The so-callled "wind" is just a global conspiracy to get you to hide for an hour in your homes. Ducking and covering in paralyzing fear, as government agents from Chussia (the new red threat) tap into water facilities, and deposit a sarin derivative that rather than attempt to break your nervous system, only causes gastral cramps of the like you've never felt, nor ever dared imagine. Only by causing you to shit out most of your intestinal system linings, would they have enough time to break into your homes (while you lye on the bathroom floor, doubled over, helplessly spewing the unspeakable all over your wifes newly purchased bathroom decorations) and take the lint liners out of every midwestern dryer. Why lint liners ? I'll tell you why you fucking morons, cause in each slat of lint lay the bundled remains of every piece of clothing you own, or have ever owned ... and not just you ... every damn person in your house. By taking the wadded collection of garments out of your dryer, they now have unfettered access to your intermolded epidermal remains. But why would the seemingly peaceful peoples of the "The Users Republicalish Of Chussia" want to do with your DNA ? To make clones you fucking retards.
After Chussia has your DNA, they will continue their, till recent, secret takeover of Pfizer, AstraZeneca, and other health related conglomerates, ceasing the production of many needed, and prescribed meds and devices. Now the only cure to your ails is to buy your own cloned organs from an overseas red giant. Which will be produced on the cheap, and thoroughly inflated to near unaffordable levels. Thus making our "comrades" very wealthy indeed. What would a bunch of commies want with money you ask ? Wouldn't you like to know.