Uncle Punk Posted March 13, 2013 Report Share Posted March 13, 2013 Red Honda sport bikes onlyNo night ridingNo riding in the rainNo riding on the highwayOnly weekend ridingMinimum of 350 per outing, 120 miles must be flat, straight and boringAll start times are strictly enforcedAll gas stops are to be between 60 and 85 milesNo lunch breaks or stopping to eat.No riding in less than 50 degree weatherMust have at least one street bike wreckMust have owned at least eight street bikesMust have learned to ride a motorcycle on a dirt bikeMust own at least one off road motorized machineMust maintain an average of 60mph while movingAll riding gear must be approvedMust have prior military experience (If club size gets too large it will be Marines only.)No passengersMust carry zip ties, tools, tire repair kit, air compressor, extra clothes, extra visor & first aid kitNo alcohol or drugsAll rear tires must be changed within 2K milesMust have rode at least 1000 miles in 24 hoursMust have rode an excess of 12K miles in a yearWhen passing the ride leader a shoulder shove is requiredNo making fun of the members with gray hairFacial hair is optional but likelyCannot wear the same helmet two consecutive ridesTrailering to vacation destinations is optionalOwning a scooter is extra bonus cool pointsBeing armed is recommended but not required, Glocks preferred, no 1911sThe only non riding discussions at gas stops are to be about firearmsNo registered democrats or republicansMust have competed in at least one road racing eventAll members that receive a moving violation will be ridiculedHitting a rev limiter when stationary is punishable by firing squadFactory exhausts onlySpecial note: Crashes on group rides are optional. There has been entirely too much emphasis on making them required. If this practice continues crashes will be removed from the list of possible activities. Waivers to all rules and membership requirements can be acquired through sexual favors. The exalted club leader prefers to be called “The Grand Poobah.” 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imprez55 Posted March 13, 2013 Report Share Posted March 13, 2013 No alcohol or drugs?! Well fuck you, I'm going to start my own motorcycle club... with blackjack, and hookers & blow 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Exarch Posted March 13, 2013 Report Share Posted March 13, 2013 Umm... Crack isn't a real drug right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Uncle Punk Posted March 13, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 13, 2013 I can't believe I'm getting pushback. Who wouldn't want to be an elitist douchebag? Some people just don't understand what it takes to be accepted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kritz Posted March 13, 2013 Report Share Posted March 13, 2013 Can I bring a Cat? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brownsfan1 Posted March 13, 2013 Report Share Posted March 13, 2013 Imprez is right you need hookers and blow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MidgetTodd Posted March 13, 2013 Report Share Posted March 13, 2013 I am in. I like this club Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sirepair Posted March 13, 2013 Report Share Posted March 13, 2013 Does having been a Boy Scout count as military experience?? Or possibly son of a sailor??If so, I'm in! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J_Copeland Posted March 13, 2013 Report Share Posted March 13, 2013 I'm counting my boy playing COD as military experience.Also in if hookers and blow are added ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron505 Posted March 13, 2013 Report Share Posted March 13, 2013 I'm going to start shopping for a red Honda sportbike now. This looks like my kind of crowd, or maybe I'll just fake it.The above is contingent on the addition of hookers and blow of course.Signed,Scruff(my new club name) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
baptizo Posted March 13, 2013 Report Share Posted March 13, 2013 I didn't learn to ride on a dirt bike nor have I owned eight or more street bikes so I don't qualify. Whew, that eliminates any and all temptations to join. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hailwood Posted March 13, 2013 Report Share Posted March 13, 2013 I thought this was what we did already? If not, Pauly's going to be awfully disappointed that those previous sexual favors didn't count towards anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tpoppa Posted March 13, 2013 Report Share Posted March 13, 2013 I'm gonna have to call shenanigans. There are no elitists in Elyria. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shittygsxr Posted March 13, 2013 Report Share Posted March 13, 2013 I'm gonna have to call shenanigans. There are no elitists in Elyria.An Elyria elitist is someone who still has most of their teeth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RVTPilot Posted March 13, 2013 Report Share Posted March 13, 2013 Dammit. I meet all the criteria but two: facial hair and helmet regs. I have some greasy Mezzican blood in me, therefore struggle with facial hair. And I only have one helmet. Can I get a waiver? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
20thGix Posted March 13, 2013 Report Share Posted March 13, 2013 Can I get a waiver?You can get one of these. All you have to do is sign your title over to your bike and your in! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RVTPilot Posted March 13, 2013 Report Share Posted March 13, 2013 You can get one of these. All you have to do is sign your title over to your bike and your in!Track bike = no title. Can I sign over my marriage license? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crb Posted March 13, 2013 Report Share Posted March 13, 2013 (edited) Wait a minute no 1911's I'm out!I didn't learn to ride on a dirt bike nor have I owned eight or more street bikes so I don't qualify. Whew, that eliminates any and all temptations to join.Ditto! Edited March 13, 2013 by crb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bitani Posted March 13, 2013 Report Share Posted March 13, 2013 Looks like I'm going to be giving a lot of sexual favors. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J_Copeland Posted March 13, 2013 Report Share Posted March 13, 2013 Track bike = no title. Can I sign over my marriage license?Hahaha !!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Al Z. Heimer Posted March 13, 2013 Report Share Posted March 13, 2013 I am so close to making this. Trying to pass a Kia Sportage at Mach retard give me an in? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Uncle Punk Posted March 13, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 13, 2013 Hookers & blow while very worthwhile past times violate the no drugs or alcohol, no passengers and no topic other than riding or firearms. I failed to recognize the need to have all titles signed over into the clubs name. That's why I love you guys, always thinking. I have decided to allow sexual favors to be paid at a rate of two for one if rendered by a female without a saber tooth. Does anyone know where I can find the picture of the snag tooth for an example? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScubaCinci Posted March 13, 2013 Report Share Posted March 13, 2013 Your thread title is redundant. Ain't nobody got time for that! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Uncle Punk Posted March 13, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 13, 2013 I am so close to making this. Trying to pass a Kia Sportage at Mach retard give me an in?All squids older than me are automatically inducted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turnone Posted March 13, 2013 Report Share Posted March 13, 2013 I qualify except for spares and concealed carry. Damn I wanted to be accepted. Chris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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