I'm an idiot. I tested the battery, 12.58v. Wth?? Hooked it back up, no nothing. So I started tracing the power wire, got to the front passenger kick panel, and forgot I had run the 1 or 2 gauge main battery line up there to a splitter box. What was in the box making a connection? A fuse. Wait, a blown fuse. Fuse did what it should though, because it looks like one of the power wires going out of there into the engine bay may have rubbed somewhere, as there was a little melted plastic from the splitter box where the fuse blew. Well hey, knowing is half the battle, right?!
:dumb: