Job/Girlfriend Question

[r6allstar]

OK, so I started the thread a few days ago about my job and getting a raise. I have since had a few issues arise about the whole situation. So upon getting my contract extension I also recieved a substantial raise. My issue is that I have not told my girlfriend that I recieved this raise. My reasoning behind it is that I do not want her to think we can get too comfortable a live above our means. I have a feeling she would try to push us towards buying a house and marriage and I dont want to rush it just b/c we are little more financially secure, if there is such a thing in this economy.

Anyway, is it wrong of me to not tell my girlfriend of 5 years that I am making more money, mostly b/c I am afraid she will hold it against me?

[yotaman88210]

I wouldnt say its wrong... If she asks eventually, then you shouldnt lie. You could also always say youre making a little more money and not say exactly how much?

[cmoosego]

wow, interesting situation... I think you should really look at the relationship if you are questioning whether or not to tell her about something that really should effect you both... I'm assuming you live together... if not then maybe you shouldn't until you are ready to make the step towards commitment. or you could just lay it down logically to her, and say yes I am making more money, but thats no guarantee that I will for a long period of time... so ask her not to rush you and explain why... if she can accept the reasons it should be all good... if not, well, I guess it wasn't a very strong relationship to start with....

[Gump]

Money....It's no ones business but yours....Even if you were married..

IF they took money out of marriage their would be fewer marriages and divorces and ruined families..treat her or him as a business partner when it comes to real property..take care of each other but what's yours is yours and hers is hers, what you choose to share is all good. the marriage laws are full of bologna. Sure i want a divorce since i get half your stuff i didn't work for...sorry been there..not gonna happen again. money has nothing to do with love.

Ya i'd tell her but not because i felt i had to because i wanted to.

[r6allstar]

moose... I see what your saying.. I am not saying we have a bad relationship or anything of the sort. What I AM saying is that one of the things we have had arguements about in the past is how much money I make and what I do with it. I am saying that we shouldnt go jumping into something (house/marriage) just b/c of our CURRENT situation. That does not mean that we are not happy together or "should really look at the relationship". Maybe I am out of line, I dunno. That is why I asked I guess.

[Cdubyah]

I guess it depends on what the relationship means to you. If you are not ready for the next step then say that. It will eventually come back to bite you in the ass if you don't mention it.

[cmoosego]

I guess it depends on what the relationship means to you. If you are not ready for the next step then say that. It will eventually come back to bite you in the ass if you don't mention it.

and there ya go.... it's all about what will bite you in the ass eventually.... get the argument out of the way now, then you can move past it...

[Disclaimer]

Money....It's no ones business but yours....Even if you were married...

Quoted for truth. Though I am a little worried this was so important to you that you started a thread on it - that says a little something about your relationship (like moose pointed out)

It's YOUR money, and no one but you should say how you spend it. If you want to spend more of it on her, fine. If you don't and want to save it or put more money towards the mortgage, or car payment, or bike payment, or 401k, or... that's YOUR prerogative. Unless you're admittedly stupid (mixed up priorities) with how you spend money and she's trying to get you to be more frugal? Bills, savings, then toys - but that doesn't sound like the case from your post.

I never understood why some ladies think that just because you're the 'man' you have to provide for them. My girlfriend and I split everything pretty much 50/50 (It's more like 55/45, but close enough). She knows what I make and I know what she makes (even though she's told me "I don't care" when we talk about it). She understands that I busted my ass to get where I'm at, so after the mortgage and bills are paid all my extra money 'fun money' is mine to spend.

[sonavabeech]

I don't know how much my husband makes and he's probabbly not so sure about how much I make. Those figures only seem to come up when it comes to tax filing time. What we do know is that we each direct deposit from our paychecks the same amount each to cover the cost of our mortgage and shared expenses into a joint account. This account solely for those expenses and autopay is set up. The extra money builds up to cover any unexpected shared expenses like home repairs/improvements. Each's own extra money is each's own. That's how we handled money before we were married and how it is handled now.

In your situation, it doesn't matter if you tell her or not. If you do and you find she wants to make some changes, you say that you don't want to right now. If she gets mad about that, she'll have to get over it because there's no reason to be mad. If her feelings are hurt from that, you'll have to reassure her that it's not because you don't want to at all, just that now is not the time if that is the case and she'll have to get over it.

If you don't and she finds out and gets mad, she'll have to get over it because there's no reason to be mad anyway.

