Dear wannabe mugger....

[alab32]

Not sure if there is any truth to this but it is pretty funny.

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me In Downtown Savannah night before last.

Date: 2010-05-27, 1 :43 a.m. E.S.T.

I was the guy wearing the black Bur berry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 ....45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again.

After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you, but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,

Alex

Edited December 8, 2010 by alab32

[Disclaimer]

Oldie but a goodie.

[Casper]

Oldie but a goodie.

Modified oldie.

[kawi kid]

Enjoyable

[hollywood3586]

Wow.. I would only hope this is real. that's funny..

[chevysoldier]

Yeah, I have seen variations of that. Still funny.

[BikerBoy]

Doesn't Alex by posting this letter confess of so many federal crimes ? It's funny to read , but I mean legal wise , if they traced the letter to the guy who poseted it , won't he be in deep shit ?

[Disclaimer]

Yes, it would be illegal to do what he did, per the story, technically.

It's illegal to go from the muggee to the mugger. But, I guess that would really be up to a jury of your peers.

[scottie.harris]

Great story

[John]

i know this is old as dirt and most likely fake, and it does have SOME humor to it... but this is not what a CHL is for, and you dont want to risk losing it by doing some stupid shit like this.

once you take his phone and wallet, its not self defense any more. its armed robbery. personally, i wont draw my weapon unless im going to use it. the gun is to stop the threat. not to jack the person who was trying to jack you.

i mean just think if a cop walked up at that very moment. you holding a gun on someone with shitty drawers handing over their wallet to you... whats that going to look like to him? who do you think will be going to jail?

not to mention that the anti-gun crowd thinks this is how we all are anyway, and this antecdote just reinforces that stereotype.

my $0.02

[alab32]

i know this is old as dirt and most likely fake, and it does have SOME humor to it... but this is not what a CHL is for, and you dont want to risk losing it by doing some stupid shit like this.

once you take his phone and wallet, its not self defense any more. its armed robbery. personally, i wont draw my weapon unless im going to use it. the gun is to stop the threat. not to jack the person who was trying to jack you.

i mean just think if a cop walked up at that very moment. you holding a gun on someone with shitty drawers handing over their wallet to you... whats that going to look like to him? who do you think will be going to jail?

not to mention that the anti-gun crowd thinks this is how we all are anyway, and this antecdote just reinforces that stereotype.

my $0.02

Whew... Nothing like taking it seriously. Im pretty sure people, well most people, on this site take this as a joke and would not do this... Just a thought.

[redkow97]

Whew... Nothing like taking it seriously. Im pretty sure people, well most people, on this site take this as a joke and would not do this... Just a thought.

I think you underestimate the "cowboy" reaction.

while most people will SAY they'll do something like this, the vast majority would never have the balls to actually do it. Big talk, and not a lot of follow-through.

I'm with John on not abusing a carry permit, but I would consider pulling a gun to prevent myself from being robbed by someone with a knife - but don't shoot until they actually swing the knife at you.

Everyone should familiarize themselves with the legal definition of self defense. It's not (legally) self defense when you respond with greater force. You have (arguably) asserted yourself as the aggressor by pulling a gun on a someone brandishing a knife.

There's a fine line to walk. Don't use a gun until you are legitimately preventing severe bodily harm to yourself or someone else.

[alab32]

I think you underestimate the "cowboy" reaction.

while most people will SAY they'll do something like this, the vast majority would never have the balls to actually do it. Big talk, and not a lot of follow-through.

I'm with John on not abusing a carry permit, but I would consider pulling a gun to prevent myself from being robbed by someone with a knife - but don't shoot until they actually swing the knife at you.

Everyone should familiarize themselves with the legal definition of self defense. It's not (legally) self defense when you respond with greater force. You have (arguably) asserted yourself as the aggressor by pulling a gun on a someone brandishing a knife.

There's a fine line to walk. Don't use a gun until you are legitimately preventing severe bodily harm to yourself or someone else.

I concur...

