kitani2126

Since I couldn't rep you. Here you go :plus1:

A blind guy at a bar shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "before you tell that joke, you should know, our bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy next to me is 6' 2", 225 lb. rugby player. fella to your right is 6' 5", 300 lb wrestler. Each one of us IS blonde. Think about it. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.

A Blonde airhead goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics. "So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?" The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying "Ehhhh... 22!" The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. ... "And can you tell us your height, please?" The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces "Five foot two!" This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something the interviewee won't have to count, measure, or lookup. "Just to confirm for our records, your name please?" The airhead bobs her head from side to side for about ten seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying "MANDY!" The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks - "What in the world were you doing when I asked you your name?" "Ohhhh, that!" replies the airhead... " I was just running through that song - 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear...' "

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy." The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus

its about this 70ish year old woman that got pulled over by a state trooper and while looking at her id, proof of insurance and registration the trooper noticed she had her conceal carry permit and asked if she was carrying a weapon. she replied that she had a .45 in the glove box, a 9mm in the center console and a .38 special in her purse. the officer asked what she was afraid of and she replied "not a fucking thing."

I went to Basic Training with a girl Chrystal Ball, and from my home town in Pa there is a woman Chanda Lear. My best friend growing up was Tymber. and my Tee-Ball coaches name was Richard Lick.

This lady is at the pet store and she happens upon this beautiful talking parrot at an incredibly low price. She take the bird to the front and asks, "what’s the deal with this parrot?" "Oh," says the clerk, "he a healthy specimen, but he has a bit of a mouth... he's previous owner worked at a bordello." After being assured that she could bring the parrot back the woman buys the bird. As soon as s...he gets home the first thing the parrot does is look around and say, "Ah, new house... new madam." The woman is annoyed, but thinks little of it until her two daughters come home. The Parrot whistles and says, "Ah, new house, new madam, new girls." The woman raises an eye brow, but thinks to herself, 'once he get to know the family it will probably will be ok.' Next her husband walks through the front door... the Parrot takes one look at him and says "HI Dave!"

One winter morning at breakfast a couple was listening to the radio They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." The wife went out and moved her car. A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10-12 inches of snow today,... you will need to move your car to the odd-numbered side of the street so the snowplow can get through." So the wife went out and moved her car again. The next week, while they were eating breakfast, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 12-14 inches of snow today and you must park..." Then the power went off! The wife was very upset. With a worried look on her face she said, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street am I supposed to park on?" With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, her husband said, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time."

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy with 4 young mothers. "You all have obsessions.", the doctor observed. To the 1st mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named you're daughter 'Candy'." He looks to the 2nd mother saying, "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." He looks to the third mother and says, "Your obsession is alcohol. This manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy." At this point, the 4th mother gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and says to him, "Come on, Dick, we're leaving!"

A doctor of psychiatry is doing his normal morning rounds at the hospital when he enters the ward. He finds Arnold sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Meanwhile Mark is hanging from the ceiling by his feet. The consultant asks Arnold what he's doing. Arnold smiles and answers, 'Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?' ... The consultant nods and continues talking to Arnold and ask what Mark is doing on the ceiling. Arnold looks up and murmurs, 'Oh, he's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a light bulb.' The consultant looks up and notices that Mark's face is turning red and blue. The consultant remonstrates with Arnold and says, 'If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself.' Arnold replies with a sigh, 'What? And work in the dark.

A Marine Corps sergeant took a new job as a high school teacher. Just before the school year started, he injured his back. He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable. On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The smart-alec punks, having already heard the new teacher was a Marine, were leery of him and he knew they would be testing his discipline in the classroom. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom and not saying a word, the Marine opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he pulled the staple gun from his briefcase and stapled the tie to his chest. Dead silence.... He had no trouble with discipline the rest of the year.