desperately unpopular; rise of Nazism inevitable. You haven't won when you've got Hitler.
  
• France: lost an entire generation of young men, the whole North-West of the country devastated. Got back the 2 provinces in the North-East that it started the war to get, but left the Grmans so bitter that they came right back 20 years later. If that's winning, I'm a banana.
  
• UK: Permanently impoverished, lost world dominance and a vast empire over the next half-century, lost sovereignty of the seas, became America's poodle. Pathetic.
  
• Japan: similar to Germany, only believed it had actually won the war, which produced dreams of Imperial dominance which led to wars of aggression over the next 20 years and directly to Hiroshima. Ouch.
  
• Turkey: just plain lost. End of Empire, end of everything for three-quarters of a century.
  
• Poland: Ah. certainly gained a certain autonomy, but lost it again to the Germans and then the Russians next time round. Nice try guys, but no win this time.
  
• Czechoslovakia: Came into existence. Disappeared again 20 years later. Re-appeared as a Russian puppet. Vanished again in the 1990s. Where?
  
• Yugoslavia: Well, ditto.
  
• Italy: Permanently humiliated. Ripe for Fascism. Virtual civil war until next big defeat, political turmoil ever since. Hardly a win there.
  
• Greece: Pretty well smashed, as usual.
  
• USA: Best candidate for title of winner, but the cost of the war, once Germany defaulted on the payment, led to the Depression, and the precedent set by Wilson destroyed American isolationism, persuaded you Yanks that the world's business is your business, and led directly to the mess you're in today - a do-do so deep that most Americans don't even know they're in it.
  

Found this a lil bit ago.... good summary

[CattaniAFJ]

That is an awesome likeness!

[Wicked1]

I was going to read that but then I remembered I had to iron my socks.

[RFM]

as i was reading the story, i thought at the end it was going to say America came into the bar and arrested all the countries. as everyone always says America is the worlds police.

**Correction** Self appointed world police.

[hue jass]

**correction** Former world police.

[ReconRat]

reeee post.... but I enjoyed reading it twice...

err, actually it was a response to a thread...

http://www.ohio-riders.com/showpost.php?p=567444&postcount=5