I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the
following reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Sincerely,
The Penis
--------------------------------
Dear Penis,
After assessing your request and considering the
arguments you have raised,
the administration rejects your request for the
following reasons:
You do not work eight hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management
team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often
seen visiting other
locations.
You do not take initiative. You need to be pressured
and stimulated in
order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of
your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations,
such as wearing the
correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before
you have completed the
assigned task.
And if that were not enough, you are constantly seen
entering and exiting
the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.
Sincerely,
The Management