Edited December 22, 2008 by sonavabeech

[KruelHouse]

I was once told that the only people (other than you) who need to know how much money you're making is your bank, and the gov't. And you'd better believe that the gov't ALREADY knows, so you're halfway there.

On a serious note, ONLY you will know when/if the time is right to disclose that information. Most importantly, don't allow a little extra cash become the catalyst for making major life decisions. You've got the right idea by wanting to take things slowly...

Good luck and CONGRATULATIONS!!!

[Pedro]

I wouldn't tell her, she doesn't need to know what amount you make or when you receive a raise. I never told my significant other's what I made or when I received a raise. I say as long as the bills are paid that's all that should matter.

[SchmuckGirl]

So.... how much do you make now?? just kidding

Sonovabeech pretty much summed it up for me. If I ever did get married, this is how I would expect things to be handled for us.

[wolfman]

I would tell her because I would feel like I'm keeping a secret from her. It would be different if you hadn't posted on the board that you got a raise (if you kept it to yourself) but I think after you tell your friends something like this you need to tell your woman, too......otherwise it will bite you in the ass.

[r6allstar]

haha Schmuk, it isnt that significant.. that and I just know how she is about bills and stuff.. doesnt like 50/50 split when I am making twice what she makes. AND we arent married, but have been together for a long time.

I would tell her because I would feel like I'm keeping a secret from her. It would be different if you hadn't posted on the board that you got a raise (if you kept it to yourself) but I think after you tell your friends something like this you need to tell your woman, too......otherwise it will bite you in the ass.

I understand what you are saying, I think I am going to tell her. I dont like feeling like I am keeping secrets I just was not sure if it was a big deal or not to disclose that kind of stuff

Edited December 22, 2008 by r6allstar

[EagleCock]

sounds like you're already married

[r6allstar]

^ i agree

[wolfman]

^haha it isnt that significant.. that and I just know how she is about bills and stuff.. doesnt like 50/50 split when I am making twice what she makes. AND we arent married, but have been together for a long time.

Okay, I didn't realize she was going to make you pay more! Tell her you only make as much as she does after you spend it on your toys....so it should still be a 50/50 split.

[SchmuckGirl]

I would tell her because I would feel like I'm keeping a secret from her. It would be different if you hadn't posted on the board that you got a raise (if you kept it to yourself) but I think after you tell your friends something like this you need to tell your woman, too......otherwise it will bite you in the ass.

good point

[wolfman]

I understand what you are saying, I think I am going to tell her. I dont like feeling like I am keeping secrets I just was not sure if it was a big deal or not to disclose that kind of stuff

Honestly, I would have never even thought about not telling a significant other how much I make or that I got a raise...so this whole thread caught me off-guard. Now, I'm going to have to reevaluate my whole life. Maybe I tell people to much stuff. And scare them away...

sounds like you're already married

+1

[OldBlue]

50/50 split sounds like a divorce. you should both willing to put in 100% to enjoy life together. if one person is selfish about wanting to spend more money on themselves, that will come back to bite you in the ass.

[Disclaimer]

...doesnt like 50/50 split when I am making twice what she makes. AND we arent married, but have been together for a long time.

That's my point. If she wants to make the money you make, maybe she should pick a career that makes that kind of money - why does she get a free ride on your coattails?

My girlfriend and I are just over 8 years and we still split close to 50/50 regardless of each of our incomes.

And what do you mean exactly by "AND we aren't married"? Like, are you trying to say that if she was your wife you'd split things 50/50, but since she's only your long-term g/f you have to split things proportionally? i'm confused

Edited December 22, 2008 by JRMMiii

[flounder]

I agree... Money is no ones business but your own unless your are engaged, married, have kids.. If you are supporting more then just yourself, it may be something to discuss but since you are not married, or engaged, there is not need to mention it as it will cause her to have a different opinion about what you should spend your money on and where the two of you are going. No need to let money influence your relationship in any way whatsoever.

[exSRAaron]

Honestly, I would have never even thought about not telling a significant other how much I make or that I got a raise...so this whole thread caught me off-guard. Now, I'm going to have to reevaluate my whole life. Maybe I tell people to much stuff. And scare them away...

+1

+1

I'd tell her you got a raise, but not the amount. Honestly I think she'll be very proud of you either way, celebrate it, just dont go and buy me a brand new 600RR or anything cough...

[wolfman]

just dont go and buy me a brand new 600RR or anything cough...

Sounds like a good way for Tony to become single again.. :grin:

[Gump]

get a bike, get a bike, get a bike then tell her you were able to afford it because of the raise you got working so hard ....