Benner Posted December 17, 2014 Report Share Posted December 17, 2014 Somewhat long read but worth the time. I haven't laugh this hard in a while Quoted from Reddit this is a long ass story, but i promise the pay off is there - first college party commence after-party truth/dare with about 8 people. 3 AM rolls around, were down to 6 people but things start getting a little raunchy a kiss here, a flash there, take off an article of clothing, all in good fun. 3:30 rolls around, damn I still remember the time. this really cute girl who I was crushing on since high school asked me and I answered truth because by this time I was down to my boxers and I didn't feel like sitting with my dick out. anyway she asks me some stupid question, i forget what it was exactly, along the lines of what's the craziest place you fucked. *I was a virgin at the time* so my answer, naturally, was a lie. however, it was a boring one. I said the living room at my parents house. everyone started booing me, saying that answer was not worth a turn and told the girl to go again. i got really embarrassed because it was not only a giant lie, but a giant lie that was apparently too prude. for some reason (let's call it alcohol and weed) I agreed to go again. inside i was having a panic attack and wanted to cry - yes men have feelings too - so to avoid a repeat of a sexual question I went with dare. fuck it, i thought, i'm decently hung so I'd rather have my dick out than people find out that I never put my dick *in*. I was 18, in my defense losing your virginity was everything back then. so she dares me to go down on her. **this is literally every dude's wet dream, the girl you want more than anything but thought you couldn't have just asks you to eat that pussy.** so i obliged, whole-fucking-heartedly. *it's all downhill from here folks.* 1. As soon as it sunk in what she asked, I got a massive fucking boner. I was wearing those peek-a-boo boxers, so guess who showed his face without me noticing? 2. And guess who's face began drooling? So, yeah, pre-cum is a real thing is something I learned that night. So here I am sitting across from the hottest girl ever who just asked me to eat her out, with my dick oozing, throbbing, and leaking all over my boxers, surrounded by three other girls and another guy as well as some random party stragglers just watching the game unfold. **IT GETS PRETTY BAD.** I notice what's going on but I don't think much of it because she already has her panties off, so all she does is hike up her skirt and goes spread eagle. holy. shit. i'd never done this before. the MOST i've done with a girl was kiss at that point. i should preface this all by saying that I get gassy when I am nervous. some of you may know where this is going **but i guarantee you fucking don't** so now she's spread eagle on the floor and i need to make a move, so i do what any girl-loving guy would do in the most awkward way possible. I shifted on to all fours and crawled towards her like a fucking tiger or something. i put my face deep in the snatch but my hands aren't touching her or anything. instead, i'm still on all fours, like i'm a puppy sniffing her pussy. after a few seconds the position gets horribly uncomfortable and i shift my weight in such a way that my ass is now sticking up, and my knees underneath my body. *what happens next is the single worst 30 seconds of my life, followed by years of shame.* she begins moaning and tells me to take off my boxers. i quickly oblige, but i can only get them half off in this position without stopping what im doing. so basically i am now mooning 3 chicks and a dude that are sitting behind me, my hairy asshole perfectly on display, about two feet from their faces the chick im eating out starts moaning more and saying she's about to cum. anxiety gets the better of me - i get super nervous. did i mention i get gassy when im nervous? did i mention that alcohol also gives me horrible indigestion? the more things heat up, the more i am now focusing on what is to be the biggest fart of my life. she begins to cum, i can feel it from her vag and other muscles tensing up. i get so excited, but simultaneously relieved that i can stop and excuse myself to go to the bathroom and let out a fart. except i got relieved too soon. the fart was explosive but the real problem was that i hadn't taken a shit that day. the real problem was that while this girl was having an orgasm, i was taking a projectile shit on four people behind me the smell. oh god the smell. i didn't want to turn around, but i had to before the girl was even done with her orgasm. they were fucking COATED. one of the girls got it worse than everyone else. her face looked like it was dipped in a bucket of nutella. chunky, watery nutella. the dude got it bad too, and they all got it in their hair, their mouth, oh god so now this shitting all happened in just several seconds, so when the girl finally opens her eyes all she sees is my gaping asshole with bits of poop leaking out of it (i turned around to look at the damage), me on all fours, and the other people soaked in feces, starting to scream she screamed i screamed the dude began hitting me, covering me in my own shit that was falling off his face and neck, xcept several seconds after he started hitting me he began vomiting. his hands slip on the vomit and he collapses on top of me. so if you will, two naked dudes on top of each other, coated in cum, vomit and explosive diarrhea, surrounded by hot chicks most of whom are also covered in poop tl;dr: just read it. this story has haunted me for the last 5 years epilogue: i actually dated the girl for two years, and the chick who got coated in my shit the worst is now my best friend. the dude i actually never saw again, he left that night. i saw the other two girls from time to time but we never made eye contact. for some reason, people started calling me "Ass Candy" at parties after that. the nickname stuck around until I moved cities a year ago Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeffro Posted December 18, 2014 Report Share Posted December 18, 2014 3/10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson1647545504 Posted December 18, 2014 Report Share Posted December 18, 2014 Standard CR 1st sexual experience Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geeesammy Posted December 18, 2014 Report Share Posted December 18, 2014 Standard CR 1st sexual experience Truth be told Jones was actually the OP for this story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gillbot Posted December 18, 2014 Report Share Posted December 18, 2014 Truth be told Jones was actually the OP for this story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sully Posted December 18, 2014 Report Share Posted December 18, 2014 I feel like the story was more Brian-esque, but he would have told it better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rustlestiltskin Posted December 18, 2014 Report Share Posted December 18, 2014 Ahh, fake stories neck beards make up while waiting for the hot pockets to cook in the microwave. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PRD2BDF Posted December 18, 2014 Report Share Posted December 18, 2014 Only thing I learned was there is a such thing as precum Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tractor Posted December 18, 2014 Report Share Posted December 18, 2014 Ahh, fake stories neck beards make up while waiting for the hot pockets to cook in the microwave. Haha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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