I went to go see the Avengers. I was trying to enjoy it but my hemorrhoids flared up on me about halfway through. I had a very tough decision to make. I could stay and watch in pain, or I could leave and be the weird guy at the office that didnt see the entire movie. I didnt want to be the guy that yells, "Stop!! I haven't seen it yet" in the break room, so I took some ice from a kids drink. I slowly stuck the cubes in between my ass cheeks hoping it would numb the pain. I am glad to say it worked and I was able to finish the movie! I am not sure who the kid was but he was my hero that day.
The morale of the story is... watch your drink because some old black guy might stick his hand in it after massaging a hemorrhoid to steal your ice and shove it up his ass crack so that he can finish a movie to share with a bunch of nerds at work then tell you a story on a forum where every sentence starts with I.
I bet you read it again to see if they all really start with I