madcat6183 Posted January 7, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 7, 2013 did you touch or make direct eye contact with his penis?Just eye contact.... You should know I only like Asian Persuasion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RVTPilot Posted January 7, 2013 Report Share Posted January 7, 2013 Should have told him "nice dick!" My guess is he would have moved, or pinched back the burn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OsuMj Posted January 7, 2013 Report Share Posted January 7, 2013 Should have told him "nice dick!" My guess is he would have moved, or pinched back the burn.and then tried to give him a high five. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RVTPilot Posted January 7, 2013 Report Share Posted January 7, 2013 ^hahahahah! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Revelstoker Posted January 7, 2013 Report Share Posted January 7, 2013 This was a very old house…Was originally the cemetery caretaker house/funeral home, and the plumbing didn’t always work so well. When I flushed, the toiled clogged and started filling toward the brim. Luckily it stopped just before it overflowed. Not knowing what to do about that, I remembered that I had to get back to the diner—I left in such a hurry that I didn’t bother to gather my books and gear. After reading this story, I have to post my # pet peave = LEARN TO SHIT!#1, flush as you go. Screw the damn water shortage as no one wants to smell your rank ass self. If your on an automatic kind, lean forward or do what ever but flush and flush ofter. I don't care if the tank takes time to fill or your ass gets wet, FLUSH as you GO!!!!#2, flush before your wipeNo one, not even yourself wants to deal with crap overflowing onto the floor, bowl or plunger. So, get the shit gone first. #3, 3 wipes and flush again.repeat as often as needed. Yes, waiting for the tank to refill can be a bitch but that is not worth any clean up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scruit Posted January 7, 2013 Report Share Posted January 7, 2013 After reading this story, I have to post my # pet peave = LEARN TO SHIT!#1, flush as you go. Screw the damn water shortage as no one wants to smell your rank ass self. If your on an automatic kind, lean forward or do what ever but flush and flush ofter. I don't care if the tank takes time to fill or your ass gets wet, FLUSH as you GO!!!!#2, flush before your wipeNo one, not even yourself wants to deal with crap overflowing onto the floor, bowl or plunger. So, get the shit gone first. #3, 3 wipes and flush again.repeat as often as needed. Yes, waiting for the tank to refill can be a bitch but that is not worth any clean up.Jawohl, Herr Shitemeister! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blue03636 Posted January 7, 2013 Report Share Posted January 7, 2013 Or don't have a junk toilet in your house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scruit Posted January 8, 2013 Report Share Posted January 8, 2013 Or don't have a junk toilet in your house.It's not necessarily a junk toilet. My son produces turds that'd plug up the Scioto. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anden Posted January 8, 2013 Report Share Posted January 8, 2013 It's not necessarily a junk toilet. My son produces turds that'd plug up the Scioto. ^This!There have been a few occasions where a coat hanger is passed under the door to break that shit up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OsuMj Posted January 8, 2013 Report Share Posted January 8, 2013 I suggest more fiber in everyone's diet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earache Posted January 8, 2013 Report Share Posted January 8, 2013 Dude, I am two weeks away from our 20th anniversary. To date, my wife has never consciously nor intentionally let one go in front of me. Our kids, however, have crawled on her lap to rip one on her. For that, I will pay for them to go to Harvard.I'm a year shy of 30 years married and have yet to hear my wife fart at all.I'm convinced that one day before I die, she'll blow our house off of it's foundation and register a blip on the local university's Richter data logger. Just hope I'm not home when the cataclysmic fireball lights up the heavens.As far as the men's room goes, I'm all about the "stare and compare" while at the urinal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RSVDon Posted January 8, 2013 Report Share Posted January 8, 2013 Back in my university days, I was at a diner cramming for an 8am final. At about 3am or so, my stomach started gurgling. Knew it wouldn’t be good, as my diet at the time was Kroger frozen burritos, Schlitz and coffee. Headed for the restroom, but it was out-of-order and locked. Nothing else was open 24 hours. Started the quick-step home (about a mile)…When I realized I wasn’t going to make it home, I was near my girlfriend’s (now Wife) house. Had a key, so I let myself in. Barely got my drawers dropped in time and fouled the toilet with some sort of toxic sludge. This was a very old house…Was originally the cemetery caretaker house/funeral home, and the plumbing didn’t always work so well. When I flushed, the toiled clogged and started filling toward the brim. Luckily it stopped just before it overflowed. Not knowing what to do about that, I remembered that I had to get back to the diner—I left in such a hurry that I didn’t bother to gather my books and gear. With the bathroom being on the ground level, and the bedrooms (originally showing rooms) being upstairs, neither my girlfriend nor the other two women that lived there woke up to even know I had been there. Got back to the diner, studied until time to get to the exam. Never thought to bring up the event to my girlfriend… Was telling the tale to a friend a few years ago, and the Wife exclaimed “That was YOU?!” Apparently that was a point of controversy and discord between the three ladies for quite a while…none of them would fess up as who had done that and left it there…I apparently can't give you any more rep. But that was fantastic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coyote Posted January 8, 2013 Report Share Posted January 8, 2013 After reading this story, I have to post my # pet peave = LEARN TO SHIT!#1, flush as you go. Screw the damn water shortage as no one wants to smell your rank ass self. If your on an automatic kind, lean forward or do what ever but flush and flush ofter. I don't care if the tank takes time to fill or your ass gets wet, FLUSH as you GO!!!!#2, flush before your wipeNo one, not even yourself wants to deal with crap overflowing onto the floor, bowl or plunger. So, get the shit gone first. #3, 3 wipes and flush again.repeat as often as needed. Yes, waiting for the tank to refill can be a bitch but that is not worth any clean up.This was a one-squeeze deal...The full Schlitz-and-Frozen Burrito gravy was in the bowl before my cheeks even got to caress the seat. The flush only raised the soup level...Definitely plumbing issues. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r1crusher Posted January 8, 2013 Report Share Posted January 8, 2013 This was a one-squeeze deal...The full Schlitz-and-Frozen Burrito gravy was in the bowl before my cheeks even got to caress the seat. The flush only raised the soup level...Definitely plumbing issues.OMG That is GD funny. Laughed my ass of at that reply. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madcat6183 Posted January 8, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2013 Wow, this is delivering. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drew95gt Posted January 8, 2013 Report Share Posted January 8, 2013 Best advice I can give is if you have to dump somewhere "public" i.e. rest stop/Wal Mart/Mall...etc where the bathrooms are always fucking gross, use the family bathroom. The family bathrooms tend to be WAY cleaner than the mens room (or womens for that matter). Just be sure that there are no little kids in there if ya gotta drop a deuce after a late night drinking beer chased with White Castle...that smell will scar a kid for life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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