Hypothetical question

[jerrodh]

No much of a question really. They pre-warned the kid that if he was caught drinking in the house he would be grounded...

[TTQ B4U]

A friend of mine is hypothetically going through a situation and I thought I would post it on CR to see what everyone else woulo do.

 

let's say you are a parent of a 14 year old. You have let them ocassionally taste a wine cooler with you. One night, you walk in on them raiding your liquor cabinet with a friend... Do you punish them or just have a talk with them because you feel you might have let them feel it is ok by letting them have a taste of a drink before? Keep in mind, the father had a discussion less than a week ahead of time telling the 14 year old child that if they ever caught them drinking with a friend in the house they will be grounded...

 

The mother is now hypothetically leaving the father because she won't ground the kid...

 

So who's right? The mother or the father

 

My opinion, all three are wrong.

 

In terms of a leaving the father over grounding the kid....there's most definitely more to the situation than one instance. Each family is different but I'm a little closer on divorce situations than most given that's what my wife does for a living.

 

Has the couple sought counseling? Disciplinary differences is a pretty basic thing to work through. The harder point will be working through "showing" the child how to behave through actions. Again, seek counseling. Nothing at all to be ashamed of in doing so.

 

Like many, I too was allowed to take sips of a beer and at age 17 even had a couple with my father now and then as he worked in the yard or at dinner. He was VERY Clear on his expectations of me and I knew very CLEARLY that it was NOT okay to have alcohol at ANY OTHER TIME except when he offered it in these rare situations. I considered it a rare and memorable bonding moment of trust between father and son. I never let him down on that matter while in high school and living at home. Key is did the father and son set and agree on expectations? Crystal clear expectations and understandings as to why the rules are as they are.

 

The child was clearly wrong, no need to get into the details there. I won't believe they were not even remotely clear that it was wrong to sneak into the liquier cabinet.

 

Mother, wrong for flying off the handle and not seeking counseling. Same for dad as that shoe fits both. Again, don't know the whole situation but no doubt there's more to it than a single situation or single matter behind such a decision.

[TimTaylor751647545500]

No much of a question really. They pre-warned the kid that if he was caught drinking in the house he would be grounded...

 

Exactly!

[greg1647545532]

No much of a question really. They pre-warned the kid that if he was caught drinking in the house he would be grounded...

 

+1.

 

The wine cooler thing is a red herring. Doesn't mean dick in this situation.

 

The kid's crime is ground-worthy, but that's not even that important.

 

The two most important things in this situation are 1) that the dad carry-through with his threats, and 2) that both parents are on the same page in terms of punishments. Even if they initially disagree, kids need consistency. If mom says "you're grounded," dad's job is to be right there in lockstep. If he disagrees, they need to hash it out in the bedroom after the kid is successfully grounded.

[Sturg1647545502]

ps When its all over and done with dont forget to tell the kid what kind of "men" are associated with wine coolers

[Orion]

Now is this applicable to American Culture only or worldwide? Many other cultures (specifically european) allow people to drink at 16, 18, etc. So when you say "minor", are you referring to minor as determined by the governing authorities? As stated above, minor here is not minor in Ireland. Should the Irish not be allowed to drink at 18?

 

Instead of being black and white, wouldn't it be up to the parents to determine the responsibility level of each child individually? My brother's were not granted a lot of the same priviledges as me when we were younger because they weren't as "responsible" as me. This icluded but not limited to the consumption of a beer once in a while with dinner ot what not.

 

So take my case for example, as I would have fallen under the "I as a minor consuming alcohol was never a good thing." Why was it good or bad?

 

Thoughts?

 

It is my opinion that drinking alcohol AT ALL is fairly stupid, regardless of age.

 

It is also my opinion that the Irish, of all the cultures you could have mentioned, are perhaps the best representation of why my previously held opinion is not just so much window dressing. I.E, the Irish should NEVER be allowed to drink. :lolguy:

 

My reference to the term "minor" IS in deference to whatever local authorities haev set that age at. In each land, one is beholden to the laws of said land, and therefore the punishments for breaking those laws. I am of the opinion that breaking the law, in any country, is best avoided.

 

I beleive that it is legal, at least in Columbus, for a minor to consume in their home, under the supervision of their parents. While some kids mature faster than others, and may be more responsible at younger ages than there fellows, we are not talking about a 19 year old high school graduate. We are talking about an 8th grader/freshman in HS.

 

Also, notice that I did not recommend punishing the kid for consumption, only for lying and using an accomplice. Whoever thought that letting a 14 year old having a couple pops was a good idea is the one that should be dealt with harshly.

[RC K9]

Not just Columbus, it is statewide. According to the OH revised code, minors are allowed to consume alcohol with parental consent. At least as of 8-9 years ago. I did my research back then ha ha. Edited August 29, 2011 by RC K9

[smokin5s]

Not just OH, it is statewide. According to the OH revised code, minors are allowed to consume alcohol with parental consent. At least as of 8-9 years ago. I did my research back then ha ha.

this is a correct

[mjrsplat]

Not just OH, it is statewide.

 

New sig material? :gabe:

[RC K9]

New sig material? :gabe:

 

done and done.

[mjrsplat]

done and done.

 

:lolguy:

[HotCarl]

This isn't a funny situation, but you seem to know alot about this "hypothetical" family situation...

 

I remember sneaking a beer every so often when I was 14. However, it was just me, and I didn't get anyone else involved. The kid is asking to be punished by getting a friend in the mix...having a beer by the basement fridge is one thing; getting a friend involved and stealing drinks from his parents' stash is totally another. Not the parents fault so much as lack of judgement by the kid. Punishment is a given. I'd also tell the friends' parents too, so that stuff won't happen again.

 

I don't see why a blended family situation should matter...disobedience is disobedience.

 

Oh, agreed on the divorce thing...there are issues far beyond this one that led to the breakup.

 

I think its an issue b/c it turns from "how are we going to punish our kid" to "why do you want to punish MY kid so harshly?"

 

If there's alot of tension/drama/stress in the marriage as is and this is the tipping point, then thats terrible. If this becomes the reason the wife leaves the husband then that kid will blame himself for breaking up that marriage for the rest of his life. Garantee, ive seen it happen before.

 

Personally, the kid did something wrong and he KNEW it was wrong before he did it, he needs to be punished. But if there are underlying issues in the marriage then they need to either work that shit out seperatly or come to the realization its not working out but it needs to be a seperate decision from what the kid did wrong.