Life on the South End was never easy. Lockbourne, have you heard of it? Probably not. It's like tool shed of Columbus. Toward the back of the property, not very big, not really cared for, and certainly not adding to the value of anything. That's where I was born. I guess you could say it was all up from there. Literally, because I was born on the floor. We didn't have enough money for a car or a telephone or electricity, so there was no way for us to call an ambulance when she went into labor. Luckily, the kitchen was tiled; no way I'd want to clean up that mess on a carpet.
My dad was a humble man. I say was because now he's a meglomaniac. He was rapidly promoted throught the ranks of the DEA, made district attorney, moved to San Francisco, and helped in a small start-up electronics company called "Apple." He'll call me every so often to remind me of his greatness. I always want to hang up, but never do. I've always been kind of a pushover like that.
My mom is Sophia Loren. She never cared for my father's antics very much. She had a fairly successful career in acting, modeling, and cosmetics sales. One year, she finished 3rd nationally at Avon.