Going into depression

[Buck531]

So yeah if you remember my Dad had fallen last March and had a stroke. Bleeding in the brain, etc. He's had parkinsons for the past 7-8 years now. He hasn't really moved much since March (well, hasn't walked). Body function is almost gone. You look at him and it's a blank stare. Right now he's in a nursing facility in Westerville for the past 5-6 months. His body weight dropped from 240 to 170 and all of that is muscle loss.

 

The end is nearing my mom said in the past two weeks he's been sleeping a LOT and is very tired. She said that's one of the signs to tell when the end is nearing for people with parkinsons.

 

Today hospice was asking my mom when he goes where will he be buried and which funeral home and stuff. Suck.

 

76 years old. Not sure how long he will last. My brother hasn't seen him in a few years and is coming in from NY tomorrow or Saturday. I'm afraid after my Dad seems him that will be the last thing he wants and will just go to sleep and not wake up.

 

I can't say that we haven't seen this coming. We thought back in March he would be gone. But he's still going.

 

On the flip side, my grandmother (moms mom) is 91 years old and her brain is perfect. Still is awesome and has a sense of humor but her body is shutting down. Just getting up there in age. This will be the double whammy if both of them go in the next few months.

 

I'm not saying I'm going into depression as I've known this is a long time coming but you are never prepared for when it WILL happen.

 

You don't need to say a prayer or anything. I don't pray and I don't expect you to. I haven't had to deal with a death in my immediate family (well my father in-law 4 years ago) since I was 14 and my brother died and I was too young then to realize what was going on.

 

I just wanted to ramble on. Raise your glass and have one on me.

[TTQ B4U]

Consider my next raising of the glass in honor of your father and those of all of us. We're dealing with the same type of situation with my father. Interesting that you mention the sleeping all the time thing. My father is wakes up for may 2-3hrs throughout the day, eats and sleeps and that's about it. He has congestive heart failure and his breathing during sleep is very labored even with oxygen. Atrophy is taking it's toll too.

 

It does suck and like your father, I know mine wants to just simply sleep his way into a peaceful death.

 

Some here slam suicide but I watched my brother battle cancer for 12 yrs and contemplate it multiple times. In the end I still believe he caused himself to bleed out by drinking while on blood thinners. He knew better but like I just mentioned, he wanted it to end and I can't believe his body survived all it went through.

 

Hang in there, take care of mom.

Edited January 4, 2013 by TTQ B4U

[Benner]

Sucks to hear and your families in my prayers. Honestly you'd be surprised how long those with Parkinson's can last. My Gma has been diagnosed for around 15 years and although she's constantly sleeping and falling she's still going strong

[Aaron]

I'll have a coke for your dad.

 

My family is going through some tought stuff to, so I feel for you.

[El Karacho1647545492]

Your father has accomplished, at the very least, the most important thing in his life; raising a loving family. If the only thing he needs is to see your brother one last time and then he can move on, then try to remember as you grieve that is really all you can hope for in your life; to have your family by your side as you depart. Being sad and being depressed are very different and I hope that you're able to get past whatever sadness may come.

[2pointslow]

My grandfather fought Parkinson for 15 years, 5 of which was a rough road. He passed away at the young age of 69. He had a terrible fall as well which landed him in the hospital and finally to the nursing home. He passed away about 6 months after his fall.

 

Be with him through these next weeks, spend as much time as you can with him. Even if he is sleeping, say your peace to him and anything you may want to talk about. If he is in a state like my grandfather was he most likely cant talk very well. However he can listen, share your favorite stories of times you two spent together. It may not seem like much but it will help and most likely mean the world to him.

[Buck531]

My grandfather fought Parkinson for 15 years, 5 of which was a rough road. He passed away at the young age of 69. He had a terrible fall as well which landed him in the hospital and finally to the nursing home. He passed away about 6 months after his fall.

 

Be with him through these next weeks, spend as much time as you can with him. Even if he is sleeping, say your peace to him and anything you may want to talk about. If he is in a state like my grandfather was he most likely cant talk very well. However he can listen, share your favorite stories of times you two spent together. It may not seem like much but it will help and most likely mean the world to him.

 

Pretty much how my Dad is now. Fell, had a stroke and now just lying there motionless.

 

On the depression thought of things.. I won't go into depression, it just sometimes feels like it. Our family has been preparing since March that this day would come. We all knew it. We believe it's just around the corner.

[Orion]

The only advice I will give is this; if there is anything you need to say, anything greivance that needs aired and forgiven, anything you want hom to KNOW...do it. Do not be prideful or arrogant or hard hearted. Get the slate clean, brother. I know from personal experience that it will be better for ALL of you.

 

I will be thinking of you, my man.

