TimTaylor751647545500 Posted June 12, 2009 Report Share Posted June 12, 2009 Much lulz (216): My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand. (972): Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition. http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotty2Hotty Posted June 12, 2009 Report Share Posted June 12, 2009 (319): yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face. (480): I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral. http://smiliesftw.com/x/lol_1.gif Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verse Posted June 12, 2009 Report Share Posted June 12, 2009 Old but helps me when I'm bored at work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
944s2 Posted June 12, 2009 Report Share Posted June 12, 2009 (516): I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest tbutera2112 Posted June 12, 2009 Report Share Posted June 12, 2009 (210): I just want to hang out with her. (916): You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
87GT Posted June 12, 2009 Report Share Posted June 12, 2009 (512): its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ImUrOBGYN Posted June 12, 2009 Report Share Posted June 12, 2009 These all originate from the 740 area code (Delaware area, where I live.) Most of them aren't that funny, it just makes a bit more interesting knowing these came from around my place. (740): i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina ---- (740): Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell. ---- (740): Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night (631): U should. Its a good ice breaker ---- (616): i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold. ---- (740): Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics ---- (917): I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch (740): enter at your own risk ---- (740): We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville ---- (216): ok i said sorry. what else do you want? (740): 100 blowjobs ---- (740): Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotty2Hotty Posted June 13, 2009 Report Share Posted June 13, 2009 (917): I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch (740): enter at your own risk ---- I heard that from my then GF before. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave1647545494 Posted June 13, 2009 Report Share Posted June 13, 2009 (407): Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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