Jokes.................

[bacchus]

from http://www.slightlywarped.com/jokes/jokes/incredibly_offensive_jokes.htm

Incredibly Offensive Jokes

Just... don't read these, okay? If you do read them, don't fucking complain.

How many cops does it take to push a black man down the stairs? None... he fell.

What's the best part of sex with a transvestite? Reaching around and pretending it went all the way through.

What's the difference between Hitler and Michael Phelps? Phelps can finish a race.

I ran into Hitler. I was surprised to see him and asked him what he was up to? He said "This time I am going to kill 6 million Jews and two clowns!" "Two Clowns? Why are you going to kill two clowns?" "See? Nobody cares about zee Jews."

A white woman and a black man are dancing at a club, and after a while things start to get hot and heavy. After some heavy kissing and petting, the woman makes the suggestion that they return to her apartment for the night.

When the couple arrives at the woman's apartment, they begin passionately kissing and undressing each other, preparing to have frenzied and unrepentant sex with each other.

However, the white woman, curious as she was, asked the black guy as he was taking off his pants, "before you take them off....is it true what they say about black guys?"

With a suave yet sinister look, he looked into her eyes and said "baby, of course." He then proceeded to stab her and ran out with her purse.

What's the difference between an onion and a hooker? I don't cry when I'm cutting up the hooker.

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? None.

What does a Jew with an erection get when he walks into a wall? A broken nose.

What's a Jew's biggest dilemma? Free ham.

What do Jewish pedophiles say? "Hey kid, want to buy some candy?"

What's the worst thing about getting your keys locked in your car outside an abortion clinic? Having to go in to ask for a coat hanger.

Three pregnant women are sitting in a doctors waiting room knitting. Mom 1 checks her watch and takes a pill "Vitamin C, good for mom, good for baby." Mom 2 takes a pill and says, "Vitamin A, good for mom, good for baby." Mom 3 takes a pill and says, "Thalidomide...I can't knit sleeves."

I would tell a Casey Anthony joke, but my mom would kill me...

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? Acne doesn't come on a boys face until he's 13.

So I was balls deep in this guy thrusting as hard as I could when I reached around to give him a hand job. Guess what? That fucker had an erection. What. A. Queer.

The worst part about being a pedophile is trying to fit in.

A man walks past girl with no arms or legs sitting by a pool. The girl says to the man, "Excuse me sir, I've never been fucked and in my condition no one would want to fuck me. Will you please fuck me?" So the man kicks her into the pool and says, "There, you're fucked."

A guy called into work and says, "Hey, boss! What's the difference between work and your daughter?" ... "I'm not coming into work this morning!"

God gave women yeast infections so that they would know what it was like living with an irritating cunt for once.

What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's pussy? Sucking out thirteen of them and realizing you only put in a dozen.

What does a baby look like after a minute in the microwave? I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.

A baby seal walked into a club...

I was raping a woman the other night and she cried, "Please, think of my children!" Kinky bitch.

Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.

Have you heard the joke about the baby with AIDS? It never gets old.

What's so good about an Ethiopian blow job? You just KNOW she'll swallow.

I lost my virginity to a retarded girl last night... I wanted my first time to be special.

What does it taste like when you go down on an old lady? Depends...

Why did the semen cross the road? I wore the wrong socks today.

Little Johnny is staying at his grandmother's house for the weekend with his parents. He walks into their room in the middle of the night and wakes his mother. His mother says "What is it Johnny?". Little Johnny says "Grandma has a shrimpy"! His mother looks at him puzzled. "She has a WHAT?" Johnny says "A Shrimpy!" His mother has no idea what little Johnny is talking about. His mother says "Come show me what you're talking about". Little Johnny leads his mother downstairs where his 85 year old grandmother is lying sprawled out on the sofa in her night-gown. Her gown is wide open and so are her legs. She is sound asleep. Johnny says to his mother "Look mommy, Grandma has a shrimpy". He points to her vaginHis mother laughs. "No, no, Johnny, that's not a shrimpy. That's her vagina". Little Johnny looks up at his mother and says "Wow! Sure does taste like shrimpy".

What's the difference between jam and jelly? I don't jelly my cock down a bitches throat.

How do you get a fat girl into bed? Piece of cake.

How are children like cellphones? If you've lost one and haven't found it in a couple days, chances are it's probably dead.

