Jump to content

E-Mails From an Asshole. AKA Craigslist/Classified Ads Destruction.


jagr

Recommended Posts

This guy likes to F with people on Craigslist and other sites.

Some of it is hilarious.

http://www.dontevenreply.com/

Posted at: 2009-08-16 19:00:05

The following post is a set of e-mails from me actually trying to sell my TV. I guess I was asking too much for it.

Original ad:

PLASMA HDTV - $850

I'm selling my 42" 720p Samsung Plasma TV (PN42A410). I bought it a year ago and there is nothing wrong with it. I just want to get a bigger TV with more P's.

From ************@yahoo.com to Me

hey will you take $700 for it

From Me to ************@yahoo.com

You are asking me to drop the price by $150. I am willing to do this if you let me shoot you in the groin with my paintball gun 20 times in a row. You can't wear a cup. I get to set the velocity to 450 FPS.

From ************@yahoo.com to Me

seriously?

From Me to ************@yahoo.com

Yes. 20 shots and its yours.

From ************@yahoo.com to Me

uhh no. hows $750 sound

From Me to ************@yahoo.com

Do you have a girlfriend? If you do, and she is hot (I'll need pics), and she blows me, you can have the TV for $750. You can't watch either.

From ************@yahoo.com to Me

fuck off dude

From Me to ************@yahoo.com

Tell you what, I'll sell it to you for $900 and you won't have to do any of that stuff.

From ************@yahoo.com to Me

wtf your ad said $850

From Me to ************@yahoo.com

I added $50 for you trying to haggle me. I'll remove this $50 haggling fee if you let me break an empty vodka bottle over your head.

From ************@yahoo.com to Me

fuck off

From **************@comcast.net to Me

A TV like that goes for $699 brand new at Best Buy. I'll give you $400 for it?

From Me to **************@comcast.net

For $400, I will cut the TV in half with a sawzall and give you half of it. Which half would you like? The left half has all of the HDMI inputs, and the right half has the power/channel/input buttons.

From **************@comcast.net to Me

I guess I'm going to Best Buy...

From Me to **************@comcast.net

WAIT! Before you go to Best Buy, consider my new offer:

I'll sell you the TV for my new low price of $800. Also, I was planning on leaving it on a paused frame of gay porn all weekend so it would be burned into the screen, but I won't do this if you accept my offer within the next 10 minutes.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This one was a little tricky. If you didn't figure it out, I am both Mike Anderson and Kira Anderson.

Original ad:

i am looking to trade/barter my 1994 Jeep Wrangler. 140k miles, yellow, good condition. NO CASH. I will barter just about anything of equal value!

From Mike Anderson to **********@***********.org

CC: Kira Anderson

Hey,

I saw your ad for a '94 Wrangler for barter. I will trade you my whore of a wife for that car. She is a dirty little slut that fucks just about anything that moves. She doesn't really have much to offer, so I figure she is worth about the price of a used 1994 wrangler. I understand if you think she isn't worth it, so I am willing to throw in $200 cash on top of that. If you are looking for a loose whore that will give it up easily, my wife will be well worth the trade. Let me know if you are interested. Does the Wrangler come with a title?

From Jim ***** to Me

Ha ha! Very funny. I am married and don't think I would be interested in your wife. Thanks for the offer though!

From Kira Anderson to Me, Jim *****

OH FUCK YOU MIKE!! DROP FUCKING DEAD!!! YOU ARE SUCH A SCUMBAG PIECE OF SHIT I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!

From Mike Anderson to Kira Anderson, Jim *****

Fuck YOU, you stupid cunt! What are you doing on the computer? I figured you were fucking Steve again. Or how about our neighbor? I'm sure he's looking to stick his dick in some rotten pussy. You fucking twat.

From Kira Anderson to Me, Jim *****

MIKE YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE THIS IS IT. DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT COMING HOME TODAY BECAUSE ILL BE WAITING WITH A FUCKIN KNIFE

From Mike Anderson to Kira Anderson, Jim *****

Ooh I'm real fucking scared. It might be kind of hard to stab me with 10 inches of black dick in your mouth you fucking WHORE

From Jim ***** to Me, Kira Anderson

Hey you two sound like a great couple and all, but could you stop including me in these e-mails? I really don't think this concerns me.

From Kira Anderson to Mike Anderson, Jim *****

TELL YOU WHAT JIM ILL BUY YOUR FUCKING WRANGLER SO I CAN RUN OVER MY PIECE OF SHIT HUSBAND WITH IT

From Mike Anderson to Jim *****, Kira Anderson

Jim don't sell it to her. She'll probably pick up a random dude and crash the jeep while she's sucking his dick.

From Kira Anderson to Mike Anderson, Jim *****

FUCK YOU

From Jim ***** to Me, Kira Anderson

Will both of you shut the fuck up and stop e-mailing me? Jesus fucking christ man c'mon!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Been looking at all these. To me...this has been the funniest one i have read so far.

:lol:

Vintage Liquor

Posted at: 2009-06-09 01:43:45

Original ad:

Collector looking for vintage scotch, rum, cognac, bourbon, etc. Willing to pay top dollar for fine bottles.

From Timmy Tucker to **********@**********.org

Hey there! I saw your ad on ********** and have some "vintage" liquor you may be interested in.

I have about half a handle of Captain Morgan's Rum, a rare vintage rum from the Caribbean. I bought this at a liquor store on Long Island in 2007, and believe that its taste has really aged to perfection. I am willing to sell this for $300.

I also have a very rare bottle of Aristocrat Tequila. You can taste the fine vintage in every sip. I acquired it from a friend who says he bought it at a liquor store in Baltimore in 2005. You can really taste that southern atmosphere in this one! Due to its rarity, I will sell this for $500.

Also, if you are interested, I have about half a case of vintage Natural Ice beer. It was acquired from a frat party I was at about a month ago. This frat has a very old history with Syracuse, and that history came with the beer. It doesn't get much more vintage than this. I will part with this at $50 per can.

I really hate to see this stuff go, but after my third DUI, the court ordered me to do a program that involves me staying sober, so I think it is best that I part with this rare liquor.

Please let me know if you are interested. I have several other buyers lined up, so I will need to know very soon.

Thanks,

Tim

From Evan ******* to Me

Tim,

You must be crazy to consider that bottom-end liquor "vintage." I am not interested and am insulted that you would even try to sell me such cheap liquor at such ridiculous prices.

Evan

From Timmy Tucker to Evan *******

Evan,

I am very disappointed that you are not interested in these vintage treasures. Every bottle and can I sell comes with priceless historic value. Please reconsider, because I don't think you will find an offer like this anywhere else.

- Tim

From Evan ******* to Me

Are you nuts? You want to sell me beer you stole from a frat, that is a month old, for $50 a can? I am NOT INTERESTED.

From Timmy Tucker to Evan *******

Evan,

I did not steal that beer, and I resent the accusation. Please reconsider purchasing this. I am a recovering alcoholic, and fear that I will drink again if I am unable to get rid of this booze. Please do not make me drink again!

Tim

From Evan ******* to Me

Why don't you just throw the booze away? You have problems, man.

From Timmy Tucker to Evan *******

WJKAJF EVAN U RUNED MY LIF. I DRNK ALL THE BOTTLE. U MADE ME CRSH MY CAR AND RUN AWAY NOW POLICE RJSGJKEW. WIFE IN HOSPTAL. i HATE U EVEN U DISTROY LIFE

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...