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Oh yeah.... Sometime before I left MI for the Army, I had met some female in Bay City, MI. If you know Bay City, you know there was some fucking to be had later that night. Well, we get to her trailer (lulz), and she has a roommate. I hear the chick I'm with say something like "Well, I'm first, you can get some when I'm done". At this point I'm thinking...JACKPOT. Well, we get to exchanging fluids, and I'm hittin' it doggie style. My balls are just flapping away and banging against her like it's nobody's business. All of a sudden, I feel her hand start to stroke my sack. I'm in heaven now......until I look down and see both of her hands in front of her. WTF?!?! I turn around and it's her fucking toddler!! Where did SHE come from?? And why is she playing with my balls?!??!?!??!!?!?

Yep, I was at WalMart earlier with this dumb ass song stuck in my head as I walked by this smokin hot chick and got flustered and best line I could come up with is "you married?"

Congrats on the win..... cool the money will come a time its really needed, though being able to have it as fun money would be better. Got a idea..... if you would want, custom paint your scoot this winter. My treat...... (as long as we dont do chromalusion or something for the base) LOL I do several donated jobs a year and havent done any so far this year. just in a giving mood I guess.... let me know if you are interested.

For your entertainment, another ridiculous random event... I was perusing the cheap end tables and night stands at walmart when I hear "you put your left arm in, you put your left arm out..." and I see someone out of the corner of my eye staring at me from my left side. "you put your left arm in and you shake it all about" got a little louder as the guy singing it passed in front of me. He turned his head to look at my face, mumbled 'damn, lookin good', and continued around the corner. I am left standing there, confused and holding back laughter, as he comes back around the corner and proceeds to ask me if i'm married, probably thinking that my smiling was out of flattery and not out of the fact that i have just been hit on by a weird dude singing the hokey pokey at walmart. I shook my head and said i have a boyfriend, and he said 'that's too bad, good for him' and walked away. Although, looking back on that, I feel like I could have taken the crown for most hilbilly man meeting - I met a man at walmart while looking at press-wood furniture... he was singing the hokey pokey and it was so romantic. Anyone else have a random story?

This thread delivers.

Thats when you have to be fast enough to pull the old switheroo on them

I went to a bar last night and started pouring drinks on my hand. The bartender asked me what I was doing... I replied "getting my date drunk.":D

There's a reason why some countries don't have much crime...it is because they like the death penalty and other stiff punishments. Hell, I'd love to go back to hangings on the courthouse lawn.........I'm pretty sure we'd be a lot better off if we did, but there are too many liberal pussies out there.

I took it both ways. Although I am not 100% sure the "victim" was a good guy. Don't have enough facts to know for sure. And had I been there when this happened, I don't think I would have drawn. If I had my family I would have gotten out immediately. If I was alone, I probably would have found cover and assessed the situation. Right off the bat, it kind of looked like the "victim" may have been innocent but there is a high price to pay if I was wrong and shot a good guy.

He should have ran into the house. Then they would have had to put it out.

Use both hands and have a 3-way?

Still feeling like a after reading about that Ct. family that was attacked by two f-tard pieces of sh!t. Sorry. Won't do much good if you're out of town. Jus' sayin'. Mine are wired into the security system - they call me first, if no answer or I tell 'em send the cops/fire/emt, then they send help. While I'm feeling snarky:

They will get what's coming to them. Some prisoners may be shitbags, but their code of justice for that is right on.

All red outfit, A red tricycle with a rope tied to the back, ride it around yelling at every one and every few minutes stop and cry before yelling again.

Privatization is the only way to go for services like the fire department.

I man-love you... and you.

Poor Howie.

Except the person he was shooting at was retreating before he begin firing. "A third man, who was driving the apparent getaway vehicle, ran toward the struggle with his gun drawn but retreated when Ryan brandished the weapon he had taken. Ryan said he then fired five shots and believes he may have hit that man, too" Amount of stupid in that last sentence of yours is outstanding.

This is why I have firearms in the house, why I go to the range at least twice a month, have had and continue to take training, and am mentally prepared to use deadly force should it be necessary to protect my son or myself (or my dog....shhhh). Such a beautiful woman and two beautiful girls. 3 lives wasted, and the father's life ruined. Who knows what those girls could have accomplished? Wives, mothers, doctor, business exec -- we'll never know thanks to two complete pieces of garbage. Why did it take the jury 5 hours to come to a verdict? 5 minutes seems like plenty of time to me. Well, now I'm in a great mood. Servers are gonna bounce just for my amusement...

I understand I don't bounce at all when I hit the ground I'm going to leave a big Ass hole

About a year ago I was at wally world looking for a tv. I bought one along with some random items that I used in an attempt to make home made wine. (6 frozen grape concentrates 3 packs of yeast 3 gallons of water a pack of rubber bands and a pack of balloons.) I checked out all this in the electronics section. the girl that checked me out had also answered my questions about the tv. After paying she said if you want I can help you load it in your car. I said ok that would be nice. Although I didn't know how much help to expect due to her petite size. But it was a kind gesture so why turn it down. As we approached my car she said "wow you drive a prius?" I said yes I do. She said "thats really cool you just don't seem like the type of person that would drive a hybrid". I informed her it was to save on gas and I agreed I'm not the type of person that drives a hybrid. Then as she watched me trying to stuff the tv into my back seat my gun poked out from under my jacket and she said "is that a real gun?" I told her it was and not to worry I wasn't planning on robbing her". Then she asked if I was a cop. I told her no. At this time I'm thinking this girl asks a lot of dumb questions and I don't even know her. The tv didn't fit in the back seat so I had fold the back seats down to put it in the back hatch. It was then she saw my riding gear and said "nice helmet. You got a bike?" I told her yeah. She asked what kind. I said a cbr. She said " I love sport bikes, I've got my own helmet but nobody to let me ride on the back of their bike. At least not any more. We broke up a couple months ago." It was at this time I realized she was hinting around trying to get me to ask her if she wanted to go for a ride. I decided to just play dumb like I didn't catch the hint. I finally got the tv in the car. As I reached up to shut the trunk my gun poked out again and she said "a guy that carriesa gun and rides a motorcycle that's hot". I said "thanks". Then she kind of awkwardly stood there looking at me. So I said well I better get home before my girl friend starts to wonder where I'm at. Then she said yeah I better get back inside and turned and walked away. If I was single at the time it probably would have went differently. Then we could have had a great story about how I was at Walmart to buy a flat screen hd tv and some stuff to make hobo wine when we met. Who needs match.com when you have Walmart super center.

"maybe not since 9/11. Everyone's so sensitive. Thanks, Bin Laden."

Can I be your umbrella boytoy?

I've been behind that guy on the gap. those videos of his are not nowhere near as fast as they appear. he's only doing about 35-40 in most of the corners. because his bike is dragging parts. that's actually pretty slow for a sportbike. I usually average 45-50 you guys are often too easily impressed.

can some one recommend some places that do this for a reasonable price? thanks