What's the difference between Sara Palin's mouth and her vagina? Retarded things only come out of her vagina SOME of the time.

What's the best part about raping a baby? It makes your dick look HUGE!

What's the best part about raping a four year old boy? Watching him cry on the witness stand.

How long does it take to cook a baby in a microwave? I don't know... I can't tell time with an erection.

What do you get if you cross an elephant with a poodle? A dead poodle with an 18 inch wide asshole.

Why does it take longer for a woman to orgasm than a man? Who cares?

What's the difference between a black guy and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four.

What do you call four klansman pushing a pickup truck? White power.

What do you call a black guy who flies a plane? A pilot, you racist asshole!

What's the difference between a rock and a dead baby? You can't fuck a rock.

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes? Nothing... you already told her twice.

Why do black men cry during sex? Mace.

What's the difference between a black guy and Batman? A black guy can't go out at night without Robin.

How many white guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb? The number doesn't matter because the white man will screw anything.

What does a white woman make for dinner? Reservations.

What do you call a white guy surrounded by five black guys? Coach.

What do you call a white guy surrounded by eleven black guys? Football coach.

What do you call a white guy surrounded by hundreds of black guys? Warden.

What does a tampon and a white woman have in common? They're both stuck up cunts.

How do you swat 200 flies at one time? Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.

What is a redneck virgin? A seven year old that can run faster than her brothers.

Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? You would too if you were named Auuurraaagggghhh!

What is the most positive thing in harlem? HIV.

Why do Jewish girls like to fuck doggy style? They can't stand to see somebody else have a good time.

Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? One stops sucking when you slap it.

What's the difference between a British man and his girlfriend? His girlfriend has a higher sperm count.

Why is there so little Puerto Rican literature? Because spray paint wasn't invented until 1949.

How do you know if a Chinese person robbs your house? Your homework is done, your computer is upgraded, but two hours later, the fucker is still trying to back out of your driveway.

What's the first thing a redneck says after losing her virginity? Get off of me Dad, you're crushing my cigarettes.

In Kentucky, what do divorces and tornados have in common? Either way, someone is going to lose a trailer.

Why do the Scottish wear kilts? Because a sheep can hear a zipper from like a mile away.

What does a Cuban do when he gets a flat tire? Drowns

Two (insert favorite ethnic group here) jump off the top of a very tall building. Which one his the ground first? Who gives a fuck?

What's so good about an Ethiopian blow-job? You know she'll swallow.

Why did the redneck cross the road? Because he couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.

What do you call an Ethiopian with a yeast infection? Quarter pounder with cheese.

How do you kill 100 Mexicans? Blow up their van.

What do you call five Mexicans on the bottom of a pool? Cinco

What's black and blue and hates sex? A rape victim.

What did the little black boy say when he got diarrhea? I'm melting!

What do you call a fat Chinese person? A chunk.

What did the little Mexican boy get for Christmas? My bike.

How many house wives does it take to screw in a light bulb? None! what the Fuck they doing out of the kitchen!?

How do you blindfold a chinese person? Dental floss.

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven!

What did Adolf Hitler get his neice for her birthday? An easy bake oven.

What's the difference between St. Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day? On St. Patrick's Day, everyone wants to be Irish.

What do you call an Ethiopian on a hunger strike? Ethiopian

Why don't Puerto Ricans have check books? Because it's impossible to sign your name that small with spray paint.

How do you know when a redneck has her period? She's only wearing one sock.

How did the Grand Canyon get there? Two Jews dropped a quarter down a gopher hole.

How do you kill a redneck? Wait 'till he fucks his sister then cut the brakes on his house.

[redbarron77]

WANKY PANKY

- fooling around, naughtier than hanky panky

THRUSTER BUSTER

- a sudden noise that interrupts the act of sex, especially a doorbell, the sound of a spouse's car in the driveway or the shrill voice of an unexpected parent

RUBBER FLUBBER

- sudden realization that the condom has broken

BOOBIE LUBEY

- stimulation of a female's breasts to arouse sexual interest

DICKIE LICKIE

- oral stimulation of the male's private parts

TUSHIE PUSHIE

- doggie-style sexual intercourse

PECKER WRECKER

- oral sex given to a man by a female wearing braces on her teeth

FUCKIE SUCKIE

- oral sex and sexual intercourse both

STINKIE PINKIE

- the result of sexual stimulation of the female's private parts by the male's hands

HUMMER CUMMER

- I think you can figure out this one all by yourself!

