Pilots Gripe List

[Meanie]

May be a repost, not sure. I just got it in email form and figured I'd share.

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly.

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet-per-minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF is always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics..

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from the midget.

^ I didn't think Todd worked for UPS, and it sucks they took his hammer.

[JStump]

[Goldie]

Quite humorous.

[max power]

hahaa:lol:

[ReconRat]

I always enjoy aircraft funnies. But UPS isn't accident free. Close to it, but they have four on record. One takeoff, one landing, one cargo fire, and one terrorist explosion overseas.

[chevysoldier]

I do think this a repost, at least I think it's in the airplane/pilot funny thread. Gen3fly girl probably has it bookmarked.

I didn't think Todd worked for UPS, and it sucks they took his hammer.

^That's hilarious. I have this image of him hiding in a cockpit with a hammer in his hand and a "uh oh, are they gonna find me?" look on his face.

I always enjoy aircraft funnies. But UPS isn't accident free. Close to it, but they have four on record. One takeoff, one landing, one cargo fire, and one terrorist explosion overseas.

Can you really count a terrorist explosion though? Not like it was UPS's fault.

[vf1000ride]

Old, this has been floating around for years with several variations.

http://www.snopes.com/travel/airline/squawk.asp

I seem to think I have a copy of this from the late 90's when I was still working for the airlines. May have to go dig it out along with some of the other aviation funnies I have.

Edit; found them. Yours is similar to the list I got back in '97

Edited February 1, 2011 by vf1000ride

[vf1000ride]

Here are a few more fun aviation related emails and such we had posted on the wall at work. Got all of these between '96 and 2001.

[hue jass]

I'll save the rest for later - the first one was awesome!

[Beegreenstrings]

Good god I spit pop all over myself reading the flight check list...

the, DME volume thing is a riot.