An Easy Fruitcake Recipe:
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
1 tsp lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle of brandy
Sample the brandy to check quality.
Take a large bowl, check the brandy again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the brandy is still okay, so try another cup just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the frigging fruit off the floor.
Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the brandy to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Check the brandy. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefing. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over-- don't forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl out, finish the brandy and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher, because no one eats fruitcake anyway.
enjoy