The problem is you're focusing on the small.things in life that don't really matter. When I was a kid I bad hopes and dreams. We all did. But over time, the daily grind gets in the way and you miss the things that really matter, even though they are right in front of you, staring you in the face. I think the next time you should ask yourself "Am I on the right track here?". I don't mean to be rude but people like you I really pity. So maybe you can use the few brain cells you have and take advantage of the knowledge I have now given you.
Good luck.