[alab32]

Chris' date=' you are already in far more danger than you understand if there is someone wielding a knife within arms reach of you... but the last thing I want to do is turn this thread into a "knife > guns" argument.

Any decent attorney can smash this theory to death in a court room. Matter of fact, I was instructed by my CCW instructor, who is a "Court Certified Expert on the use of deadly force" that if anyone pulls a knife on me, and they are within' 21 feet, that ammunition should be dispatched with very little haste.[/quote']

Concur... On all accounts!

[Beegreenstrings]

Oldie but a goodie.

+1 funny still!

[redkow97]

Chris' date=' you are already in far more danger than you understand if there is someone wielding a knife within arms reach of you... but the last thing I want to do is turn this thread into a "knife > guns" argument.

Any decent attorney can smash this theory to death in a court room. Matter of fact, I was instructed by my CCW instructor, who is a "Court Certified Expert on the use of deadly force" that if anyone pulls a knife on me, and they are within' 21 feet, that ammunition should be dispatched with very little haste.[/quote']

but is it a point you really want to have to argue in court?

On the one hand, the shooter's lawyer can argue, "my client responded with equal force, not greater - the attacker brandished a deadly weapon. His knife can easily inflict a deadly wound."

and on the other hand, the mugger's lawyer says, "that's ridiculous! A knife may be a deadly weapon, but its effective range is less than 4 feet! My client was shot by this so-called 'victim' when he was 15 feet away! My client was retreating when he was shot, and had relinquished his status as an aggressor; the shooter became the aggressor as soon as my client retreated, and he responded with greater force."

the shooter will likely be cleared of criminal charges, but you KNOW the mugger is going to sue for damages, and I think he'd have a good shot at winning. Different standard of proof.

Regardless of what is right, or fair, or legally correct; you have to ask yourself if it's really worth putting yourself through the process. If it's a life-and-death situation, obviously it is. If the guy is shitting his pants and backing off, then I'd say it's equally obvious that the satisfaction of getting revenge isn't worth it.

[chevysoldier]

but is it a point you really want to have to argue in court?

On the one hand, the shooter's lawyer can argue, "my client responded with equal force, not greater - the attacker brandished a deadly weapon. His knife can easily inflict a deadly wound."

and on the other hand, the mugger's lawyer says, "that's ridiculous! A knife may be a deadly weapon, but its effective range is less than 4 feet! My client was shot by this so-called 'victim' when he was 15 feet away! My client was retreating when he was shot, and had relinquished his status as an aggressor; the shooter became the aggressor as soon as my client retreated, and he responded with greater force."

the shooter will likely be cleared of criminal charges, but you KNOW the mugger is going to sue for damages, and I think he'd have a good shot at winning. Different standard of proof.

Regardless of what is right, or fair, or legally correct; you have to ask yourself if it's really worth putting yourself through the process. If it's a life-and-death situation, obviously it is. If the guy is shitting his pants and backing off, then I'd say it's equally obvious that the satisfaction of getting revenge isn't worth it.

Even though this post was started in fun, and I am sure everyone knows that, carrying a firearm either concealed or openly is not something to be taken lightly. A very minor detail can turn the victim into the aggressor very easily.

[redkow97]

there's just a very fine line between justice and revenge.

it's not uncommon for the latter to be desired when the former isn't as satisfying as we'd like.

[alab32]

And a knife is dangerous in distances MUCH farther that 4 feet. That lawyer wouldnt even try that argument because they know that is way off.

[alienpi]

Well, hopefully the bullets in your gun are not part of the recall when the self defense incident occurs.

http://www.theonion.com/video/manufacturer-recalls-hollow-point-bullets-that-fai,14319/

[owndjoo]

i gotta say that actually, taking the person's wallet and cell phone is not a crime in this instance. you pull the weapon to stop the crime, then ask the person to kindly hand over his identification and cell phone to turn into the police that you are about to call immediately after the incident. quite a brilliant thing to do. now the whole other part of the story is illegal.

[Warlock]

Funny story....interesting discussion.