LOL....Was on Craigslist
To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Downtown, Savannah)
Date: 2009-01-06, 3:43AM EST
I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you demanded I hand
over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend.
You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow
come across this message. I'd like to apologize. I didn't expect you to crap
in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I
was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold
outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP
pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it
that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when
pointed at your head, isn't it? I know it probably wasn't a great deal of
fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping
about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up
leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you
calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took
the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your
cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on
your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van
Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet
itself in a dumpster. I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell.
They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel just
shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now,
so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently
cut off your20service. I could only get in two threatening phone calls to
the DA's office with it. Oh well. So, about your pants. I know that I was a
little rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd
like to make it up to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd
like to help you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used
on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd also
like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home
humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life.
Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this message, email me and
we'll do lunch and laundry. Peace!
- Alex