Two motorcycle-related jokes for you. A young guy buys a new ZX-14R and he’s really proud of it. He’s out riding around, enjoying having a more powerful bike than anyone he knows. He’s stopped at a light when an old geezer on an ancient, rusty scooter pulls up beside him. “What kinda motorsickle ya got there, sonny?” asks the old guy. “This is a Ninja ZX-14R,” the young guy replies proudly. “Most powerful production motorcycle you can buy!” “Ya don’t say! Sure is a nice lookin’ motorsickle.” The old guy’s leaning over, checking out the gauge cluster, getting a nice close look at the paint job. Just then, the light turns green so the young guy decides to give the old scooter rider a show and he twists the throttle. Seconds later he’s just barely into second gear and already hitting triple-digit speeds when he looks in his mirror, expecting to see the scooter as a distant speck. Instead, he’s shocked to see something coming up from behind and gaining on him. Before he can even make out what it is, something goes whooshing past him. How could anything accelerate faster than his Ninja? And maybe it was a hallucination, but it looked like the guy on the scooter. But that’s impossible! He hasn’t even had time to make sense of this when he sees something coming straight at him at high speed. A split second before the impact, he sees it’s the old guy on his scooter. The collision is horrific, but the kid manages to get off the road. His Ninja’s fairing is shattered and the front end is mangled, but the scooter is a smoldering pile of scattered parts. He sees the old guy lying in a ditch and staggers over to see if he’s alive. The old guy is breathing, but he doesn’t look good. “Is there anything I can do to help you?” the kid asks the old man. “Yeah. Unhook my suspenders from your mirror.” ...and... A local cop decides to pad his ticket count with an easy catch so he parks outside a roadhouse where there are about 20 motorcycles in the parking lot. From his hidden spot, he watches as one biker staggers out of the bar, looks around and tries to find his bearings and then stumbles over to one of the bikes. He fumbles through all his pockets trying to find the key, and when he does, he drops it and spends a full minute on his hands and knees in the unlit dirt parking lot before he finds it. He almost falls over trying to get a leg over the bike, but he finally gets it started and wobbles onto the highway. Before he’s half a mile down the road, the cop has him pulled over. As the cop walks up to the biker, he hears 19 motorcycles fire up and head down the highway in the opposite direction. “Sir, have you been drinking?” the cop asks. “No sir,” the biker replies. “I’m in AA. Been sober for ten years.” The cop shines his flashlight in the biker’s eyes and they’re clear and alert. No slurring of words. No smell of alcohol at all. The cop realizes the biker is sober. “But I saw you stagger out of the bar,” said the cop. “What are you, some kind of joker?” “No sir,” said the biker. “I’m the decoy.”