LOL....Was on Craigslist   
To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Downtown, Savannah)   
Date: 2009-01-06, 3:43AM EST    
I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you demanded I hand  
over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend.  
You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow  
come across this message. I'd like to apologize. I didn't expect you to crap  
in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I  
was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold  
outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP  
pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it  
that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when  
pointed at your head, isn't it? I know it probably wasn't a great deal of  
fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping  
about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up  
leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you  
calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took  
the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your  
cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on  
your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van  
Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet  
itself in a dumpster. I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell.  
They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel just  
shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now,  
so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently 
cut off your20service. I could only get in two threatening phone calls to  
the DA's office with it. Oh well. So, about your pants. I know that I was a  
little rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd  
like to make it up to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd  
like to help you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used  
on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd also  
like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home 
humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life.  
Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this message, email me and  
we'll do lunch and laundry. Peace!   
- Alex