Dateline:Thursday, April 24th, 2008 5:30 PM
Kilkare Dragway,Xenia,Ohio, 45385
Twin Turbo ZO6 spotted at Kilkare Dragway, driven by 270 KING (real name: as evidenced on birth certificate provided for all to view at the track. Father: GOD, Mother: Hey, GOD gets around, but she was the hottest supermodel available. Ht:21 inches Wt: 16.5 lbs. (Each testicle was over 4 lbs.).
The ZO6, a masterpiece of IPS Motorsports. Engineering of the highest level! The beauty of this vehicle can only be taken in small bursts of time, looking at it more than 5 seconds at a time will melt your brain. Also provided was a CLEAR title in the name of 270 KING, framed in a platinum Rosedebor picture frame, along with three Ohio BMV employees, each holding a sworn affidavit,stating the legitimacy of said title.
The ZO6 pulls into the waterbox, the crowd falls silent. The burnout ensues, think John Force on methamphetamine, birds falling out of the sky, tornado sirens going off, deafening all within a ten mile radius when the evil twins reach their max of 5,000 pounds of boost.
The ZO6 pulls to the line, the announcer reminding the crowd of 100,000 to blink, we have already lost 75 people to brain meltdown. Staged, boost building. The ZO6 is pulling in so much oxygen it is hard to breathe. GREEN. The ZO6 is pulling the track, like a conveyor belt, under its thundering LSX power. Its pulls so hard the Earth is shaken, time is altered, I get a call from an old highschool bud wanting the borrow the new Iron Maiden LP "Number of the Beast".
And then, its over, silence again, 4.29 seconds, 418 mph!! Kilkare is being rebuilt, the track is destroyed. The concession stand food actually tastes good now. Divine intervention! All this and my pool is still 68 degrees!?!