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only 7 kinds of sex!


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The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. * This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are Blue in the face.

 

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. * This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

 

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. * This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

 

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex. * This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say ' F**k you.'

 

The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex. * Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)

 

The 6th kind of sex is called: Courtroom Sex. *this is when you cannot stand your spouse any more. He/she takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

 

And last, but not least, the 7th kind of sex is called PensionSex. * you get a little each month, but not enough to live on.

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Ten reasons a handgun is better than a woman.

 

 

#10 - You can trade an old .44 for two new .22s.

 

#9 - You can keep one handgun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

 

#8 - If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

 

#7 - Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a backup.

 

#6 - Your handgun will stay with you even if you're out of ammo.

 

#5 - A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

 

#4 - Handguns function normally every day of the month.

 

#3 - A handgun doesn't ask "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

 

#2 - A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

 

AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY THAT A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN . . .

You can buy a silencer for a handgun.

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Eight Words with two Meanings

 

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.

Female...... Any part under a car's hood.

Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

 

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.

Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.

Male.... Playing football without a cup.

 

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n .

Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.

Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the

boys.

 

4. COMMITMENT (ko- mit-ment) n.

Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.!

Male......Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

 

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.

Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.

Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

 

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u- lens) n .

Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.

Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

 

7 MAKING LOVE (may-ki! ng luv) n.

Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.

Male.... Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

 

8.REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.

Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.

Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

 

AND

He said ...

I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it. She

said . . You wear pants don't you?

 

He said . . .... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?

She said... That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I

sit on the sofa and fart!

 

He said ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave

you?

She said .....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

 

He said . . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet

paper?

She said. We don't know; it has never happened.

 

He said . . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring

and Good-looking? She said ..... . . They already have boyfriends.

 

He said .. Why are married women heavier than single women?

She said . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to

bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go

to the fridge.

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John McCain and Barack Obama somehow ended up at

the same barbershop. As they sat there, each being worked on

by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers

were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would

turn to politics.

 

As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who

had Obama in his chair reached for the after shave. Obama was quick to stop him saying, "No thanks, my wife

Michelle will smell that and think I've been in a

whorehouse."

 

The second barber turned to McCain and said,

"How about you?" McCain replied, "Go ahead,

my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse

smells like."

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LOL ..I like this one

 

 

 

This was written by a guy ... it's pretty damn smart.

> >

> > Girls -- Please have a sense of humor!

> >

> > I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

> >

> > FOR EXAMPLE:

> >

> > One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

> >

> > I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

> >

> > So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

> >

> > 'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

> >

> > She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

> >

> > Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

> >

> > The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

> >

> > We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she w as testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

> >

> > I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.'

> >

> > I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

> >

> > Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

> >

> > I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

> >

> > And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

> >

> > Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least she knows I'm smarter than her.

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Grey is neutral and it seems to be some glitch or something.....I've gotten a few and someone I gave + rep to asked why I gave grey the same as below.....not sure why it happens.

 

I swear I clicked Pos Rep. my bad :(

I wasn't being sarcastic either, sex jokes always give me lulz.

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