Dr. Pomade

I asked if I could get a double automatic transmission just to piss you off even more, but apparently they don't make those, so I had to settle for the single automatic transmission.

This thread is for people who can afford BMWs and Cadillacs; the thread for you and the rest of the poors and betas is elsewhere.

Have you driven an S5? I have and I would never think anything other than a Hummer, a glacier, and a tectonic plate would feel less fast than an S5.

That car is gorgeous. Would date.

I'm fucking losing it reading that - haven't even made it to readers' comments yet.

Who would have been even less able to cover him than cornerbacks. Brilliant game-planning on my part, I think. For the record, I can throw a football over those mountains.

I think so, or at least it seems so. Back then (2003-ish to 2007), there were regularly multiple-page threads having to do with some call out or some kind of drama. In fact, because people were so Lord of the Flies all the time was the reason why The Kitchen was created - to give people an outlet for e-battling and such. It was and always has been stupid, but kind of an endearing stupid. I just spent about 20 minutes reading that entire thread. Time well spent, though. Seriously, that thread is fantastic. What a fiasco.

Hey guys! Just checking in to see if anyone posted or commented on my post or left me a message or said anything K thanks

Can everyone tell I've missed talking CFB? Christ I'm like a crack head right now.

I could have thrown for 200 yards in the Wisconsin game. I would just launch the ball into the air and let my man crush Devin Smith come down with 17 out of 20 of them.

Cardale was third on the depth chart for a reason. I don't think he is nearly the QB that Barrett is. Had Barrett played the three games Cardale did, he might have thrown for 1000 yards and scored 10 TDs. Ohio State's offense was just hitting on all cylinders and - like jive said - Cardale had a fantastic supporting cast, which helped hide some of his faults. What I think we like as fans and what the scouts like is Cardale's potential. He has the prototypical size to do well and can throw he ball a mile. That kind of potential alone will get at least one (perhaps foolish) team to fall in love. Cardale physically reminds me of Jamarcus Russell. Hopefully his NFL career doesn't play out like Russell's.

Yup. Not long before he got wiped out, he basically walked around the defense and strolled into the end zone with like zero effort. I fear they were starting to get on a roll and might have won going away had he not been hurt.

Christ. How we beat that 2002 team I'll never know. Well, actually, I do. Ohio State's defense was fantastic that year and played a pretty good game. Miami probably wasn't ready for how good Ohio State was defensively. And, though I don't like to admit it, Miami didn't really play inspired. They came in kind of flat. Quite frankly, they probably felt like they had the championship in the bag before the game ever started. Kind of like how Ohio State did in 2006. When you're that good, and everyone is telling you how good you are and the other team doesn't stand a chance, it's easy to let your guard down. So, it was perfect storm for Ohio State, who was used to playing really close games in which they sucked offensively and relied on their defense to save them.

Yup, love it.

What's the record for most first round draft picks in a single draft from one school?

Alteezas. Definitely not one of my better looks. I'm an idiot. CR used to be brutal. Shit was serious back in the day. I now have gray hair. But it's still fucking fantastic. And my abs remain on point.

Teams that I would like Ohio State to just straight smoke: 1. Southern California (payback for 2008, 2009, and all those times in the Woody era) 2. Anyone from the SEC, but preferably Florida, LSU, South Carolina, and Auburn 3. Florida State (just because their fans are obnoxious) 4. Miami (just because they deserve as many beatdowns that can be handed out)

Dream Scenario: 1. Ohio State wins national title (again) 2. Someone from Ohio State wins Heisman 3. Bosa wins the defensive player of the year award and goes #1 in draft 4. Cardale Jones goes in first round of NFL draft 5. Elliot goes in first round of NFL draft 6. Ohio State smokes an SEC team in the playoff on way to winning playoff 7. Some Ohio State offensive lineman goes in first found of NFL draft 8. Braxton has Heisman-like numbers and goes in first round of NFL draft Is there any chance Ohio State could have three to four guys go in first round of the draft? I usually don't care that much about NFL draft status, but I know recruits care, and, as a result, it matters a lot.

Seriously. Think about it: Braxton Miller could win the Heisman and is arguable the fourth best player in Ohio State's backfield.

Locked in.

Heisman: 1. Be a QB 2. On a team that does decently good 3. Have good stats or 4. Be a offensive skill position player with ridiculous stats in a year in which QBs are meh

A few random thoughts as the season approaches: 1. The Penn State game to me last year was the key to the whole season. Most people think it was the Michigan State game but, to me, I think the Penn State game was far more instrumental to the team's chemistry and success (though the Michigan State game was likely more instrumental to increasing Ohio State's value to the media and public at large). 2. Joey Bosa's game winning sack of Hackenburg in the Penn State game was epic. I have said that before, and I'll say this again: I don't think it has received nearly enough kudos. That's a Heisman moment. Maybe if he gets on a roll this year with Heisman talk they will replay it. They should. 3. Both Alabama and Oregon should be glad the scores didn't get out of hand in their games. Both of those games could have easily being Wisconsin-esque. 4. I'd like to see the stats on how many teams have 4 turnovers in a game (or are -3 in turnover margin) and still win the game, let alone by 22 points. Because that's what happened in the Oregon game. 5. Darron Lee allows Ohio State to do so many things defensively. He's fast enough to cover in space but big enough to play the run. He's a key for me on the defensive side of the ball. 6. The defense looked really fast and aggressive in the playoff, and especially against Alabama. I loved how it looked like every guy to the tackle was just blowing the person up. I have to hand it to Fickel, Meyer, and the rest of the staff: they really turned around a terrible looking defense. I can remember just a few years ago talking about how Ohio State looked slow and clumsy on defense. Not anymore. 7. I still hate those fucking Tron aluminum teflon alternate uniforms. Just dumb. Stop it. 8. Insert contemplative raptor meme here: If Ohio State loses to Virginia Tech in the first game this year, does it really matter? Seriously. 9. Jive you still owe me $100. Pick a game that we can go double or nothing on. 10. Zach, I promise to call you an idiot only twice this year. Please don't me make me use those up early on. 11. I hope Braxton's brittleness doesn't carry over into his work as an H-back.

Troll Level: Second Lieutenant

Losing to VT is how we start all our championship runs.

Jive you can change your sig when I get my $100. Other random thoughts: -Penn State kind of scares me. Their defense was pretty solid last year. -Harbaugh is such a dick. I thought that when he was at Stanford. Anyone catch his interview with Cowherd? -Cowherd left ESPN for Fox. Mandel (who wrote SEC crybabies article posted a few back) also at Fox. Look at Fox making moves.