So, I'm up working... Someone entertain me.

[Casper]

And, go!

[Jst2fst]

Movie quote: " What do you get when you cross a donkey and a onion"? Name the movie and who said it go.

[Casper]

Movie quote: " What do you get when you cross a donkey and a onion"? Name the movie and who said it go.

Uncle Jesse in Dukes of Hazard. It's an old joke though. The answer is "A piece of ass that brings a tear to your eye."

[jerben]

These are actual comments made by West Virginia Troopers that were taken off their car videos:

1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through.."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new They'll stretch after you wear them a while"

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." (My Favorite)

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime Information Center )

13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS....

16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

[Casper]

These are actual comments made by West Virginia Troopers that were taken off their car videos:

1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through.."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new They'll stretch after you wear them a while"

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." (My Favorite)

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime Information Center )

13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS....

16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

[|SnOmAn|]

Speaking of police stories, I read one a long time ago that was hilarious. Don't know why, just was at the time.

So a cop pulls a guy over for speeding. He walks up to the car and said, "Son, I've been waiting here all day for you!" The guy looks at the officer and said, "Well, I got here as fast as I could!" The cop just laughed and let the dude go...

[Casper]

Speaking of police stories, I read one a long time ago that was hilarious. Don't know why, just was at the time.

So a cop pulls a guy over for speeding. He walks up to the car and said, "Son, I've been waiting here all day for you!" The guy looks at the officer and said, "Well, I got here as fast as I could!" The cop just laughed and let the dude go...

[rpone605]

well at least i'm not the only one...i'm working thirds all week.

[MidgetTodd]

I eat massive amounts of spaghetti

[RFM]

well at least i'm not the only one...i'm working thirds all week.

Thirds aren't that bad. Just be happy you're not the last guy in The Gang Bang 500. Thirds is still close to new...

[r1crusher]

I eat massive amounts of spaghetti

You forgot to mention your also a midget. It makes the spaghetti thing a little funnier.

[rpone605]

Thirds aren't that bad. Just be happy you're not the last guy in The Gang Bang 500. Thirds is still close to new...

haha...well at least i only have to play in the slop for a few days then!

[mhallam85]

"Winter Blond"

AS a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door.

The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again.

She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door.

Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again.

All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker rolls down the window.. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light.

When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde.

He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says...

"Hi, my name is Mark, it's winter in PENNSYLVANIA and I'm driving the

SALT TRUCK

[mhallam85]

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike

> English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

>

> 'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'

> 'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

>

> A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

>

> Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two

> groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether

> computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each

> group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

>

> The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the

> feminine gender ('la computadora' ), because:

>

> 1 No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

>

> 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is

> incomprehensible to everyone else;

>

> 3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for

> possible later retrieval; and

>

> 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending

> half your paycheck on accessories for it.

>

> (THIS GETS BETTER!)

>

> The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be

>

> Masculine ('el computador') , because:

>

> 1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

>

> 2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

>

> 3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they

> ARE the problem; and

>

> 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a

> little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

>

> The women won.

This was sent to me by a female co-worker who knows about all my sexist remarks lol

[Jst2fst]

Uncle Jesse in Dukes of Hazard. It's an old joke though. The answer is "A piece of ass that brings a tear to your eye."

Good job, Its one of my favorite quotes from the movie