[Kmanlyst]

A mounted policeman was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl stopped beside him on her shiny new bike. Nice bike," the cop said, "Did Santa bring it to you?" "Yep," the little girl said, "He sure did!" The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $20 ticket for a safety violation, saying, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it." The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?" "Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop. The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top.

[redbarron77]

My Dearest Susan,Sweetie of my heart. I've been so desolate ever since I broke off our engagement. Simply devastated. Won't you please consider coming back to me?

You hold a place in my heart no other woman can fill. I can never marry another woman quite like you. I need you so much. Won't you forgive me and let us make a new beginning?

I love you so.

Yours always and truly,John

P.S. Congratulations on you winning the state lottery.

[redbarron77]

A couple saw a Discovery Channel special about a tribe of bushmen who, upon reaching a certain age, hung a weight from their member to stretch it to 18 inches in length.

The next morning, when the husband got out of the shower, his wife suggested that he try the same procedure. He agreed. A few days later, she asked him how their experiment was going.

"Well, we're about halfway there," he replied. "Wow, really? It's grown to 9 inches?" she asked.

"No," he said. "It's turned black!"

[redbarron77]

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 2 Africans...

walk into a very fine restaurant.

"I'm sorry," says the maître d', after scrutinizing the group...

"You can't come in here without a Thai. "

[redbarron77]

On arriving home, Norm was met at the door by his sobbing wife, Cheri' who tearfully explained, "It was the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone." Norm immediately drove in to town to confront the druggist and demand an apology.

Before Norm could say no more than a few words, the druggist hollered, "Now, just a minute, you hold on! Please just listen to my side of it... This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I got up late. I had no breakfast and hurried half dressed, out to the car, only to realize that I had just locked the house with both house and car keys inside.

I had to break a window to get my keys. Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. and then three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire. When I got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up, and I started waiting on them, and all the time the damn phone was ringing off the hook."

The druggist continued, "Then breaking a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, I spilled them all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels; the damn phone was still ringing. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with bunch of perfume bottles all of them fell to the floor and broke.

Meanwhile, the damn phone is has not stopped ringing for a second and when I finally got to answer it. It was your wife, Cheri' wanting to know how to use a digital rectal thermometer... and honest Norm, all I did was really tell her!"

[ScubaCinci]

An old timer was sitting on the porch of a saloon on a blistering hot day in the desert when a younger man rode in casually on his horse. He was amazed when the man tied the horse to the post, walked to the back of the horse, lifted the tail and kissed the horse right on the asshole.

The old man asked "Why in tarnation did you jus' kiss that horse's ass?"

"Chapped lips" the man replied.

"Kissin' a horse on the ass cures chapped lips?" the old timer asked.

"Nope", the man replied "but it keeps me from licking em."

[jblosser]

Husband and wife decide to go to a nightclub for a couple of drinks.

On the dance floor is this guy who's moon walking, break dancing, just burning up the floor with his moves.

"See that guy?" asks the wife. "Twenty five years ago he asked me to marry him, and I turned him down".

"Looks to me like he's still celebrating" says the husband.

[Helmutt]

A farmer walks into his bedroom where his wife was sleeping, carrying a sheep under one arm.

The wife awakens when the man says "Here's the pig I've been fucking"

Wife says "You idiot, thats no pig.....its a sheep!"

Man says "Shut the fuck up bitch, I was talking to the sheep!!"

[redbarron77]

The Goldberg Brothers - The Inventors of the Automobile Air Conditioner.

Here's a little factoid for automotive buffs or just to dazzle your friends..

The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Maxwell, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.

The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.

Henry was curious and invited them into his office.

They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.

They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately.

The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.

The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,' on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.

Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti - Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords.

They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.

And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show -- Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max -- on the controls.

[redbarron77]

Two best friends graduated from medical school at the same time and decided that in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice together to share office space and personnel.

Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist; they put up a sign reading: Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors. The town council was livid and insisted they change it.

The docs changed it to read: Schizoids and Hemorrhoids. This was also not acceptable so they again changed the sign to read Catatonics and High Colonics - no go.

Next they tried Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives - thumbs down again.

Then came Minds and Behinds - still no good.

Another attempt resulted in Lost Souls and Butt Holes - unacceptable again!

So they tried Nuts and Butts - no way. Freaks and Cheeks - still no good. Loons and Moons - forget it. Almost at their wit's end, the docs finally came up with the acceptable winner.

Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones - Specializing in Odds and Ends.

[TheBrown57]

A crusty old biker out on a long summer ride in the country pulls up

to a tavern in the middle of no where, parks his bike and walks inside.

As he passes through the swinging doors, he sees a sign hanging over

the bar:

COLD BEER: $2.00

HAMBURGER: $2.25

CHEESEBURGER: $2.50

CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50

HAND JOB: $50.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the ole'

biker walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive

female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled

farmers.

She glides down behind the bar to the ole biker.

"Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "may I help you?"

The ole biker leans over the bar, "I was wondering young lady," he

whispers, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"

She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs "Why yes, yes,

I sure am".

The ole' biker leans closer and into her left ear whispers softly, "Well,

wash your hands real good, cause I want a cheeseburger".

[chevysoldier]

Today is Rebecca Blacks Birthday, Today She is 14, Last Year She was 13, Next Year She'll be 15, and 16 Comes After That.

[redbarron77]

A Scottish Soldier, in full dress uniform,

marches into a pharmacy.

Very carefully he opens his sporran

and pulls out a neatly folded cotton bandana,

unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square handkerchief,

which he also unfolds - to reveal a condom.

The condom has a number of patches on it.

The chemist holds it up and eyes it critically.

"How much to repair it?" The Scot asks the chemist.

"Six pence", says the chemist.

"How much for a new one?"

"Ten pence", says the chemist.

The Scot painstakingly folds the condom into the silk square handkerchief

and the cotton bandana, replaces it carefully in his sporran,

and marches out of the door, shoulders back and kilt swinging.

A moment or two later the chemist hears a great shout go up outside,

followed by an even greater shout.

The Scottish soldier marches back into the chemists

and addresses the proprietor, this time with a grin on his face.

"The regiment has taken a vote", he says.

“We'll buy a new one."

[jblosser]

^^^^ "sporran" = that purse-like thingy that dudes wearing kilts (skirts) accessorize with...

Edited August 20, 2012 by jblosser
added sparkly picture

[Disclaimer]

^^^^ "sporran" = that purse-like thingy that dudes wearing kilts (skirts) accessorize with...

FTFY, You forgot the obligatory sig that goes with that.

[jblosser]

had to axe Uncle Google - i DID NOT know that previously...

...thanks for the assist, updating post.

[Disclaimer]

C'mon jblos... you know that a magician (or an IT guy) is never supposed to reveal his tricks.

No one would've known you Google'd it until you admitted it. Only the uppermost NSA whitehats and blackhats in the Nordic areas of the world even know what Google is.

[jblosser]

even if i knew what a Scottish man's purse was called, i would still claim I Googled it.

Soooo, did I know, or did i Google? Wrap your nugget around that one...

[Disclaimer]

Woah. That's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, stuffed in sporran. Blows the mind.

[redbarron77]

I said to my wife, "My Olympic condoms have arrived.... I think I'll wear Gold tonight."

She says, "Why not wear Silver and come second for a change?"

[redbarron77]

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. the bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

7. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

8. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

9. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

10. Glibido : All talk and no action.

11. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

12. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

13. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

The Washington Post also has published this year's winning submissions to another yearly contest, in which readers supply alternate meanings for common words.

1. Coffee, n.. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

4. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

5. Lymph, v.. To walk with a lisp.

6. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

7. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

8. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

9. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.

10. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

11. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms

[redbarron77]

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."

I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ing number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!" and hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking Spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

He said, "Yes, it is." I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?" He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax. It's a yellow rambler, and the car's parked right out in front."

I asked, "What's your name?"

He said, "My name is Don Hansen,"

I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

He said, "I'm home every evening after five."

I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

He said, "Yes?"

I said, "Don, you're an asshole!"

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea. I called asshole ..1.

He said, "Hello."

I said, "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

He asked, "Are you still there?"

I said, "Yeah,"

He screamed, "Stop calling me,"

I said, "Make me,"

He asked, "Who are you?"

I said, "My name is Don Hansen."

He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?" I said, "Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, a yellow rambler, I have a black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.

Then I called Asshole ..2.

He said, "Hello?"

I said, "Hello, asshole,"

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

I said, "You'll what?"

He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass,"

I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax , and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd. in Fairfax.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really does work.

[jblosser]

^^ must keep this in mind...