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UP's elitist douchebag MC club


Uncle Punk

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Red Honda sport bikes only

No night riding

No riding in the rain

No riding on the highway

Only weekend riding

Minimum of 350 per outing, 120 miles must be flat, straight and boring

All start times are strictly enforced

All gas stops are to be between 60 and 85 miles

No lunch breaks or stopping to eat.

No riding in less than 50 degree weather

Must have at least one street bike wreck

Must have owned at least eight street bikes

Must have learned to ride a motorcycle on a dirt bike

Must own at least one off road motorized machine

Must maintain an average of 60mph while moving

All riding gear must be approved

Must have prior military experience (If club size gets too large it will be Marines only.)

No passengers

Must carry zip ties, tools, tire repair kit, air compressor, extra clothes, extra visor & first aid kit

No alcohol or drugs

All rear tires must be changed within 2K miles

Must have rode at least 1000 miles in 24 hours

Must have rode an excess of 12K miles in a year

When passing the ride leader a shoulder shove is required

No making fun of the members with gray hair

Facial hair is optional but likely

Cannot wear the same helmet two consecutive rides

Trailering to vacation destinations is optional

Owning a scooter is extra bonus cool points

Being armed is recommended but not required, Glocks preferred, no 1911s

The only non riding discussions at gas stops are to be about firearms

No registered democrats or republicans

Must have competed in at least one road racing event

All members that receive a moving violation will be ridiculed

Hitting a rev limiter when stationary is punishable by firing squad

Factory exhausts only

Special note: Crashes on group rides are optional. There has been entirely too much emphasis on making them required. If this practice continues crashes will be removed from the list of possible activities.

Waivers to all rules and membership requirements can be acquired through sexual favors.

The exalted club leader prefers to be called “The Grand Poobah.”

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I'm going to start shopping for a red Honda sportbike now. This looks like my kind of crowd, or maybe I'll just fake it.

The above is contingent on the addition of hookers and blow of course.

Signed,

Scruff

(my new club name)

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Wait a minute no 1911's I'm out!

I didn't learn to ride on a dirt bike nor have I owned eight or more street bikes so I don't qualify.

Whew, that eliminates any and all temptations to join.

Ditto!

Edited by crb
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Hookers & blow while very worthwhile past times violate the no drugs or alcohol, no passengers and no topic other than riding or firearms.

I failed to recognize the need to have all titles signed over into the clubs name. That's why I love you guys, always thinking.

I have decided to allow sexual favors to be paid at a rate of two for one if rendered by a female without a saber tooth. Does anyone know where I can find the picture of the snag tooth for an example?

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