Parents..WWCRD

[1Quik7]

I'm going to prefece this with a little of caution but I'm an expecting dad. I know a lot of people are different and not all relationships are equal. Some people are super into their kids and others are just, meh.

 

We have a baby girl who is coming in a couple weeks, July 17th if she's on time. One and done is the plan. I'm older, the wife is older; we're gonna be the parents at graduation riding wheelchairs.

 

My wife came to me crying tonight because she's terrified that I will love the baby more than her, that I'm so about the baby and not her. I'm just trying to get myself amped up about having a baby, I'm not really a baby guy.

 

So, the question I want to ask(which is kinda shitty)...if the worst came down, the ship is sinking...would you save your kid or wife/husband? Who would get the first life raft?

 

 

Just curious....I know answers will vary. We still love each other

Edited June 23, 2019 by 1Quik7

[BuckeyeROC]

I think and hope you both will find that your love for your child will be very different than your love for each other and not detract from that. "Love" in the English language is way too broad of a word, there are just very different ways it applies and is experienced. As my mother in law has said, "you don't have a fixed amount of love, your love just grows". I've found that true even while having more than one child, you don't love your other children any less when you have more kids. My advice is just to make sure you both make your daughter feel loved and also make sure you still take some time for yourselves. The "love" part will probably be easier than the "time" part, honestly. And if you don't know what the "love languages" are, I think it's worth some time to learn about and talk to your wife about so you both are on the same page with each other.

[Cordell]

Keep in mind your wife is full of hormones like crazy right now, and if she’s already getting silly keep in mind that post-partem (sp?) depression is a real thing and effect lots of new mothers. It’s important as the new dad to watch her just as much.

 

Now as for which one is more important, my daughter hands down. Just know when I say that my wife expects it to be that way. It’s been an interesting 18 years as a dad, as mine just finished high school, I wasn’t very involved until she was 2-3. I don’t have any interest in babies, and I really only tolerated it because she was mine. Once she could start talking and getting around it got alot more fun for me.

[Smokey]

Good responses so far. She’s definitely full of hormones don’t panic.

 

My advice would be that your marriage came first and ideally should last after the kids are out of the house, so you need to continue to work on it and make it a priority after having the child. Make time for yourselves to take date night, spend time together, etc. it’s tougher than you’d think and easy to just focus on the kids and let the relationship sit on the sidelines.

[Fiji ST]

Good overall advice in this thread.

 

You don't really need an answer to this because I think most rational parents will automatically save their child first if the shit hits the fan, so to speak. Don't overthink things, and that goes for her as well. Pregnancy hormones can be ridiculous and you just need to let her have her weird thoughts and tell her that you will still love her when she's done crying and ranting. She'll know that.

 

You sound a lot like me. I didn't like kids and always thought if I ever had one, it'd be a boy. Here I am with a 2 year old little girl and she is the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me. So smart, so loving. I love when I come home from work now and she's runs to me for my welcome home hug.

 

Congrats and enjoy every moment of it now and when she arrives.

[Mace1647545504]

As much as I love my wife I would save my sons first. AND i truly feel that is the same thing my wife would do AND it is what she would want.

A previous reply is right on, the wife is full of hormones and once the baby is here and she has help it she will tell you, she'd save your girl first.

[Richard Cranium]

I'm going to take a little different view here. I am a husband, but only a step-dad. I don't have kids of my own. I see a lot of parents (particularly moms) declare that the kid comes first at the expense of all else. I really don't agree with this. I believe for the most part that a good home will benefit a child. If you put the kid first in everything and your partner first in nothing it will strain the relationship. Do it long enough and the partner may stray or outright find someone else. They are your partner in this. They matter too. Take care of your partnership and you'll always have someone there to help. You're not in this alone, don't alienate the one that can help.

 

As for who to save first. I'll go with the air mask on the airline example. Parents want to save the child above all else. That's an admirable sacrifice, and one that most parents would make. But it's sometimes dumb. Put your own air mask on first. You cannot save your child while you're slumped over in the seat unconscious. If you help your partner first before helping the child, now there are two of you to save the child. Maybe I misunderstood the question though. If I were faced with a situation where my wife had to choose between saving me and saving one of her kids, I would tell her to save the kid. I'll make that choice for her.

[caseyctsv]

First of all, congrats! My wife and I are recently dealing with being young empty nesters ...I am 46 and wife is 44. Our daughters are 24 and 21 and we have been married 25 years. The only advice I can give is make time to invest in your relationship with your wife as a solid mom/dad relationship benefits the kids the most (as others have said). I would also say, if you have not done so, reiterate your commitment to her - “I love you and will never leave you”. You can never remind them enough at the commitment you made and you will stand by it. Hopefully she will respond in kind. There is peace in knowing you do not have to tackle challenges alone....ever.

 

 

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[Green Bastard]

Just let your wife know that you don't love her any less than your child, just differently. As stated before, her hormones are running amok and she is probably very emotional over almost nothing some days. As far as your who do you save question, I would answer the kids over her, and I would expect her to make the same decision, though I would hope to never be put in such a situation. Things will be fine, sounds like she is just in her head with extra emotions right now.

[nurkvinny]

Hormones. Hormones. Hormones.

 

My wife said she wanted to divorce me because I wouldn't buy Nikes on sale; we didn't know she was pregnant yet. You'll be fine once the kid is here.

[cstmg8]

Hormones. Hormones. Hormones.

 

My wife said she wanted to divorce me because I wouldn't buy Nikes on sale; we didn't know she was pregnant yet. You'll be fine once the kid is here.

Hahaha, mine was over terrible pizza hut pizza, lol. Completely irrational.

 

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[Geeesammy]

Hormones

 

Forget it and move on

[coltboostin]

Semi-Related, but was this one unplanned? If not, were you trying for a long time? I've seen couples try for 1 month, some for 8 years. It changes the dynamic of the conversation.

 

The cliff notes version of this, shes a hormonal trainwreck. Take it all with a grain of salt-unless this has been a topic for a month and not just a fleeting statement she made as this thread suggest.

 

But, in either circumstance, the best way to make it work long term is WIFE above all else. Family, Kids, Cars, all of it. After all, you literally made that legal commitment to it. May as well follow though lol.

 

But for a more practical reason, if the marriage sucks-the rest of it will suck anyways.

[1Quik7]

Good responses, thanks for the support. I always forget about the crazy hormones.

 

And yes JP, the baby was planned. We have been together 15yrs, married for 5...I wouldn't say we were trying hard for a baby, but we weren't preventing either.

[RedRocket1647545505]

[DavidBaustert]

We also just had a baby girl in April. They're batshit crazy when they are pregnant. That being said, remember this: Your child is a product of your relationship. She is here because of you two, not the other way around. Your child(ren) will move out of the house eventually and be gone and you will be left with your wife. Marriage first, children second, everyone profits.

[smokin5s]

if she's older, be VERY careful about post pardem... my wife was over 30 when we had our last and she suffered post pardem OCD BAD... like REALLY bad... The older she gets the worse it can get... be very cautious of this and be ready to take actions if needed.

[gillbot]

if she's older, be VERY careful about post pardem... my wife was over 30 when we had our last and she suffered post pardem OCD BAD... like REALLY bad... The older she gets the worse it can get... be very cautious of this and be ready to take actions if needed.

 

This. And hormones.