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Snormula 1

Guest 00Smurf

By Guest 00Smurf
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Guest 00Smurf

Guest 00Smurf

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"SNORMULA 1

 

There are many idiotic sports in this world. Bungee nose picking, for instance. Or 'Olympic speed walking', which might as well be renamed 'Olympic duck impersonating'. But in the imbecilic stakes, they all fall into the shadow of one thing:

 

Motor racing.

 

Formula 1, Grand Prix, whatever you want to call it, it's immensely pointless and immensely dull. Do I have reasons for this outburst, you ask? I do. Four reasons, actually.

 

1. It's just a load of cars,

2. It's on TV all the time,

3. It's repetitive,

4. It's repetitive.

 

Perhaps I should expand on some of these, particularly the first one. I know saying 'it's just a load of cars' is like denouncing boat racing because 'it's just a load of boats' or football because 'it's just a load of men and a ball' or bungee nose picking because 'it's just a load of men, elastic and nosebleeds'. Allow me to elaborate.

 

What I'm saying is that there isn't enough of the human element in motor racing. At least Olympic waddling has that. A fantastically muscled man in tight-fitting running gear mincing down the road may look like a complete prat, but you can still cheer him on for his magnificent audacity. With motor racing, you can't do that. You're just seeing a load of cars. If they were all painted the same colour, you wouldn't be able to tell who you're cheering on. Oh sure, they're fast machines, extremely impressive vehicles of their kind, but everyone watching thinks 'Huh, I could do that'. People who run Olympic footraces are supremely athletic types with arms and legs like industrial pistons. You can get excited about them when you see them racing against each other. With motor racing, you're just watching a load of skinny blokes sitting in what amount to very fast armchairs.

 

What's more, all these cars go at pretty much exactly the same speed, so you have twenty-odd machines going around and around a track patiently waiting for the one in front to make a cock up. Maybe it would be interesting if drivers made a cock up more often, slamming into walls with really impressive explosions and bits of twisted metal flying everywhere. But no, they train the gits too well. They should have every car being driven by a chimpanzee. I'd watch that. Fuck, I'd sponsor it.

 

I don't see why they should put it on television. You switch on, marvel at the fast cars for a second, then a little box appears in the corner of the screen saying "67 laps to go!" so you wince and switch back over to the women's gymnastics. No-one can find a queue of cars going round a track for 70 laps interesting. No-one you'd want to be trapped in a conversation with at a cocktail party, anyway.

 

Being a commentator for motor racing must be fun.

 

Lap 1:

 

"And they're off! Smith pulls into the lead with Llewellyn and Peters in second and third. They've gone round Dead Man's Corner and Llewellyn has made a bold attempt to cut in front which seems to have backfired-"

 

Lap 27:

 

"And they've gone round Dead Man's corner again. Llewellyn almost got into the lead there, I notice. I was at the shops with Llewellyn's mum the other day. We went to Waterstones. Have you ever been to Waterstone's, Brian?"

 

Lap 63:

 

"Yep, looks like they all got around Dead Man's Corner without crashing. Again." Long pause. "In fact, I don't think anyone's ever crashed at Dead Man's Corner." Long pause. "Sort of makes you wonder why they call it Dead Man's Corner, really."

 

Lap 154:

 

"And here's to you, Mrs Robinson / Jesus loves you more than you will know / Whoa whoa whoa - come on, Brian, join in! - whoa whoa whoa / God bless you please, Mrs Robinson -"

 

Lap 3,000,000:

 

"My name is legion for we are many."

 

If there is someone out there who finds motor racing interesting, do get in touch with me so you can explain exactly why it's preferable to applying paint to your TV screen and watching it dry."

 

http://www.fullyramblomatic.com/essays/racing.htm

 

copied from there

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Draco-REX Newbie

Draco-REX

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"SNORMULA 1

 

...

 

If there is someone out there who finds motor racing interesting, do get in touch with me so you can explain exactly why it's preferable to applying paint to your TV screen and watching it dry."

 

http://www.fullyramblomatic.com/essays/racing.htm

 

copied from there

 

"If it has to be explained to you, you wouldn't understand."

 

Though I agree when it comes to Nascar.. ...zzzZZZzzz...

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Boost-n-Juice Newbie

Boost-n-Juice

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"A fantastically muscled man in tight-fitting running gear mincing down the road may look like a complete prat, but you can still cheer him on for his magnificent audacity."

 

So the article was either written by some gay bastard or a chick. Either way it explains their lack of understanding.

