Tpoppa Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 (edited) http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/worst-nights/orhttp://www.textsfromlastnight.com/best-nights/ Edited July 24, 2009 by Tpoppa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RC51 John Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 (edited) (325): wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah" (216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.(440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?(216): Holy shit r u serious? How?(440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you. (206): I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole(425): There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian Great find. Edited July 24, 2009 by RC51 John Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kawi kid Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 i read no more after this one WINNAR!!!!(571): So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pedro Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 (edited) I like this one. (843): happy early fathers day!!!(829): im not a father(843): about that... I guess it's better to hear news like that over text instead of on the Maury show.and this one. (816): normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me Edited July 24, 2009 by Pedro Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ltsrunm Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RC51 John Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 (423): he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft. another WOW victim. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tomcat0403 Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 (615): drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.that takes talent(651): Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.and this guy is way to patriotic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tpoppa Posted July 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 (617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.(508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.(559): Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Disclaimer Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 I just figured out that you could search by area code. Well, ok, I didn't... but it was pointed out to me.440216419Woot! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tomcat0403 Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 570): If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DLN1223 Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 (212): i want you now(916): you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tpoppa Posted July 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 (202): therell be strippers and coke right?(703): no strippers. just coke.(202): i hate this fuckin recession (214): dude. I'm so drunk.(972): pete, this is bryce's mom(214): I can't wait to have my cock in your ass(972): pete, this is still bryce's mom (757): I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DLN1223 Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 (201): she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
max power Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 funny shit! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Uncle Punk Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 Damn you Tony, I have work to do and this stupid site is fucking with my time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jarvismb Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 you stay classy, Cincinnati:(513): Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide (513): Shitting during a conference call is so empowering. (513): what's Bukake?(1-513): a bad idea. (513): the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts? (513): I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jarvismb Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 (508): Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk(503): it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers. (678): And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim(416): i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia (310): It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass... And maybe the best one yet......(585): i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!" This is the worst website to happen to productivity EVER..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ross Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 (508): Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.(781): I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.(508): Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ross Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 (571): So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ross Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 (802): OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ross Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 (813): I'm fucking your sister right now.(1-813): You motherfucker(813): She's next. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tomcat0403 Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 (720): Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown(303): I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jarvismb Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 (720): Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown(303): I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.that is simply fantastic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jarvismb Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 (503): and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.(209): I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.(859): Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks. (303): Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks (757): There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
max power Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 How about this one:(404): Ben's a prick.(1-404): What Ben are you talking about?(404): All the bens across all the lands This ones pretty good too:(303): You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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