[OgReNaToR]

Buck I wish the best for you and your family and Aaron I completely forgot to ask you last night how everyone is doing...my bad!

[Buck531]

As of now my dad is on a morphine drip. Things went south after Friday. He's not expected to make it 1-2 more days. Sucks knowing one of your parents are going to die in the next day or two.

[Otis Nice]

You don't need to say a prayer or anything. I don't pray and I don't expect you to. I haven't had to deal with a death in my immediate family (well my father in-law 4 years ago) since I was 14 and my brother died and I was too young then to realize what was going on.

 

I just wanted to ramble on. Raise your glass and have one on me.

 

I don't really drink anymore so you raise your glass and I'll toss up a prayer.

[MattKatz]

I dont know you, But I feel for your situation.....Stay strong, as iit sounds like the time has come and will actually be a relief to many of you instead of watching what seems to be suffering all around.

[SpaceGhost]

My grandmother died of Parkinson's, and she laid in a bed not recognizing, speaking, or moving for 2-3 years. It was horrible. Just curled up in a ball locked in her body. I don't wish that on anyone. It drove my Uncle (her son)to use her liquid OXY and overdose and kill himself. He was with her everyday. I decided if I am ever diagnosed, to do a few last things, say bye, and end it some how. I will not go out like that. I will not put my family through that. I feel for ya Buck, shit was hard. Second hardest thing next to being the only person in the family willing to hold my Grandfather's hand as they took him off the ventilator and stayed until he was gone. He was in a car accident. He had 5 kids, I don't talk to my Aunts and Uncle to this day for it. I was 24.

 

I get made fun of for getting pissed at the Michael J Fox pics, but if someone you love goes through that shit and suffers, you will never find humor in it.

[Geeesammy]

Knowing you are going to lose a parent is the worst feeling I've ever experienced personally. I don't know you, but my thoughts are with you in this hard time. The best advice I can offer from my own experience is do what your gut tells you to do. I know it sounds cliche, but when I was in this situation, I was given that advice, and to this day im very grateful for it.

[Buck531]

 

I get made fun of for getting pissed at the Michael J Fox pics, but if someone you love goes through that shit and suffers, you will never find humor in it.

 

Same here.

 

Thanks for the words. The more I think about it right now the more it sucks.

 

I just went thought the LOL thread and found a few that made me laugh.

 

Just trying to deal with it now and wait for it.

 

My brother just left today to go back to NY. He came Saturday and left today. I had a feeling after he left my dad would go very shortly after that.

[copperhead]

The only advice I will give is this; if there is anything you need to say, anything greivance that needs aired and forgiven, anything you want hom to KNOW...do it. Do not be prideful or arrogant or hard hearted. Get the slate clean, brother. I know from personal experience that it will be better for ALL of you.

 

I will be thinking of you, my man.

 

Damn good advice here.

 

My girlfriend's father passed away a week ago last friday. She's 23, so needless to say its been a tough week. I hadn't seen him for two years (Christmas), and I believe she had only seen him once since then. He caused a lot of fights and tension, which we think his girlfriend was mostly instigating. The way he went out was a large mix of issues that smashed him all at once. He was a heavy drug user when he was younger, and had (hereditary) Diverticulitis that had nearly killed him about a decade ago. Well, he thought he had the flu and was ignoring it, finally he went to the hospital to find out he had pneumonia, which was followed by I believe two heart attacks. Come to find out he had heart disease as well so they would have had to do serious surgery to get him fixed up had he been otherwise healthy. Needless to say, he couldn't be revived. He was only 54.

 

Anyway, my point is when he died he went out having left horrible relationships with all three of his children and his grandchildren being young enough that they won't remember what little they saw of him. My girlfriend had always hoped she would some day be able to salvage their relationship and tries to hang on to her happy memories of him from when she was a child because those are the only happy memories she has of him. Don't leave feelings in the shadows, especially now. Make peace so that when he is gone it will be easy to forget the bad times and only remember the good.

[Richard Cranium]

Buck, I feel for you man. I lost both my parents to Parkinsons as well as 2 uncles. I have another uncle with it and possibly now a cousin who is only a few years older than myself. He is having neurological tests to diagnose it now.

 

Don't be too hard on yourself about depression. It's natural in a situation like this. When my mother passed it had been a LONG battle and had been years since she was functional as a human. We had said our goodbyes long ago, but it was still very tough. My sister and I had our father to lean on, but he was fighting parkinsons himself at that point.

 

When dad passed away a few years back it was a surprise. He ended up catching a cold and it got to his lungs and pneumonia was the final cause of death. I held things together for at least a week to get through the funeral and family stuff, but I did slip into some depression afterward. The grieving process is natural, let it happen, people will understand.