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Draco-REX Newbie

Draco-REX

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Nascar is easy to follow because they only go one way. OOOOH they are making a left turn. OOOOH another left turn. WHEEEEEEE another left turn.

 

It's popular because between the time someone starts a pass to the outcome, you can take a swig from your beer can and not miss anything. :p

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coty061885 Newbie

coty061885

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Sounds like this was written by Jeremy Clarkson, but I think he's a Formula 1 fan. When it comes to Formula 1, I enjoy it for the technology. These days it's almost out of hand, but damn those cars are technical marvels. But I do prefer GT racing over any Formula racing because there are different cars and the competition is much closer.
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Devils Advocate Newbie

Devils Advocate

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If you have to ask you will never understand. Driver's in the pro series are as in shape as most sports athletes. And if it is so easy why aren't you doing it? Seems like a super EASY way to make some $$$ the way you are describing it.

 

 

He can't hear you. Try typing louder.

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Guest 00Smurf

Guest 00Smurf

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He can't hear you. Try typing louder.

 

this is not my opinnion, i just read it on the site thought it was funny so i reposted here. I agree formula one is rather dull when say compared to rally racing (by dull i mean, not as many crashes or flying off roads or cliffs as rally). but id like to see all the rally cars race together instead of timed stages and such.

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V8 Beast Newbie

V8 Beast

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If you have to ask you will never understand. Driver's in the pro series are as in shape as most sports athletes. And if it is so easy why aren't you doing it? Seems like a super EASY way to make some $$$ the way you are describing it.

 

So they get rock hard abs from fighting the g forces on turns. Buff foreams from controlling the steering wheel. Huge biceps and triceps from working the manual shifter... and gorgeous legs from the brake and the gas pedal.... Or do you mean they work out in their spare time :p

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Science Abuse Newbie

Science Abuse

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So they get rock hard abs from fighting the g forces on turns. Buff foreams from controlling the steering wheel. Huge biceps and triceps from working the manual shifter... and gorgeous legs from the brake and the gas pedal.... Or do you mean they work out in their spare time :p

No "sports athlete" gets buff on the feild, playing the game. Period. They run and lift....and fuck supermodels. "Oh bu XXX sport is really hard". Try doing nothing but play, see how ripped you get. Everyone who's in shape gets that way off the feild.

 

That being said, my pec's have never been as sore as the were after my first lapping day.

 

Re: F1. It's real racing competition, which is boring for anyone not doing it. NASCAR is popular because rules are in place to take the sport out of it. They bunch the cars up so that they'll wreck and pass allot. Max Mosely wants to bring that to F1, and I'd like to gut him for it. Bring back Can Am, let the engineers enginner, and let the drivers drive.

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Draco-REX Newbie

Draco-REX

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This is why I watch WRC. Subaru goes up in the air, lands on a cliff, flies through a forest, then takes a hairpin on a country road. Never bores me.

 

QFT. Pro Rally drivers are the best in the world. You know why rally cars have 4 doors but no rear seats? That's where the driver and navigator put their BALLS. 100+mph down dirt roads just wide enough for the car is ballsy enough. But then realize that the driver probably hasn't ever SEEN the track before and is depending on shorthand notes the passenger is reading to him!

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Draco-REX Newbie

Draco-REX

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Get a Dale Jr. hat and a mullet whig. You'd be amazed what happens, your DNA is genetically altered. :eek:

 

For some reason I just got a crazy idea for a beer commercial..

 

You see a guy in a full race suit in a bar drinking a beer. A regular guy walks up to him.

 

Regular Guy: Aren't you the navigator for that Rally team that's trying NASCAR?

Navigator: Yup.

RG: Aren't you supposed to be racing right now?

Nav: Oh, I've got it covered.

 

Cut to a picture of the interior of the car. You hear the Navigator's voice saying "Left Easy, 160. Left Easy, 160. Left Easy, 160." The camera pans down to the navigator's seat and and you see an old record player that's skipping.

:D

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Scotty2Hotty Rookie

Scotty2Hotty

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For some reason I just got a crazy idea for a beer commercial..

 

You see a guy in a full race suit in a bar drinking a beer. A regular guy walks up to him.

 

Regular Guy: Aren't you the navigator for that Rally team that's trying NASCAR?

Navigator: Yup.

RG: Aren't you supposed to be racing right now?

Nav: Oh, I've got it covered.

 

Cut to a picture of the interior of the car. You hear the Navigator's voice saying "Left Easy, 160. Left Easy, 160. Left Easy, 160." The camera pans down to the navigator's seat and and you see an old record player that's skipping.

:D

:lol: That would be funny.

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