A drunk is at a bar getting ready to leave, when he throws-up all over his shirt
drunk: Aw man, I jusht puked all over my good shhirt. My wife's gonna be pissed!
bartender: Calm down, pal, here's what you do: go home, give your wife $20 and tell her some idiot threw up on you and decided to pay to clean your shirt.
drunk: W-wow that's a great idea!
The drunk gets home and walks in the door
Wife: About time you stumbled in! Look at your shirt you sloppy drunk - I hope you're happy!
Drunk: Now w-wait a shecond, some guy puked all over my shhirt as I was leavin' the bar, and he gave me $20 to clean it - here! he give her the money
Wife: Wait a second, there's $40 here!
Drunk: Oh, he shit in my pants, too.